whipped

”We’re out of milk?”

”Hmm?” Automatically Joel thumbed off his phone and set it down on the kitchen table. Jolene stood by the fridge, staring at him. An empty plastic carton dangling from her fingers. He squinted at her, then at the carton and let out a sigh. Breakfast. A bowl of honey nut cheerios drowned in milk, the same way he’d always eaten them as a kid. The bowl still in the sink, abandoned when his phone had pinged.

It did again now. Dolly. He knew it without having to look. Guilt churned in the pit of his stomach. Somehow it was easier when Jo was at work, the presence that was already thin as mist in the apartment disappearing entirely. Doll filled that void in a cloud of perfume that smelled as sweet as she had naturally that first time they’d kissed. He was sure that Jo would pick up on it someday, sniffing around the apartment like a bloodhound, but if she had before now, she hadn’t said a word about it.

Her gaze cut to his phone before she hissed out a sigh, probably cursing Ricky’s existence in her head. The job pulled her away constantly, so it had to be the same for him, right? Bullshit. Before Doll had come back into his life, Jolene was the one thing he would’ve left the job for. She couldn’t say the same, she couldn’t even leave the job long enough to work with him to save their marriage.

”We’re out of milk,” she repeated. ”I’ll have to take my coffee black.”

Sheepishly, Joel dragged a hand over his face. ”I can go out later and grab some.”

”You’re not working?” Joel shook his head, about to repeat a rota she hadn’t shown interest in for years, but Jo was smiling at him. Turned out, neither was she.

Even getting the shopping bags out of the drawer felt ridiculously intimate after a couple of years of being lost in the desert of a dying relationship. He couldn’t have named the last time they’d been out together. Groceries were requested by text, or notes on the fridge. The majority of their meals were eaten just as distantly. Plates left in the fridge, or leftovers frozen to be thawed out God only knew when. Walking out of the building, Jo was already going through a list, reeling off things he never woulda thought about til he went to the fridge and found something else empty.

They talked on that brief walk to the store – alright, mostly about her work, but still it was more words than the two of them had spoken to one another in probably a month. Heading into the store, they strolled the aisles the way they’d done when they’d first been married. Tossing things in without having to check with one another. A waggle of a coffee jar enough for a confirmation. It was almost like they knew one another again and maybe that was why he felt his heart slam against his ribs when he caught a familiar roll of hips in the next aisle. In another time, another place, he’d left his handprints on those hips in neon paint. A claim he couldn’t acknowledge now.

Heat tried to rush to his face as Jo called his attention away, but Joel willed it back. ”The barbecue chips,” he confirmed, hoping to hell that was what Jo had meant as she’d held two bags up. He caught up to Jo, settling a hand at her elbow to guide her out of the aisle. There’d been a time when he was willing to take Doll to his wife to make sure had a way out, but that avenue of escape had closed the moment he’d slept with Doll. Now he was a cheating son of a bitch scurrying around the grocery store, trying to avoid the temptation he’d given in to.

In the cereal aisle, he stayed with the cart as Jo drifted halfway down. Muesli, the dusty bastard cousin to the Lucky Charms he’d idly picked up. His fingers dented the box as he felt the weight of Doll’s gaze on him. Was she thinking he was too embarrassed to look at her? Like he was ashamed of her after all this time. Maybe the former was true. After all that’d happened right under Jo’s nose – he couldn’t rub it in now.

As the itch built, Joel looked up. His lips pinched, his gaze burning to twitch away again. Jo drifted up beside him, tsking over the Lucky Charms. She shoved the bag of what looked like they fed the horses under his nose. ”They’ve gotta be better for you than the cheerios,” she murmured, a smile on her lips that he almost didn’t recognise. It froze in place as Doll took that opportunity to walk up to them. Well, shit.

Joel straightened up, painting on a smile, even as he rubbed his knuckles under his nose. ”Hey,” he drawled lightly. A weak chuckle echoed her laugh, a quick glance at Jo showing that she was putting on a friendly smile. Her eyes met his, a question in them, but Doll wasn’t giving her the chance to ask it.

”I meant to tell ya,” he muttered as Jo reached out to take Doll’s hand. ”I ran into Doll a few weeks back. Who woulda thought it, two people turning up here, all this way from Cunningham.” A few weeks was a weak lie. Even if it had been on the day they’d moved to town, there still wouldn’t have been much chance to tell Jo that one of the best parts of his past had turned up right here.

”Dolly, from his childhood?” Jolene let out a light laugh, shaking Hannya’s hand. ”You definitely didn’t mention this.” Her gaze darted away from the obvious wedge of Doll’s cleavage (the one he was desperately trying not to get lost in), and up to him.

Smiling ruefully, Joel dropped the crumpled box of Lucky Charms into the trolley. ”Ain’t a patch on Spring back home, but there ain’t much that can match up to there.” His voice was tight, his shoulders following, bunching, as he felt Doll’s gaze rake over him again. ”I used up the last of the milk. Figured we’d head out and get some while we had the time. Right, darlin’?” His fingers felt numb, but Joel lifted them to touch Jo’s elbow lightly all the same. It was stiff, but she didn’t pull back from him at least.

”Looks like you’ve got a healthier appetite than he does,” Jo muttered, looking down into her basket. ”Can’t get him eating anything like a cucumber.” Joel had to suck in a breath to stop choking on the thought as he followed Jo’s gaze. On the surface it might’ve looked innocent enough, but everything in that damn basket suddenly felt like it was morphing in front of his eyes. This time he didn’t have a damn hope at keeping the heat from his face.

Tagged: HANNYA * Word Count: 1177 (soz)

Grocery shopping with his wife should’ve been the simplest thing in the world, but the other shoe he’d been looking for since they’d left the apartment had finally dropped like a concrete filled cowboy boot. It wasn’t Doll’s fault, wasn’t Jo’s either, he was just caught between the two of them, wondering when that boot was gonna finish the job and kick his life right between its legs.

Joel fought to keep a grip on the conversation, trying not to reveal too much to Jo of what had been going on while she’d been buried up to her neck in work. His brow furrowed in an echo of Doll’s, his own forced chuckle slipping out more strained than hers. ”Months maybe. Has it honestly been that long?” It had been longer. His life had slowly expanded, ready to close around Doll’s the second she agreed to walk away from Dacre.

Jo glanced up at him, the corners of her mouth pulling tight in an enigmatic smile before her gaze returned to Doll. ”That’s what happens when you spend too much time at work. You lose track of the time.”

Track of the time and track of your husband. ”We’ve both been busy,” Joel managed tightly. If Jo had even bothered ot try and show up to save their marriage, that would’ve been one of the first arguments spilling off his tongue. Everything had been about work, the job eclipsing everything else – their future, the past she’d heard about dozens of times over when they were dating, his tangled present. One single conversation might’ve changed the course of everything.

”Who woulda thought the world was small enough that you’d both turn up here.” The smile was lingering on her lips, but it looked brittle somehow.

After a couple of decades apart, their running into each other here had felt like some sort of miracle. It might’ve taken on a sour edge now, but he wouldn’t have turned the clock back to change things. Doll needed a way out of the dangerous situation she’d found herself in and that way was him, no matter what his partner or his wife said. Their past had roped them together long before any of the rest of them had come into his life. Doll had been everything for a time, even if he hadn’t realised it then. He could barely look at her now, darting little glances that only met Doll’s steadier gaze for brief seconds at a time. There was no way he could miss the hurt that filtered across Doll’s features. Was the truth burning on her tongue, or did she wanna protect him from the awkward spot they’d ended up in as much as he wanted to protect her?

Slowly Jo was drawing her elbow away from him, her weight shifting in a way that felt monumental. It probably wasn’t intentional, but the smile she offered Doll still looked stiff around the edges. ”I grew up not far from there,” she drawled lightly, her accent just an ounce heavier. ”I don’t think anything down here quite matches up.” Her gaze dipped for a second, a flicker of judgment in her eyes,

Sighing, Joel reached out a hand to rub at Jo’s back. Reassurance? More like a warning. Even without all that had happened, Doll was an old friend – who happened to be sending a cold sweat prickling over his skin now. Apology and anxiety fought it out in his eyes for dominance. He felt like whatever came out of his mouth now, he was damned. Either Doll was cut to the quick or he comforted her the way he wanted to and Jo was the one suddenly feeling that pain instead. He felt sick that for a second he hoped she did.

The hurt was still there on Doll’s face, a misery he felt in his gut. Both of them were caught up in something they couldn’t fight their way free of yet. He’d have to climb over Jo’s heart to get there and, God, he couldn’t do it to her right now. ”It’s not easy,” Jo told her with a shrug. ”You want to keep a marriage alive, you have to work for it. That’s what I always say, right, honey?” The basket was nudged into his thigh, a possessive move that he wanted to squirm away from. Pride had Jo’s smile beaming again. ”He told you about my work, huh? It’s a hard job, but I can’t imagine doing anything else. What is it you do?”

She tortures men. The observation was trapped in the prison of his throat, leaving Joel swallowing hard. He’d always seen an innocence in Doll, but it felt like there was something purposeful as Hell in her voice and her basket suddenly. ”You know how it is, with the job an’ all,” Joel drawled tightly. ”And without your mama around to make sure we’re eatin’ right. I’d give almost anythin’ for one of your ma’s pies right now.” To go back to a time before he was stuck between a very curvy rock and a stone faced hard place.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jo stiffen, her head twisting to look up at him. ”I dunno how, unless we can get ‘em sproutin’ on the fire escape,” Joel managed out of a throat gone tight. ”I’ve got plenty of reminders for now.” And if he tried taking a damn bite out of anything in either basket he’d have choked on it.

Jo switched the basket to her other hand, her arm slipping around his waist. Joel forced himself to go still, his hand patting lightly as it slipped up between her shoulder blades. His fingertips burned like he’d suddenly burst into flames for all the sinning he’d been doing. ”Other than fillin’ the fridge, not much,” Jo said sweetly. ”Although now you’ve suggested it, the park sounds good. A little time sprawled in the sun, feeding each other grapes.” As though they’d ever done any of that. Joel’s brows drew together, his gaze dipping to his wife. Was that ever on the cards or had she just been planning to slave over her laptop when they got back, the trip out for groceries nothing more than a lucid moment in a marriage that been in a vegetative state for too long. ”I’m sure you’ve got plans for the afternoon. A boyfriend to dote just like that?” She couldn’t have been more obvious if she’d grabbed for Doll’s hand to check for a ring.

Tagged: HANNYA * Word Count: 1092