FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
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Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on Mar 30, 2021 19:13:49 GMT
 ━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━ April 6th
Every visit home after she’d moved to Mystic Falls had been positive. And it wasn’t that Easter wasn’t, but it felt as though everybody was walking on eggshells around her. Freyja hated that. Her mom had even come to pick up her and Grim instead of one of her brothers, jumping out of the car to grab Freyja’s overnight bag and Grim’s leash, as if she’d crumble under the weight of them. Annalynn argued that she shouldn’t be carrying anything, and Freyja argued back that it was only a few outfits in a bag; it wouldn’t cripple her. But over the weekend, she’d realized just how terrified they all were━it seemed that nobody thought Freyja should be pregnant and all alone, and more than an hour’s drive from her family.
She wasn’t alone, though. Theo was with her the whole time, sitting in the backseat of her parents’ car, always there when she looked at him in the side mirror and smiled. Grim curled up on the other side, and spent most of his time staring up at Theo, as per usual. Her mom kept looking sideways at Freyja, as if a visual check would ensure her daughter wasn’t falling apart on the inside.
It’d gotten a little easier every day. In the beginning, she continuously woke up crying after spotting Theo and assuming━in her daze━that it’d all just been a nightmare. She’d reached over once or twice to pull him in for comfort, her hand going straight through his body and the realization striking down hard. It was still difficult, but Freyja rathered he’d be around as a ghost than not at all. Maybe it made it impossible to move on and slide through the stages of grief, but at least she’d be able to co-parent with him in some way.
“Is he here?”
She’d heard that all throughout the long weekend, the first time during the journey to the farm. Freyja pulled her eyes from Theo’s and smiled at her mom, nodding twice, then motioning to where he sat in the backseat. Annalynn had looked in the rearview mirror, and then even glanced over her shoulder, as if she’d be able to spot him.
Freyja spent the holiday passing messages back and forth, though there was still an edge of uneasiness throughout her time home. Even Jack was nice to her, talking quietly whenever she was in the room, never once teasing or daring to pelt her with anything as he usually did. They hadn’t let her do any chores, either━barring Freyja in the house with her mom, destined to burn all their meals, just as it had been when she was too little for her protests to be taken seriously. She felt trapped and uncomfortable, like she was made of fucking glass.
She’d reached for Theo’s hand in Church and then stopped just short of him, laying her palm next to his, like she had during his funeral. It was different here, though━this was the Church they were supposed to get married in. Now they’d never have that. Freyja had worn a puffy, peplum blouse to hide her baby bump, a style she’d begun to invest heavily in now━especially at work. It was getting a lot harder to hide, and though her parents had told her not to worry about it, she still didn’t want to cause any trouble for them. Their town was tiny, and everybody knew everyone else━the last thing they needed was gossip spreading about their only daughter going out and getting knocked up without a ring on her finger.
Sometimes she still felt ashamed about it, but she couldn’t demand a wedding from him now. She couldn’t even touch him.
In the end, Freyja survived the visit home. Most nights were spent silently ranting to Theo in her childhood bedroom or in the hayloft, when she’d been able to sneak away from everybody else. She knew nobody wanted her to go back, getting extra-long hugs from each of them and a dozen promises of “if you need anything, just call. We’ll be here.”
And on Tuesday, after taking the day off for her ultrasound, she sat on her bed in nothing but a bra and underwear, a jar of pickles and another of peanut butter resting between her legs. Grim laid at the foot of the bed, switching between napping and staring at Theo.
Shamelessly, Freyja forked out pickle after pickle, smudged on a spoonful of peanut butter, and then stuffed her face, green eyes trained on the laptop. It sat with its lid against Grim’s middle, The Goonies playing with the subtitles on━for Theo, of course. She always kept them off until they had no other way to watch movies together.
About a million pillows were propped against her back and arms, keeping her more than comfortable, belly protruding as far as it would go. It wasn’t as big as it would get, but there was a definite roundness that had never been there before.
“Andy, you gooooonie!” Freyja shouted, waving her fork in the air, the current pickle nearly flying right off. She gave Theo a wide grin, figuring that at least he was saved from all her shouting. She still wished she could’ve crowded around him and shared her snacks (probably separately, though), but Freyja could pretend, in moments like these, that they were still an ordinary couple. She ignored the fact that he didn’t make a divet in her bed, and the slight transparency to his entire body, just for a split second of bliss.
“We have to get ready to leave soon.” Freyja signed to him after sticking the fork (and pickle) into her mouth, keeping her hands free until she was done. She pulled it out a second later, the last pickled vegetable crunching between her teeth as the jars were closed, lids tightened on each before being balanced on the pillows.
Freyja slid forward, closing her computer and beckoning Grim off the bed. He jumped down, leaving the space free for her to stand and begin to dress, trying to find something loose and dark to throw on━just in case she saw anybody from work.
THEO DAMASCA |   |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 179
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 11, 2024 20:33:58 GMT
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Post by THEO DAMASCA on Mar 31, 2021 18:11:58 GMT
It had been a very different visit to Freyja’s parents’ home this time. The ride there punctuated with flurries of hands, his eyes on hers in the rear-view mirror. Grim with him in the back, focusing on him every time he came around from sleeping. Freyja’s mom in the front, her eyes on her daughter the entire time, the way his were. Watching her. Caring for her. Not sure how all of this wasn’t shattering her, those cracks working their way from the inside out as the baby they’d created together grew in a stomach that was beginning to show the swell of the pregnancy. That hadn’t stopped her family from fussing over her. He was so glad she had them, had Frank and even that asshole Kit. People on her side when he couldn’t be. Theo knew their child was gonna grow up so loved and somehow it was making it all a little easier.
Cause it hadn’t been, no matter how hard he’d tried to put a poker face on over all of it.
Sometimes he would head back to Frank, to check in on his brother, to make sure that grief hadn’t ground him away to nothing. The boyfriend’s eyes would be on him then, the veil still there between them even though he’d made attempts to communicate. He’d come back, heart sore, a little frustrated. Nights spent there in the bed they had once shared, watching Freyja as she slept, wishing beyond anything that he could hold her for just a minute, to curl his fingers over that small bump and cradle the life within. Just a single minute but it hadn’t come. He’d been left to watch, to linger, to see the pain on her face, tears streaming down her cheeks as she woke and the truth of the situation struck her again. Heart sore again, grieving as hard from this side for all he had lost.
Watching everybody else grieve for him. Even her family in a way.
There’d been a touch of amusement at that, watching her family ask, seeing them looking for him as though a glimpse in the right direction would reveal him there, leaning against the kitchen counters, his hand an inch from Grim’s head in the back seat, unable to scratch him between his ears. Freyja had been their go between. Reassurances flying from his own fingers, even though he knew it wouldn’t change the way her brothers and parents were treating Freyja. A different mood to their first time here, a melancholy that lingered through the Easter trip to church, Freyja’s aborted reaching for him and that hour long trip back home again. Broken by those nights in her bedroom or up in the hayloft where their baby had been conceived. The hayglobe a sanctuary again.
The nerves hadn’t been eating the pit of his stomach alive there. Maybe it had been the pall of worry he could feel from her family that had covered it all. They were back now though, jumping in the pit of his stomach, a sensation that would’ve left him nauseous if he was capable of it anymore. The pickles and peanut butter would’ve been an added layer of queasy over it.
Theo made a sound low in his throat that he was sure only he could hear and it was rusty at that. Hazel eyes drifted between Grim, the laptop Freyja had propped against Grim’s side, the jars in the lee of her legs that the monstrosities were being combined out of and that smooth curve of her stomach. His legs stretched out beside hers, his body angled in as he lay on one side. His elbow planted in the mattress, that palm propping his head up and the earthwork of pillows Freyja had propped herself up on a smudge in his peripheral vision.
Dipping his chin as she yelled and waved her fork, Theo laughed, a little of that tension bleeding away even as he yanked his legs up out of pickle range. He curled them up towards his chest, signing slopping to her with just his left hand. ””You’re such a goof.” There’d been a time when he would’ve yelled back at her, stealing the jar of peanut butter away at least to dip a finger tip into it. Now all of that humour was stretched thin over that silent connection between them. ”Be careful with the monstrosity or Grim’s gonna be wearing it.” He aimed a warning finger at the dog, knew there was just as big a chance the monstrosity would’ve ended up being stolen from the end of the fork before she shoved it all in her mouth.
Lips suddenly dry, Theo nodded and sat up. The bed covers slid beneath him as though they were covered with a sheet of glass, that separation always there. He sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on her knees as he watched her. She’d said we, as though anybody but her would see him … in exactly the same things he’d died in. Thankfully free of blood, of the holes torn through his clothing and flesh. He’d seen them, standing over his body afterwards as Frank had tried to shove life back into it with CPR, at the police station afterwards when his brother had made the official identification. ”Yellow sundress?” he asked hopefully, a sly grin replacing those nerves. ”What can I say, I’m a fan.” He saw her fingers brushing the dark though, too redolent of the widow’s clothes he’d seen so many times growing up. Families slipping out to watch the mourning when it was pine boxes the planes brought back to base instead of live men and women. ”Hey!” They were always so careful not to touch but he was slipping as close as he could, that now almost comforting ache of tears pricking the backs of his eyes as he shook his head. ”Not today. Something bright, something to celebrate. For me?” He hadn’t liked asking for anything, hadn’t wanted to push in all of those weeks but not able to touch her, not even able to hear her voice, he felt cut off, he didn’t that added impression of a widow crushing him on top of it, not today.
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FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
|
Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on Apr 13, 2021 5:16:36 GMT
━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
It didn’t matter how she felt, though. This wasn’t going to change, and all Freyja could do was make it easier on herself. That meant acting like this was normal, trying not to miss a beat on her day-to-day life now that she’d had time to adjust. Nobody else could see Theo hovering by her side, and so Freyja had to get used to it.
The time when she would’ve done anything to get closer, curling into Theo as if she didn’t have a whole expanse of bed at her disposal, felt like it had been centuries ago. Forgotten now as she cringed away from his hands, terrified to experience that bone-deep chill, a reminder that she’d never hold him again. If Freyja could avoid it, she would, still trying to pretend this wasn’t as horrible as it was━still clinging tightly to that memory of his warmth.
She felt guilty for doing it, green eyes flicking to his hazel ones, the apology strewn across her features.
‘Not today. Something bright, something to celebrate. For me?’
Celebrate what? The fact that her boyfriend was dead, the father of her child cursed to watch them go on from afar? Or that she felt completely alone, destined to be fucking heartbroken forever, raising a child that would remind her of him every day.
She didn’t say any of that, though. Freyja was still putting on a good face for everyone else, especially Theo, who was surely going through the worst of it. He was the one who’d died, who’d been stripped from his family and every part of it that would continue to grow without him. Freyja had nothing to complain about━at least she was still here.
Her eyes fell to the drawer of dark clothing, one hand raising, the heel of her palm rubbing away a stray tear. Freyja nodded twice slowly, swallowing the thick lump in her throat as she packed away from the drawer. She went to the closet instead, pulling it open. Hands hovered over that yellow sundress, but there was no way she could actually do it. It reminded her too much of when they were happy; the day her life had started and ended with Theo.
Knuckles went white around the fabric, hanging onto it as if the hangers could support her weight. Her knees buckled, and she was flipping through the clothes after another silent moment, pushing through them with a newfound fury stemmed from the tears that weren’t ceasing to fall. She found a long-sleeved dress, something for the cooler temperature, though it wouldn’t hide the curve of her stomach like she’d been doing since she’d started to show.
Slipping the thick, blue material over her head, Freyja turned back to Theo as she straightened it out, finding his face again. The anger faded, finding no use for it anymore. She could’ve snapped at him, asking if he approved of this dress, but it wasn’t necessary, and it’d only make them both feel worse. So, Freyja forced on a smile, hands meeting at the space below her bump, cradling it for a moment before they were raising again. “It’s not warm enough for the yellow dress.”
Moving back to the bed, Freyja set a knee on the edge of it to scoop up the jars, turning to walk them back to the kitchen. The pickles went back in the fridge, peanut butter in the pantry, and she was grabbing her bag from the table in seconds, suddenly rushing to get out of there. Freyja double-checked everything, ensuring she had her phone, keys, and whatever else she might’ve needed for the day. Her eyes went to Theo, finding him like a lighthouse at sea, a steady presence in this whirlwind, even if he wasn’t there to hold and comfort her.
“Let’s go.” She smiled, finding genuine happiness in it this time, excited for their appointment.
Freyja was slipping out the door moments later, locking it behind her, and heading to that damn elevator. At ground level, she waited until they were out of the building and on the street before she said anything to Theo. “I think we’ll get to hear his heartbeat today.” She was beaming finally, one hand falling to that same gold necklace settled on her chest, not realizing until a few seconds later that Theo wouldn’t be able to hear it. She was frowning again, a slight shake of her head. “I’m sorry.” Freyja croaked, circling her fist over her chest before she grabbed that necklace once more. She’d been too focused on that one moment of happiness, so excited to share it with him that she hadn’t realized it was another thing stolen from them.
It was beginning to feel like they had nothing left, and Freyja hated that. Being in love and pregnant were supposed to be two eternally happy things, and yet they were dragging her soul down like nothing she’d ever felt before.
THEO DAMASCA | |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 179
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 11, 2024 20:33:58 GMT
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Post by THEO DAMASCA on Apr 19, 2021 19:00:11 GMT
If he wasn’t already dead this would’ve killed him. The ultimate torment, able to be so close to her, watch every tiny change in her body as the pregnancy progressed, to see every emotion roll over her face, to want so badly to reach out. Separated by death and that invisible wall so he couldn’t even hear her voice. That guy had warned him it would be like this. Theo knew he should’ve listened but even if he had the choice wouldn’t have been any different. How did you just walk away and leave the people you loved the most? The rational voice in the back of his mind whispered that it was the people who didn’t want to torment themselves by seeing all that grief. It would’ve been right but laying here, watching Freyja shovel that monstrosity into her mouth he’d known he never would’ve been able to. She was it for him, had been from that moment she’d walked into Di Marco’s, hair and dress plastered to her skin.
No matter how many moments like this there were, when he had to watch Freyja cringe away from his touch. How many times his heart shattered in his chest as he shook his head at her, trying to wave away the guilt and apology he saw written over those features that he’d mapped a thousand times in his head in the last couple of weeks. Eyes fixed on her all night like he’d blink and suddenly he wouldn’t even be here anymore, that chance to see her and the baby snatched away like the universe was trying to correct the fact that he was still clinging on here.
Theo wanted to curl his hands into his palms, to drop his head as his heart sank but he tried to keep his eyes on her instead, to get Freyja to meet his eyes instead of looking away to what he’d started to think of as her mourning clothes. Her shield.
Shit.
Her hand was rising, her hand rubbing away a tear she wasn’t hiding anymore than he’d ever been able to hide his. The mood slipping over that cliff into that abyss of grief he felt like he was still drowning in on a daily basis. He’d asked too much. Knew it as she couldn’t even bring herself to drag the yellow sundress from the closet. Theo swallowed, his eyes flickering shut as that burn turned into the silent crest of a tear over his lashes. If he could reach through that veil for just a moment then, to settle his hand over hers as he signed a sorry for asking for that reminder of when it had been good, when they’d had that night, with the other. It was all he could do now, keep apologising for things he couldn’t do a single damn thing to change.
He opened his eyes again as Freyja slipped into a different dress instead, meeting her eye as she turned back to him in it. No anger in her expression, everything locked back down as she forced a smile. Her hands curled around her stomach for a moment before she offered a balm for that pain with an excuse. ”Good point, don’t want either of you getting cold.” The human water bottle he once would’ve been for her a cold smudge in the air she couldn’t bring herself to touch. Trailing after her Theo slipped his hands into his pockets, tucking himself into that discrete space for a moment so she could bustle around him without flinching away. He pulled them free again as she came back to him, his lips curling up into an unforced smile. ”You look great,” he promised. That was the truth, one he couldn’t say as often as he had, no rough edge to his voice that emotion always brought.
The feeling was still there in his chest though, his eyes on her, always on her now, his beacon in all that silence, as they left the apartment and slipped into the street. This was a dance they were getting used to now. Freyja often typing into her phone so she could talk to him without all eyes being on her. The people in Mystic Falls were filled with concern but it wasn’t something they needed. Theo hurried a couple of steps ahead, turning to move backwards to mock narrow his eyes at her, returning her grin though. ”His? Still so sure we’re having a boy. We’ll here her heartbeat today.” A daughter with her mother’s eyes and mischievous grin. Hopefully not cursed with what had cut her father’s life short. He saw Freyja’s hand drop to her necklace and was already shaking his head at her. ”No, you don’t have to be sorry.” There was a vehemence back in his signs. He was cut off from hearing her voice but he wasn’t blind, he wouldn’t miss this.
Theo’s hands were flying in the air, that last sixth sense of people moving towards him having him buck away from them on the sidewalk to avoid that sensation of someone moving through him, that wrench, that shock of it. His lips pressed together, finger tips tapping below his eyes as he tried to cut that apology off. ”I can see your heartbeat right there, yours too. I’m going to see the baby’s too. Our heartbeats. All of ours. Don’t be sorry for that baby.” His smile still held an edge but it was slanted at her now, more teasing than sad or hurt. ”We’ll see if she’s got her mom’s build instead of her dad’s Hulkness. She better have your nose, not your cooking ability though. We don’t want to have to have the fire station on speed dial. You think there’s a chance there’s gonna be two heartbeats on that screen?” It was a distraction, the chatter that would’ve streamed out of him anyway. He didn’t want Freyja alone on a gurney, hands fisting into the cool blue paper towel beneath her as their baby shifted and squirmed on the screen, completely unaware of the tragedy that’d struck their lives yet.
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FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
|
Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on May 4, 2021 4:16:37 GMT
━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
The baby that was most definitely a boy. They kept having this ‘argument’, teasing just like they’d done before━when he was alive. When they could hear the tone of each other’s voices and Freyja didn’t have to worry about the expression on her face. She knew he could read her just as well as she could read him, but it still felt as though there was a layer of difficultly on them━over everything they did now. He couldn’t even ask her to put on a dress without Freyja nearly lashing out at him.
She missed burying her fingers in his hair and feeling nothing but calm wash over her. Freyja missed the security Theo brought to her life, somehow stolen so simply by a man neither of them knew.
She pushed that away. It wasn’t the time. This was about them, their baby boy. “It makes sense.” Freyja rolled her eyes, softened by her bright smile. Like most things, she thought of this analytically. “Your mom only had boys; my mom had almost all boys. How would we not have a boy?” It was almost as impossible as the chances of their conception in the first place, maybe even less so. Still, Freyja wouldn’t give up her decision━she’d chosen a side, so she’d stick to her guns, and once he was born, she would get to rub it in Theo’s face.
Freyja caught herself when she’d talked about it, though, a quick apology that met only with Theo’s eternal sweetness. She didn’t know how she’d ever gotten so lucky with him. Even a world away, with no form of communication but hand gestures, he could still ease her worry just as fast as he’d always done. Freyja smiled softly back at him, following Theo along the sidewalk, keeping his eyes on his, worrying so much less about the people around them now. She raised her hand, pressing a kiss to her fingers, and then blew it to Theo. That could surely cross the veil, a little bit of love travelling to him.
She held onto their heartbeats as they walked, carefully watching Theo’s hands. It forced her out of her own head, focusing on him instead of the plague she could so easily fall into. “He won’t be little, not with the way I’ve been wolfing down food. My nose, and hopefully, he won’t think he’s so fucking funny like you do. Dickhead.” Freyja ended off with her middle finger closest to Theo; eyes narrowed playfully at him. “There better not be two fucking heartbeats,” She shook her head and laughed gently. “I’ll quit right away. Give one to Frank and Kit, see if they can keep it alive for more than three days. Then Frank will turn Kit, and they’ll be the cutest gay dads the world’s ever seen.” Freyja joked, though she really didn’t think she’d be able to handle two. One would be hard enough without Theo, but two little faces staring up at her? Two constant reminders of the man she’d lost? She couldn’t bear the thought of it even now.
Freyja ignored the looks she got from those around her, especially after she’d flipped Theo off. At some point, she couldn’t keep caring about what everybody else thought━not when it came to communicating with him. She probably wouldn’t see half these people ever again anyway.
Smaller spaces were different, though. Freyja’s hands stilled just before grabbing the handle, pulling open the front door to the clinic. She gave it an extra little push after walking in, appearing to everybody else like she was holding it open for nobody at all. Freyja was giving Theo spare time to slip through without them ever having to touch, though, and helping him avoid the need to travel straight through walls or closed doors. It ruined the illusion, tore holes right through everything she’d built up to keep her sanity.
Freyja tucked her hair behind one ear as she approached the front desk, giving her name, and eventually being ushered off to a room that looked… ridiculously sanitary. She’d found her way down onto the gurney, continuously catching Theo’s eye as she did so━as if he was going anywhere. Laying down, she folded up the bottom of her outfit until it was bunched just under the curve of her chest, leaving her in only leggings with her belly exposed.
Freyja frowned softly at Theo, one hand gripping the edge of the bed while she waited for the technician. She tried to breathe, relaxing after a moment, her hand turning over, palm facing Theo. She knew he couldn’t hold it, but it was still a small offering━something to pretend they could still do this together. He should’ve been there with her, really holding her hand and crying with Freyja while they watched the images of their baby flash up on the screen… but, as it always was now, they’d have to settle for what they could get. “I know he’s okay,” Freyja started with one hand, movements slow. “But I’m still nervous.” She’d been incredibly stressed lately, and that couldn’t be good for the baby at all. Freyja stared longingly at Theo, still wishing she could will him back into this world, or that’d she’d wake up from this awful nightmare, and he’d still be laying beside her, as happy as they were that day before he’d gone to work and never come home.
But, as the technician knocked twice quickly, entered, and only acknowledged Freyja, she knew her hope was only a pipe dream.
THEO DAMASCA | |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 179
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 11, 2024 20:33:58 GMT
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Post by THEO DAMASCA on May 6, 2021 19:42:38 GMT
He’d have been a liar if he’d said that he hadn’t pictured this happening at some point during that long, long, long life. Kids running wild in Mystic Falls, turning him fully grey before he hit forty. Kids with Freyja’s face and fierce attitude, ones who could wrap him around their little finger the same way their mother could. Theo knew that most guys didn’t start planning all of that within months of meeting a woman but he hadn’t given a damn. He had plans, all wrapped up in tape and plum coloured paper.
The hunter in the woods had sliced through them with that knife as surely as he had his heart. Tearing them to shreds. He hadn’t been able to destroy them completely but what they had now, this patched together version of their future, wasn’t what he’d wanted, or what he’d imagined. Theo felt his palms practically itching as he started to walk backwards, wanting to reach for her, to draw her in and argue his point with his lips on hers. He couldn’t though, couldn’t hold her hand through this scan or press his brow against her bump as he dropped to his knees to talk to the baby. He was left to just narrow his eyes at the roll of Freyja’s green ones, the smile that curved beneath them. ”The streak’s gotta end at some point and I’m saying it’s right here. First girl on the Damasca side in 3 generations. Third time’s the charm.” He was pretty damn sure that their daughter was gonna break the streak in more ways than one as he glanced down at her bump.
A little girl who was going to grow up without riding around town on her dad’s shoulders or hearing his voice. He wouldn’t hear hers, his daughter’s first word, which undoubtedly would’ve been dada. Freyja knew it too, her sudden apology as she’d mentioned hearing their daughter’s heartbeat today tearing at his gut. Theo was swallowing hard as he shook his head at her, warding off her apology, his hands moving hard in emphasis. His lips twitched faintly as she smiled back at him, his smile growing as she blew him a kiss. Catching it from the air, Theo pressed it against his heart, keeping his hand there, spanning the spot on his ribs where the hunter had stabbed him, while his eyes burned faintly.
He would still see it, the tracing of a heartbeat so much faster than her mother’s across a screen, the flicker of a heartbeat in the black and white image of their kid. One days hers would be added to her parents, those tracings kept close to Freyja’s heart, echoes of it crossing the great divide between them. Theo’s lips had pressed together as he’d assured Freyja of it but now they were curling back into that easy smile at the thought of whatever else the scan would reveal. ”Cause a diet of pickles and peanut butter’s so nutritious?” he asked, a laugh breaking through. ”Your nose, your eyes, your way of licking everything. She’ll get my height, my sense of humour, definitely.” Catching the bird she flipped him, Theo returned her earlier gesture and blew her a kiss. ”Two, three heartbeats maybe, all girls. Oh, don’t you dare.” Eyes narrowing to flinty slits Theo shook his head in warning. ”Don’t you dare. Any kid in that house would end up like Mowgli in the Jungle Book.” He loved his brother and knew he’d made a great uncle but having Kit and Frank raise a kid? That put a shudder down his spine.
By the time they’d reached the clinic he’d finished shuddering it off. Freyja was gonna need Frank through this, Kit too, all the support he could possibly get for her in his stead in Mystic Falls. Theo darted inside behind her, hands tucked back into his pockets, trying to make all of this seem as normal as it couldn’t be while she was the only one who could see him. Like some twisted kid’s game where instead of trying to tag people you were avoiding them. He stayed close behind as Freyja was shown to the exam room, hovered at the far side of the gurney as she exposed her bump. Trying to ease her worry, he took a long slow look at that growing curve of her stomach, letting out a low whistle as he winked at her.
A lump filled his throat as he watched her turn her hand over on the gurney to expose her palm. He couldn’t hold her hand the way he would’ve done through this, settling on the rolling stool at the side of her gurney to lift her hand to his lips in reassurance. Theo settled on the stool at least, lips curving softly at her while his eyes started to burn again. ”You’re both gonna be OK. She’s gonna be on that screen and we’re both gonna end up crying at how incredible our kid is. I’m gonna be right here, making sure of it. You’ve got me.” He wished there was more truth to it, more than he could do. Theo let his fingers hover over hers on the bed, not touching but as close as he could get as the technician walked in.
Gloves were snapped on. A small smile offered by the tech as she grabbed the squeezy bottle of gel from the equipment cabinet. She shifted close on the other side of the gurney from Theo. ”Ms Bentley? How are we doing today? This is going to be a little cold, sorry.” A squirt of the gel on her bared stomach before she reached for the ultrasound wand. The tech reached out with the other hand, thumbing on the screen a moment before she pressed the wand lightly against Freyja’s bump. Almost instantly the smile curved the woman’s face, practised maybe, certainly experienced, reassuring for the spirit on the other side of the bed who felt like his heart was gonna leap out of his chest as those grainy images flickered onto the screen. Tears filling his eyes, Theo settled his hand over Freyja’s before he even thought about what he was doing. One minute he was there on that stool, ready to sob his dan eyes out at the strong, steady pulse of his daughter’s heartbeat on the screen … the next.
Jesus. He drew in a breath, felt his lungs fill with it in a way they hadn’t in months. His fingers curled, his eyes darting around as he went to straighten up. What? The tech reached out, squeezed his hand gently to keep him down. ”Careful. Just a few minutes longer. There we are … that’s your baby. Their legs, their head, hands … we might have a champion boxer here…” Theo’s eyes went wide, easing back down. Inside of Freyja, God, he had no idea but it was like he was suddenly inside of her, looking out of those eyes he’d stared into a thousand times, feeling the stretch in his stomach, the faint pressure of the wand on his stomach.
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FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
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Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on May 15, 2021 1:14:06 GMT
━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
What he should’ve been doing was holding her hand while she laid on that gurney, feeling exposed and uncomfortable while she watched the technician get set up. Pleasantries exchanged━with Freyja doing her absolute best at small talk. A quiet hiss when the gel was slathered on, then a shared smile between the two women. It wasn’t so bad━surprising despite the warning, but cliche enough to have Freyja pulling some humour out of the situation. Freyja gave him a curt nod when he’d reassured her, one of those pressed smiles she put on when she felt like she was going to cry. She was sure he could read her, could see right through it, but the forced smile seemed almost necessary━a bandaid for their terrible situation.
She kept her hand frozen where it was so near to his own, as if she’d feel the heat radiating from him, and that it’d be enough. At this point, though, she was desperate enough that it probably could be. It’d be torture, of course, but at least Freyja would be able to feel his warmth in bed, and in moments like right then━or when she’d wanted to hold his hand during his funeral.
Green eyes moved from Theo to the screen once she felt the wand pressed to her skin, eyes narrowed at the image of… of their baby. Freyja held her breath for a moment, studiously mapping out the figure on the screen. For only a moment, she felt him hold her hand. It wasn’t warm like she hoped, but there was pressure, something tangible in her hand before she… he… what the hell.
Her lungs drew in with a breath that felt purposeful, off-rhythm and definitely not a command Freyja’d given to her brain. Her gaze flicked away from the screen finally, and Theo was gone. She could feel her fingers curl into themselves, searching for Theo’s hand, but there was more━she was shifting up without truly wanting to, eyes back on the technician within seconds. The woman was chiding her politely, trying to get Freyja to stay down. But she was, wasn’t she? Freyja had no intention of moving, and now Theo was━he was inside her body? Working through her?
“Can you hear me?” She asked, a thought in her own head━was it theirs now? Freyja pressed her palm to a dry, lower part of her baby bump, on the side where Theo was once standing. She wanted him━if he could, no matter how strange this was━to feel this, feel her, and their baby, somewhere buried within her body.
Finally, Freyja looked back to the technician, then to the screen, that smile no longer forced once she focused on the image again. “Holy shit. That’s our baby.” Freyja sniffled, vision growing fuzzy with tears. It could’ve come from either of them, honestly, but she shoved the blame on Theo anyway. “Am I just gonna be constantly crying now that you’re here, too?” It was easier to joke about than to really come to terms with it. They’d dealt with a lot of strange shit together, but this…? This took the cake.
“He’s…” Freyja started, a gentle, happy sob rolling out as she did. “Gosh, he’s━I know it’s just a black and white picture on a screen, but he’s so beautiful. I didn’t think I could love him more than I already do,” She let out a slow, shaky breath, not willing to move her eyes from the picture of him━unless Theo did, of course, but Freyja was betting he wanted to stare just as much as she did.
THEO DAMASCA | |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 179
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 11, 2024 20:33:58 GMT
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Post by THEO DAMASCA on May 16, 2021 15:39:21 GMT
They would be back here in a handful of months. A room full of more staff then, monitors beeping maybe, Freyja pacing that space like a cat in a cage, mouth that he loved turning the air blue while Frank or her mom hovered at her side. Her mom, definitely, Theo thought, a soundless laugh rolling through him as he imagined his brother here, forced to see things he’d never pictured. Probably turning a little green around the gills, taking the place of his brother though, a Damasca there to see the newest one born. The uncle that would be there for all the things he couldn’t be. The laugh ended in a shudder of a breath, eyes that glinted just a little with that pain as he watched the tech slick Freyja’s stomach with the gel. Theo swallowed hard, trying to push a smile back on his face as he watched Freyja do the same for the woman. Both of them putting on that brave face that went no more than surface deep.
On the stool at her side, he kept his hand hovering there over hers. Like he had been since the day she’d seen him in the square … a hair’s breadth apart with that impenetrable barrier of the veil between them. So thin it had felt like he could reach through it but every time he had come close Freyja had recoiled, drawing away from him in a way that had torn at the pit of his stomach. He was close enough today, to see their baby’s heart fluttering on the screen, to catch a glimpse of the profile he would only ever know from the other side of this. God, hopefully not that Damasca nose.
Theo’s lower lip quivered slightly with that restrained relief, eyes filling in the way he never could control, that sob of joy wanting to work it’s way through him. Before he could hold himself back his hand was closing that gap, settling on Freyja’s for just a moment before it was through, before he was in. For a moment he was still, caught up in that sense of suspended animation before he was drawing in his first breath in almost two months. The sensation so alien and yet so familiar at the same time. A body caught between two sets of mental instructions. The brush of fingertips against his palm as he curled them in, the tech’s hand right there, patting, soothing as he’d felt the urge to rise. Theo drew in another ragged breath, that huffed exhalation of wonder as he eased back down against the pillows.
He didn’t know what it looked like from the outside but he was grinning inside of Freyja, his heart contracting hard in his chest as he realised he could hear her again. The voice he’d tried to hold onto in that world of silence, sounding in his ears again, the soft lub-dub of Freyja’s heart a quiet syncopation to it again. ”I’m here, baby,” he promised, the tears wanting to start again, to stream from eyes capable of really crying them again now. Theo felt the curve of the bump under his palm, the solid press of flesh, the subtle shift of something beneath that was so different to the glide and press of that wand across his stomach. He could feel it all as if he were the one pregnant, the one stretched out. In a way he supposed he was now. ”Did you know this could happen … that I could feel …” That he could stretch out inside of her, a bigger invader than their child but right there with the two of them.
The smile spread, Theo’s watery laughter rumbling inside of Freyja’s head as they focused on the screen, the small form visible on it. Not clear yet, no full fledged baby kicking out with her daddy’s long legs, not even an idiot of whether or not she’d gotten lucky and had her mom’s nose, but recognisable all the same. ”Our girl,” he told her, tears he could quite easily have blamed on Freyja started to brim over her lashes. The laugh came again, that warmth he didn’t think he could ever feel again filling his voice. ”Every minute of the day. Every time you get happy, you’re gonna be sobbing. It’s the Damasca in you.” He might not have gotten the ring on Freyja’s finger but the moment he’d fallen in love with her he’d known that was where they were heading. His death hadn’t stopped that. She was carrying a Damasca, she was family. Frank, despite his own pain, would make sure of it. When he found the words to tell their parents they would make sure of it too.
The tech was smiling, the wand adjusting angles, the picture on the screen shifting subtly as she reached out to thumb a button on the machine. Snapshots captured. Their baby’s first photos, images to be clutched and displayed proudly. ”It always feels more real when you can see it,” she said understandingly. ”Sure you’re having a boy? Did you want to know the sex?”
Theo squinted at the screen. It wasn’t the first ultrasound he’d ever seen. He was a scientist, even if he’d never been what most would have seen as a medical doctor. If he’d wanted to he might’ve eventually been able to pick that truth apart but some part of him wanted to keep that mystery, that running joke between them a little longer. ”She’s beautiful,” he whispered inside of Freyja’s head, a slight sound of surprise filling him as he thought he felt something inside, a slow flutter. The third in their little hayglobe of a life that looked more tattered now, shaken up, disarrayed but all the pieces still caught there in one way or another. ”I love you both so much,” he started. ”I want you to know that while you can hear me, Freyja. I’m never going to stop loving either one of you.” Even if this one his one and only chance to say those words aloud again he wanted them to echo, for the baby still moving around on that screen, to hear them. To know that her daddy was never going to stop being there for them both.
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FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
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Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on May 27, 2021 23:36:48 GMT
━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
The image on the screen only added to her excitement, a happiness Freyja didn’t think she would ever feel again. Theo was here with her, with them, their baby and his… giant freakin’ head. She could only imagine how much pain it’d cause on the way out, but that was quickly forgotten, drowned out by all the joy that came with this moment. Overwhelming but so, so desperately needed. “Our boy,” She corrected with a tiny laugh, biting her lip as if that would hold her━their tears at bay. “Yeah? Which Damasca? You or him?”
“Sure you’re having a boy? Did you want to know the sex?”
Freyja’s eyes flicked to the technician before focusing right back on the screen, not wanting to leave him for longer than a millisecond. “No, we’re keeping it a surprise.” Maybe it was the cheerfulness, suddenly coming back into their lives like a tidal wave, that had Freyja rambling off to a perfect stranger, excitement lining her voice in a way it hadn’t for so long. “My partner and I keep arguing about it. Sucks for him ‘cause he’s wrong, but,” Freyja laughed, lifting the arm closest to the tech to let it curl over her head, resting on the gurney. Mentioning Theo wasn’t so sad anymore, not for the moment, not while he was sitting there in her head and chatting with her. They were a normal couple again, just for half a second.
The baby’s slight shift inside her womb was a normal occurrence for Freyja now, subtle and soft, but Theo’s reaction had her laughing aloud, sniffling happily through the tears that streamed down her cheeks.
‘I love you both so much,’
Freyja didn’t know how much she needed to hear that. His voice, his laughter swimming in her head, refreshing every memory, she thought that was all she’d ever needed━but his ‘I love you’ warmed her heart in a way that had Freyja wondering how long it’d been frozen. She didn’t know how long she could do this, but every so often she’d get crumbs of hope. This way, even if it would be a little strange, he could still hear their child’s voice and hold their baby. He’d have to use Freyja’s body as a vessel, but it… it was still something. And Freyja was desperate for all the ‘somethings’ she could collect.
“I love you.” Her voice was shaky and stricken, even on the inside. She wanted to give some of that joy back to him, the overabundance of joy that came from hearing the words again. It wasn’t just death that separated them, the inability to touch, but the hearing that made it extra fucking hard to get through this. They’d started with phone calls, ending so many nights with Theo’s voice rumbling out beside her in bed, his voice being the first thing she got attached to. Everything physical came after, and while she knew being close enough to touch and not able to would’ve hurt either way, this was just another thing taken from them. Returned now, though, and Freyja was so fucking grateful for it━for however long it lasted. “Say it again. Please. I wanna hear you say it again,” She didn’t care about begging or how hopeless she sounded; she needed him to repeat it over and over until the sound was burned in her memory. She’d never get sick of hearing his profession or the way he spoke her name.
“I’m always yours, Theo. Always. I can’t change that, and I don’t want to. I don’t care what it means. We’re gonna… you’re gonna be here, and we’re gonna do this for as long as we can.” Freyja had no idea how long he could last, but she was betting it wouldn’t be until she joined him. Nonetheless, she’d keep going as if it would be. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life. I… I feel like I’m living in that cheesy fucking nineties song but fuck, it’s so true. I was meant for you.” And he was gone, and that was that. It was a tough pill to swallow, the idea of never moving on, but she wouldn’t━there was nobody else for her.
THEO DAMASCA | |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 179
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 11, 2024 20:33:58 GMT
|
Post by THEO DAMASCA on Jun 5, 2021 22:53:34 GMT
He’d never been the sort of believe in miracles, had seen too much of the other side of that coin to believe he’d had a chance of one occurring. That had been before her though, before Freyja, before that first had been cut short by the hunter who chose to only see the horror of what had happened in that alleyway, instead of the good he’d tried to do. Trapped on the other side he’d seen fate try and prove him wrong as Freyja had admitted that she was pregnant. A miracle baby. The part of him she hadn’t lost at that man’s hands – their baby.
Theo focused on that miracle on the screen with eyes that weren’t his, Freyja’s voice in a mind they now seemed to share, as astounded by this as he was himself. He wanted to wrap arms around her, to be greedy and hold on to her for as long as he could but that would’ve been a miracle too far. Theo bit down on the sob that wanted to roll through him, through them. He could feel Freyja’s in his mind that tear filled jarring sensation that bit off into his laugh. “I’m gonna take up residence, you’re gonna have to put up with sharing. God, I missed your voice baby.” The tone of it slid over him like silk, wrapping around him in the way he’d wanted to wrap around her too. He wanted to hold on to it, not let it drift away like he’d been terrified it would be before, the silence eventually erasing what had been from his memories, leaving him fully adrift as he could only watch them.
Her laugh overlaid his, the sounds rolling together like their heartbeats had once done. Could their daughter hear them? Those tiny ears had already developed, in a couple of weeks she would’ve heard his voice if he’d been there, really there, his lips pressed to Freyja’s bump as he stretched out on the bed with her. Telling his daughter of the world before she made her appearance in it. Now he could only hope that she knew she had both of her parents there. No reaction on the screen, just that fluttering motion, tiny body parts semi-recognisable amongst the static. “Girl,” he echoed, only warmth in his tone. “Both of us. She’s gonna take after her daddy that way. Her mom’s looks, her dad’s emotions. I’m gonna be here.” A promise he’d made before but one he could hold onto all the harder now. No longer cut off from the two of them, not in the way he’d been.
Even now he was looking up, his gaze flicking with Freyja’s … maybe because of hers … to the tech … and then back. They could’ve known for sure today, put an end to the bickering over whether it was a girl or boy but with everything that had happened he wanted to hold on to that. Right up until the moment the baby was in Freyja’s arms and he could see them both, could see that their baby was healthy, untouched by the nightmare.
The tech grinned, shifting the wand as Freyja moved, keeping the baby in view as she took print outs using the button on the machine. Some for the doctor, some for the mom to be to take home. A knowing look curled her lips, her laughter echoing Freyja’s. “Men often are. Well, they’re looking perfect. Right on size for sixteen weeks.”
Relief rolled through Theo. No mention of any issues with the baby, no developmental problems … no problems with her ears. They’d never gotten to the bottom of what had happened with his own, the mystery something that had started to nag the moment the news had sunk in. “I’m right, that’s a girl if ever I saw one. You going to lose Bentley…” He still could, so easily, but whatever they had, he was going to ecstatic. A healthy baby, someone to be with Freyja, some part of him.
He was cut off from the thought of how perfect the baby was by the shift in Freyja’s stomach, their stomach. Something so subtle but special enough to stop his breathing for just a moment, to have those words spilling from his lips again. He needed to get them out while she could hear them, unsure now of how long this was going to last, if he would get another chance. Theo could feel the warmth of her tears on Freyja’s face, the vibration of his voice as it rasped out. The tears burned harder, his heart giving a little lurch as she returned the words, that shake to her voice. Even if this was the only time he wasn’t going to forget the sound of it. “I love you. Baby, don’t ever forget that. I love you, I’m going to love you until the last stars go dark. You hear me? I love you.” He could feel how much he did in his chest, the squeeze of his heart as she swore her love just as vehemently.
Theo gave another of those watery laughs as the tech withdrew the wand, reaching out to press a handful of tissues into Freyja’s palm. He close his fingers around them, lifting a hand to use a couple to wipe the tears away. “It’s never going to change. I’m always yours too, baby. I’m not going to leave the two of you. She’s going to grow up with two parents, no matter what comes. You better teach her all those songs. Play them her, let her know how her dad feels about her mom. Don’t let Frank pollute her ears with that shit he listens to.” He felt a faint rush of panic as the tech withdrew the wand, using a couple more tissues to clean Freyja’s stomach off. The wand was set aside, the images the machine had printed gathered and set at Freyja’s side. “We’re all done. Take as long as you need. Mary can arrange your next appointment on the way out.” A pat on the arm and the woman was slipping out, leaving the two of them alone again. He wasn’t ready for this to be over, wasn’t ready to slip away again, cut off from them both in a way that was tearing at him constantly.
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FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
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Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on Jun 17, 2021 16:30:34 GMT
━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
“You’re really cocky, huh? Clearly a boy. Don’t try to pull your stupid science stuff on me, buddy. I may be a hick, but I ain’t stupid.” Freyja laughed, knowing she would probably give him a playful shove if she could touch him… if he wasn’t just another floating voice in her head. She wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, though━this was the best thing she could imagine, and Freyja was more thankful for it than she’d ever been for anything in her whole life.
Sometimes, she hated how freely her tears fell. Freyja’d never been the type to show her emotions so outwardly, allowing them to flow whenever and however she wanted. She kept everything inside━until she met Theo. He brought out all the love and adoration she’d never felt before, something that stretched a million miles beyond anything platonic or familial, or whatever she’d felt for her first boyfriend. She found herself trying for him, and not only that━like with the sentimental gifts on his birthday━but that she trusted him enough to let it all go. Every mask dropped, barriers removed until there was nothing between them anymore. Now, that feeling was literal━nothing separated their beings at all, and Freyja, never the romantic, was seeing nothing but romance in this.
She loved him, and he loved her. She knew it whole-heartedly, without a doubt, but Theo’s reassurances helped, too.
Freyja was crying harder as he professed it, the arm that’d curled around her head lowering now, but Theo was taking control before she could figure out the best course of action. Tissues handed over, and he patted away her tears just as he always had, but with her hands now.
She paused for a moment after he spoke, letting the technician clean up and set the pictures at Freyja’s━their━side. The lady would be gone in a minute, and Freyja wanted to be alone with Theo before she continued blubbering━not that she could really stop it at that point.
‘We’re all done. Take as long as you need. Mary can arrange your next appointment on the way out.’
“Thank you,” Freyja spoke gently, smiling at the woman as she got up and left. Her fingers curled around the edges of the photos, deciding to leave her dress peeled upwards for now, leaving the three of them without barriers still. She rested the images on her tiny bump, using it as a ledge while she stared at them, slowly studying each one before moving to the next, having to blink away tears every few seconds. “Guess we can’t tell how big his nose is gonna be yet,” Freyja whispered with a gentle laugh, taking in a slow, shaky breath before tracing back to all the things he said before.
“I won’t… let him go a second without knowing how much you love him.” She sniffled, swallowing thickly, “Even if you have to tell him through me, it’s not going to change. He’ll know… he’ll know he had the best dad in the world.” Freyja stopped, choking on the sob that got stuck in her throat. She dropped the pictures to lay flat on the highest point of her belly, hands flinging up to cover her mouth as she cried, finally letting go of everything clogging up her throat. “Has. Has. I’m sorry,” Freyja gasped the words into the empty room, tracing both hands back down to her belly, pressing them to the underside and trying to focus on the good again. Why they were here.
She wanted to tell him she was scared. That she couldn’t do this without him, but that was just another reminder that he wasn’t here and he never would be. And Theo would only tell her that he was, that he wouldn’t leave, but that wasn’t what she meant and… she felt selfish for even thinking it. He was dead, and he was trying his fucking best and all she could do was cry and think about herself.
“I love you so much. I don’t know why I had to lose you right after everything was so… perfect.” Christmas, their first ‘I love you’s, the baby they didn’t yet know was on the way and a vacation to Italy on the horizon. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to complain to you when…” Another shaky sigh. Months had passed, and she still couldn’t bring herself to say it. Theo had it the worst out of any of them, and Freyja didn’t want to start comparing grief or heartaches.
“He’s healthy, and he has two parents that love him. That’s all that matters.” A verbal bandaid to slap over their broken hearts, and this family now ripped to shreds.
THEO DAMASCA | |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 179
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 11, 2024 20:33:58 GMT
|
Post by THEO DAMASCA on Jul 1, 2021 19:20:45 GMT
Tears blurred the view of the monitor but the steady flicker of a healthy heartbeat on the screen came through so clear. Seemingly growing in the safety of her mom’s womb, growing without a sign of the nightmare that had taken her father from her. Shielded. Kept safe from that bloody world. God, he would’ve done anything to stay and do that if he’d known that what had happened in their Hayglobe had led to this. He’d fought anyway, for Freyja, her name the last on his lips, her face in his head when that blade had sliced deep. Theo knew he couldn’t have fought any harder but seeing their baby, even through that gleam of tears made him wish he had, tearing with desperate hands until he’d been able to break free. If Frank had been there just a few minutes earlier…
He pressed his lips together, their lips together as he huffed a breath out through his nose. Holding back that sob that had tried to rack him, Freyja’s laughter the balm to nerves that had been raw since … Theo felt the ache in his chest, that amusement that rolled through her as she chuckled at him. He let out a low sound, feeling it as a vibration through them both, like he was bone of her bone, blood of her blood. ””Always. Who’s the one with a doctorate here? Dr. Damasca says girl … and that you’re the smartest country bumpkin he’s ever met.” And loved. That smart mouth, the razor sharp brain, had been one of those sharp tugs in the pit of his stomach before they’d even made it to Di Marco’s. The most incredible woman he’d ever come across. The one he was seeing new sides of now.
The need to sit up on the gurney, back in his own body, and hold her had his heart sore. He wanted to close his eyes and just turn, to hold her as he had done on the night he’d found the siren in the alleyway and this nightmare had started. Face pressed to the safety of the crook of her neck, fingers trailing her back, one hand curled protectively over the bump now slicked in gel. They were limited, so limited even now, not that he was going to question of the miracle that had happened.
Theo felt the tears trail down her cheeks, unsure if they were his or hers, just wanting badly to reach up and smooth them away.
A touch. Just a touch. Such a little favour to ask even after this.
He couldn’t though, just felt those sobs rolling through her as his own throat and face felt as though it burned with them. The line between them here and now so blurred. Him reaching for the tissues maybe, using them to wipe the tears away, but not in the way he’d wanted to, no real soothing there until the tech had set the pictures down and prepared to step out. Theo stayed quiet as Freyja thanked her, staring at the photos through those green eyes he’d stared into a thousand times with adoration. Fingertips on them, flicking through with Freyja’s laugh soft in his ears again. ”She’s gonna be perfect, even if it’s as big as mine,” he breathed. The best parts of the two of them, a reminder of him even if he slipped away, all of this running from his grasp like water through his fingers. He would be there in the baby.
Feeling the build of the sob again, that ache hard in the pit of his throat as Freyja sniffled through her words, her hands coming up to clap over her mouth. He shook his head slightly, trying to hold on here through those sobs as the damn broke free. ”No, baby, you don’t have to be sorry about any of it. She’s gonna have me. You both are. I swear to God that’s not gonna change.” Even when he couldn’t do this, he wouldn’t go. Freyja had been his sanity since he’d met her, his heart, his soul, his everything and that was going to give him his anchor to stay here. To hold on to what they still had. His fingers curled around the base of her bump, his thumb stroking slowly even as his heart broke for what they didn’t have.
Theo swallowed hard, wanting to find some reason why it had happened to make all of this easier. He shook his head instead, wanting to take her hand and squeeze, to hold her and not make himself a liar when he said it was all gonna be OK. Breathing deep, he pressed his hand against her bump instead. ”I don’t know. Baby, I wish I had all the answers. You’re not … you’re not complaining. I’ve questioned it so much and I can’t…” There was no reason that would make the cruelty of the world feel OK. His lips curled into a smile that felt ready to shatter. ”She,” he pressed. Sniffing, Theo nodded, peeling his hand away to pick up the top picture again. ”A dad who loves her and her mom more than anybody in the whole world.” Theo set it down, pressed his hand to the bump again, a solid touch.
There was a rattle at the door, not as much a knock as an entrance. Theo startled and in a heartbeat at feeling of being one was gone. In a heartbeat he was standing again, watching as a technician poked into the room. Not the same one as before. Embarrassment on this woman’s face as she held up a hand and backed out. ”I’m so sorry, I thought we were clear in here… take your time.” The spell had been shattered as she turned away though, Freyja already picking up her things. A look shared and Theo was trying to hustle out the door, arching away from her as the tech came too close to touching him. He saw the ripple shudder through the woman but he was already backing towards the desk where the new appointment would be made. ”I love you …”. The next time they could do this … if they could do this … he was going to say the words aloud again, as many times as he could … just in case that day came. It was no good now thinking it wouldn’t but he could prepare for it and do all he could to make sure they weren’t blind sided again.
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