Are We All We Were

Three days off a week. That’s all Lawrence got now he was working full time in the blood den. Yet, where was he spending his time off? In the underground club. The place tied to the Blood Den by a corridor and a waiver. Was there anything else to do? A few days ago, he was teasing Hannya for being tethered to this place, but he started to believe he was too.

His life was descending into the one he left behind in New Orleans. Walking the same path yet again, knowing he should try and do something meaningful with his eternal existence, rather than sleep, work, drink.

Convincing some of the students from the Salvatore School to come out with his that evening wasn't difficult. Most of them still in their youth, keen to drink and party.

As always, the underground club was packed. Sweaty bodies and mind-numbing music. Lawrence had been dragged onto the dancefloor by the others and soon grabbed the attention of an attractive redhead. It was clear her mind was on one thing as she spun so her back was facing him and her body pressed against his, though the vampire's mind was not on the same track. His gaze dropped onto her nape, her hair tied up, exposing her neck. Dark veins tickled at his eyes lost to the naked eye amongst the strobe lights. The girl was completely unaware of the danger which lurked behind her. Lawrence wasn't looking to hurt the girl, just wanted a taste.

He needed to regain control over the urges. Few days ago, fresh human blood passed his lips for the first time in years. Now his body was yearning for more. He hated it.

Quickly they faded away, his eyes returning to their natural blue shade. This wasn't New Orleans where you could feed freely in public, though it was unlikely anyone would notice. Too busy dancing and getting intoxicated.

Lawrence stepped back from the redhead. He needed a strong drink in his stomach. As he inched away from the girl, he collided with someone behind him. An inaudible sigh left his lips. He was about to swing back and apologise to whoever it was when a female voice spoke in his ear —an offer of a drink.

Before he could turn back to say anything, the stranger drove him towards the bar. Lawrence was happy to be moving away from the girl with the naked neck, though the redhead wasn't pleased to see him disappear through the crowd with someone else. He had no intention of filling that space in his bed with another that evening anyway, having only just had it occupied by the demon.

He didn't regret the sex but he regretted biting her. Giving in to temptation. Now all he could think about was fresh blood, invading his every thought. He needed to regain control over it again, but sometimes it was easier to surrender.

At least the Underground Club was overwhelming to his senses. A mixture of blood, sweat and alcohol. The heartbeats of humans hidden amongst the deafening music.

The music grew a fraction quieter as the pair approached the bar, Lawrence ready to take this girl up on her drink offer. Her arm laced around his as they met side by side at the bar, though the vampire's eyes were scanning what was on offer. There was no point; he would have what he always had. Whiskey and Coke, no ice.

Lawrence turned to face the girl, his order on the tip of his tongue, when he felt his stomach drop. He was frozen still, staring at the female, trying to figure out whether it was his mind playing tricks. Or maybe the lightning was catching on the girl's features, leading him to believe it was someone else— his sister, who was supposed to be dead along with the rest of his family.

The longer he stood there, resembling a deer caught in headlights, he realised there was no denying it was her, albeit looking slightly older than the last time he saw her 80 odd years ago.

"Phoebe?" His voice was shaky, on the verge of breaking as emotion threatened it. He wasn't sure whether he wanted it to be her or not because if it was her, how could she still look so young? The obvious answer was there, but Lawrence wouldn't allow himself to entertain the idea.


PHOEBE MURPHY

For someone who professes to hate nightclubs, he spent an awful lot of time in them, but there was nothing else to keep him occupied in his free time. His eyes drifted down to his cell phone. Another unread text message from Teddy, checking up on him. With a heavy heart, he slid the cell phone back into his jean pocket, leaving the message unread. He needed to gather the words somehow to tell his best friend he had given into temptation, again, with the demon, despite promising he wouldn't. Lawrence took a step further this time though and gave in to the temptation for blood.

Tonight wasn't the night to speak to Teddy about it. He just wanted to drink himself into a blur so he could pass out on his bed, sofa or floor in a few hours.

Lawrence was washed with a warm buzz, having already knocked back several shots with the other students. Thankfully, the wolves knew how to hold their liquor. The witches, however, were trashed after a few drinks. It was clear some of them weren't going to make it to the finishing line.

Now, a female was offering him a free drink. Directing him towards the bar, but Lawrence never got round to actually ordering his drink. Instead, he was looking back at someone he thought he'd lost so long ago— his sister.

The whiskey burned in the depths of his stomach, threatening to make an appearance. He pressed his lips together firmly, trying to regain control over his emotions. He blinked harshly, trying to force the tears away.

”You asshole!”

Lawrence frowned, looking down at his sister. "I—" His voice fell silent, completely lost for words. Everything about Phoebe was the same, as though the siblings had been freezing in time. He had grieved the loss of his family countries, accepting there was no way he could return to Elk Valley without his father driving a stake through his heart. He considered returning so many times before, each time lurking in the woods surrounding their village, preparing himself to walk back into his family and demand to be allowed to return home. But he made a promise to his parents. He would never come back.

His parents also made a promise to him as well, that they would find a cure for vampirism. They broke their promise within a year, instead, they threw all their attention at Phoebe. Preparing her to be the next leader, something which amused him, knowing his sister would detest the idea of being the leader. She was too much of a free spirit to be kept confined to Elk Valley. Phoebe was always the one yearning for adventure, whereas Lawrence was happy with where he was. Safe and secure in the coven.

Being a vampire changed everything for him. It changed who he was. The naive, reserved, docile warlock died that evening when he drove into a tree at high speed. Now he was a confident, outgoing and independent vampire.

Phoebe swung her fist into Lawrence's chest, before shoving him backwards with a strength greater than a human. He stumbled back a little, colliding with the stranger behind, but he didn't bother to turn back to check if they were okay. His sister's words hit him hard as he took a deep breath, his own voice lodged in his throat as though he'd lost the ability to speak.

There were a few regrets he had carried with him over the years, and not saying goodbye to his sister was one of them. He should have fought harder against his parents, refused to comply with their orders, but he was only 19. A young boy who was terrified of what was happening to him and trusting his parent's decision to throw him out in the world telling him he would be fine. His sibling ejected herself into his chest, throwing her arms around her. "Shit, I've missed you too" He gave in to his emotions, wrapping his arms around Phoebe, as tears started to flow freely from his eyes, struggling to believe he was actually hugging his sibling. "I'm so sorry I left you"

Lawrence drew back from Phoebe after a moment, quickly rub the tears away from his eyes, "But, how are you alive? Please don't tell me you're a vampire as well" As happy as he was to see his flesh and blood standing in front of him, he hated to think she had been through what he'd been through.


PHOEBE MURPHY

Hushed discussions between his parents in the early hours of the morning as Phoebe lay sleeping in her bedroom, completely unaware of what was happening. LAwrence stood in between his parents as they decided his fate. Was he allowed to stay or did he have to leave? They say a parent’s love for their child is unconditional, but not for all. If he was allowed to stay, the Coven would turn against them. The Coven was more important than their child. The idea of Phoebe taking over as leader was thrown about too. That’s all they cared about in the end. Who was going to be the next leader.

Lawrence begged his parents to let him say goodbye to his sister. He just wanted to see her one last time and tell her everything was going to be okay. His mom almost allowed but his dad put his foot down. He was head of the house, his word goes. Their eldest was to leave immediately with only a handful of belongings to avoid suspicion. He could see the tears glittering in his mom’s eyes, but his dad’s face was expressionless. As far as he was concerned his son was dead. His mom assured him it would be easier for Phoebe if she just thought he was dead. It would stop her from trying to seek out her sibling in the years thereafter.

Naively he believed his parents were acting in his best interest. They made empty promises to him, said they would find a way to bring him back but it was nothing but lies. Eventually it dawned on him, they just wanted him out of the Coven, no longer part of their family. No longer part of any family. Alone in the world. It was the snowball of emotions that pushed him to flip that damn switch. Waking up every morning with that feeling of rejection and loneliness weighing down on his chest, forcing the oxygen out of his lungs. He couldn’t bear it anymore and when Rosie told him to just stop feeling that weight was lifting.

Suddenly all the reasons just sounded like lame excuses. He should have gone back for his sister’s sake, but here she was, throwing her arms around him after thumping hard at his chest. The one person he’d longed to see for nearly 80 years was right here. The person he’d missed the most.

There were days he was on the edge of returning. Telling his parents they had to deal with his being a vampire and that was that, but what if they did try and kill him? Being abandoned by his parents was one thing, but if they made an attempt on his life. That was something he would never get over. There were other days he was so full of anger and hatred that didn’t want to return. Then there were the odd days he wanted to go back and kill them. Show them what he’d truly become. A monster.

Lawrence closed his eyes for a moment, fresh tears prickling at them again as Phoebe revealed the veins beneath her eyes, “Shit...” His voice trailed off, opening his eyes again. It was heartbreaking to see his sister had been forced down the same path as him. Path of immortality driven by the need to drink human blood. He kept the tears at bay though as his sibling turned to the bartender to order a bottle of vodka. “Wait” He called out to the bartender, regaining control of his voice, “Can you put it on my staff tab, eh?” He glanced back at Phoebe with a smile. “I work here so I get a discount” He wasn’t about to pay full price for their cheap imported vodka.

He turned his attention back to Phoebe, listening to her. Revenge. That’s all it was in the end, something that too had dictated Lawrence’s actions for decades. Nervously, he chewed at his bottom lip.[ “I did come back a few times, but it was heartbreaking to see mom and dad move on so easily… as though I never existed… I couldn’t handle it, especially with all the heightened emotions... I tried my best to just push on with my life as… this” There was so much he wanted to say to his sister, but all of it was forgotten. So many emotions, so much lost time. “I’m sorry for leaving you. Dad forced me out… I was too scared to come back... I was a coward” Even as a human he hesitated on taking risks, always needing Phoebe behind him to push him, telling him it would be okay. “Please forgive me” The thought daunting on him that Phoebe may resent him for leaving her behind.

If it was the other way round Phoebe would have laughed in their parent's face, refused to follow their orders. But being a vampire had crafted Lawrence into a shadow of his human self. Over the years he had become more assertive, learning to stand his ground and even taking more risks.

The employee soon returned with their bottle of vodka and glasses. Lawrence gave him a swift nod before cracking open the bottle. He poured them both a glass each. “Cheers” He held his glass up, with a warm smile on his face.


PHOEBE MURPHY

There was no denying his hands were stained with blood, but he was certain lives could have been saved if his parents let him stay. They couldn’t cure him, but they could have helped him adjust to his new life. Instead, they tossed him out like trash causing Lawrence to lose control. Life suddenly had no meaning. He had no family, no home and nowhere to turn so he submerged himself into the lifestyle of a vampire. A side of him he never knew existed came to light. A once gentle, caring and docile human was now violent, cold and angry. His parents could have prevented all that from happening if they just showed him the love that was expected of that.

But now the one person who could drag him back to his roots, to his old self, was here. But what if that version of him she loved all those centuries ago had now died? He was scared his sister wouldn’t like what he had become, but over the years Teddy had helped to bring the old version of himself back to the surface. Perhaps now he had changed for the better. No longer a lost 19 little boy who leaned on his parents for support.

There were fleeting moments he caught himself thinking becoming a vampire was the best thing that happened to him.

It never crossed his mind that he would see his sibling again. He expected her to be six feet under with the rest of them. If only he went back sooner he would have known. Her life had taken the same path as his, but he was furious they kicked her as well. Their bloodline was dead and no doubt the coven died soon after unless someone dared to stand up as the leader. Stand against his father, but it was doubtful. The members were nothing but sheep who did whatever they were told to do.

Neither children were born to be leaders of the coven though. Lawrence lacked confidence and Phoebe was too rebellious. His father would constantly yell at him for not being more assertive. There was a time Lawrence considered going back to Canada to show his father what he had become.

Of course it wasn’t her first drink. A smile formed on his face at his sister's words, followed by a short laugh, “Oh I know… you used to sneak into dad's drink cabinet” The clanging of bottles as his sister would shuffle through the cupboard late at night. Lawrence however wouldn’t have dared do something like that. His dad told him it was off-limits and that was the end of that. Always the one to stick to the rules.

Lawrence drew his bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling on it gently. He made the selfish decision to never go back. Putting his own emotions first. Every time he visited he would be hit with a new wave of anger and rejection. With an eternity ahead, he knew he had to stop going back. He needed to move forward and forget what happened. “I know...” That’s all he had to say. There was no point in trying to justify his behaviour. Phoebe knew why he didn’t return.

It was a relief to hear his sister say there was nothing to forgive. A weight lifting off his chest. All he wanted to do was put the past behind him, once again, and make up for lost time with Phoebe.

He took a deep breath, exhaling harshly. Doing what he does best he pushed his emotions aside as he reached for the glass. With a quick nod, he knocked the shot back, his face grimacing more than Phoebe’s. Vodka was the devil's liquor leaving his mouth burning as he placed the glass back down on the bar. At least it would quell his hunger for a short period of time.

Lawrence poured the siblings a second shot as Phoebe asked if he’d been in Mystic Falls the whole time. An expression of amusement on his face, “I thought I was an easy person to track down” He sounded surprised. One step into New Orleans a few years ago and Lawrence would be found behind a bar somewhere or feeding on the tourist in the darkened alleyways, “No I’ve only been here a few years “ Fingers wrapped around the glass once again, “New Orleans before this for about 50 years… then before that…” He sighed softly, drawing the glass up to his lips, “Chaos” This time he didn’t react as much when throwing back to the second shot. “How about you? Where have you been?... And why are you here?” Truthfully, it didn't matter when she was here. All that mattered was that she was back in his life.

PHOEBE MURPHY