safe place

Heading back to the station for the last hour of his shift or sloping off home after taking his last witness statement to work from the comfort of his couch? There really was no contest. Radioing in to the station, Chase headed home. If something came up they wouldn’t hesitate to drag him back. If Roxxi had been spending tonight at his apartment, or vice versa, he might just’ve dragged his heels on it if they did. Those nights had almost felt sanctified. Doors closed, the two of them alone in the world as they tried to create that future she’d told his parents about. The job was gonna have to stop coming third in his life once all that practice paid off.

For so long everything had revolved around it. If he could get Emiliano and his people off the streets, then maybe their grip would loosen on Mikey and he could finally break his brother out of the prison they’d had him trapped in even before the robbery had gone to shit. Put in the hours, pick up enough people and eventually he’d find the start of the loose thread he could hang them all with. Bit by bit he’d started to lose his own life to it. Falling to his knees, metaphorically and literally once he’d managed to hit a raw nerve with the Agnellis. Thinking he was crawling out of town like a coward to lick his wounds, discovering he was crawling towards something so much more instead. More than ever he had something to fight for and if Nemo was still swimming around here, trying to be a shark instead of the shrimp he’d always been, he was probably gonna have to sooner rather than later.

Trailing into the apartment without his little shadow at his heels, Chase dumped his coat and boots at the door. He could’ve spent his free afternoon putting his feet up, reading the latest issue of Ultimate Spider-Man, but the start of the conversation he’d instigated with his parents around the kitchen table had been tickling at the back of his brain since. Maybe some other poor son of a bitch had ended up in the Agnellis web just the same. A pattern would give him more leverage against them, a chance for him to get Mikey’s record expunged, to wipe the slate spotlessly clean with their parents the same way he had been trying to with the rest of his life.

The hour had slipped by almost in the blink of an eye as he’d dug into the boxes to try and track down the files. In the end the only ones he’d turned up had been the clippings he’d collected about Mikey’s case. His brother’s face staring out at him from the faded pages. Had Roxxi decided to move them? Had his ma stuffed them into her purse before they’d left to stop him from putting himself back into the same sort of trouble he’d been in before?

Scrubbing a hand through his hair, Chase settled in front of the TV after all. Switching on last night’s Saints game and working his way through half a bottle of beer. His brain had twitched back and forth between what he remembered of the files and those reminders of why sticking his hand in the hornet’s nest was a bad idea. He’d almost let go of it for now when he heard the apartment door open. Maybe Roxxi had decided to come over tonight anyway? Nah. His gaze ticked to the clock, the quiet sounds of a coat and shoes being shucked pinpointing it as Mikey instead.

”Hey,” Chase muttered. He lifted the bottle again, watching Mikey drop into the armchair like he had a fucking anvil tied around his neck as he took a swallow. Dark brows lifted in question, a smirk touched his lips like he could yank his chain about finally getting some after all those years of enforced celibacy. ”Congratulations.” The celebrations were apparently short lived though. Mikey had apparently high tailed it away from her like his ass was on fire instead of sticking around to make it we kissed instead of Mab kissed me.

Chase straightened up on the couch, propping his forearms on his thighs as he looked at his big brother. Being friends had always seemed like some sorta understatement on what was going on between the two of them. How many mixed-sex platonic adult friendships included sharing a bed? It’d felt like it was only a matter of time before some line was gonna be crossed, but he woulda put his money on Mikey breaking first. ”If the ex wasn’t in the picture, you’d have taken the risk?” he asked. Dragging his teeth over his lower lip, Chase studied his brother’s face. ”I’m not one to talk, you know how much drama there’s been with between Roxxi and me, but at the end of the day, I know I’m happier being with her any way I can be than I would be without her.” Maybe it’d taken him too long to realise that after the bombshell of Roxxi and … Mikey had hit, but he had in the end.

Working his teeth over his lip again, Chase wondered had deep the scars prison had left on his brother still were. Guilt had been worn out of there like an old suit for sure and he hated seeing it like an aura around his big brother. Mikey had sacrificed enough for him when they’d been kids and it hadn’t stopped since. ”Does she make you happy? You gonna be able to stay happy just being her friend?” He’d never been the sort of guy to hit a woman, in fact he’d rather break his own fucking hands than do it unless it was necessary on the job, but if the answer was no and she did end up hurting Mikey, he might have to make her pay for fucking with a good man.

Tagged: MIKEY BUCKLEY * Word Count: 1001

The first time he’d been allowed to visit his brother in jail, Chase had known that the brother he’d grown up idolising wasn’t there anymore. It wasn’t like some absolute stranger had taken Mikey’s place, but his brother had morphed somehow. Like Bruce Wayne had done with Batman, Mikey had created some sort of a persona to shield that softer side of himself. Trapped inside a prison full of guys Emiliano had practically handpicked, Mikey couldn’t afford to let that hidden side of himself out. He’d just hoped it would survive the years his brother had to do in there. As the years had passed, Chase had continued to look for that Mikey every time he’d visited – he knew probably more than anybody else what Mikey was likely having to do to survive in there, especially with a cop brother. When Mikey had shown up here, a free man finally, he’d done the same again. You didn’t get to just shrug off who you’d been for all those years like a coat that’d gotten too small, but, thank fuck, the brother he’d never stopped hero worshipping was still there.

Looking up as Mikey walked in, Chase could still see some of those marks prison had left on him, almost like the blue shadows of shitty tattoos that had. The old Mikey seemed to be there more and more though, the behaviour that was forced on him petering out. Maybe he would get to have the life he’d deserved all along – if that motherfucker Nemo would back the fuck off and leave him to it. He had a job now, in time (not too soon, he hoped) he’d have a place of his own, and his kids would have their uncle Mikey there every day of their lives. The Buckley brothers living the damn dream.

The romantic part of that dream was something he’d figured would come in time too. After all those years inside, normal, healthy relationships were something you had to work towards. Maybe some guys never managed it, but Chase’d figured that Mikey wouldn’t be one of them. His brother wanted everything he’d been denied all these years. Apparently he was on the brink of getting it with Mab, but now he’d hit a stumbling block. ”Fuck them,” Chase bit out, the familiar anger of what Mikey had already lost cause of them boiling up inside again. ”You spent enough years sufferin’ cause of them. You can’t spend your whole life losin’ out cause of that son of a bitch.” As though he hadn’t done the same. Nemo coming for him the way he had left him terrified that Roxxi was gonna get caught up in it all. She didn’t deserve to spend her life looking over her shoulder the same way he did.

”Then you’ve got a simple answer, man,” Chase told his brother. Denial was a fucking bitter way to live and they’d both lived it for long enough. You ended up with a hollow life, one that was all the less cause of it. Mikey had a chance for a full life, for happiness and hell, he’d give anything to see that his brother got to live it. All those years ago Mikey had stood up to protect him, taking all the hits for what had happened at the bodega. Not a kid anymore, Chase figured he was big and ugly enough to do the same for him.

Dark eyes continued to rove over his brother’s face, looking for flickers of expression in someone who’d spent so much time hiding it in case it was used against him. After a moment, Mikey opened his mouth about them, even if he hadn’t let it be written all over his face. ”That’s fuckin’ big,” Chase told him, a grin working its way back across his face. ”Don’t waste those feelings. You deserve to be happy and if she makes you feel that way, don’t walk away.” Opening yourself up was easier said than done though. How many gut shots had he taken after Roxxi and him had gotten together? Each one had taken him to struggle back from, but each time he’d asked himself the same questions. Am I happier with her in my life? Do I love her? The answers had always been hell yeah.

Chase didn’t know if love was involved for Mikey, but he could see his brother shielding his heart like it might’ve been. You couldn’t get your heart broken if you hadn’t opened it up to someone in the first place. ”Easier, but not necessarily better.” Draining the rest of his beer, Chase got to his feet to grab two more out of the kitchen. Back a moment later, he held one out to Mikey. ”You can try and keep yourself from fallin’, but trust me, denyin’ yourself somethin’ you want just makes you miserable in the end. What if she doesn’t break your heart and you lose out on what you could’ve had? You think you could live without being happy that way?” Maybe then his brother wouldn’t feel the pain of getting his heart torn out of his chest, but he also missed out on everything else that went along with it. Just ten minutes ago he’d been lamenting spending a single night without Roxxi, he couldn’t imagine a lifetime of it now.

Tagged: MIKEY BUCKLEY * Word Count: 893

It might have cost him his career, but Chase wished to God he been able to destroy the Agnellis. They’d suckered in a kid who hadn’t known better – and probably dozens of others – slowly dragging him into their chaos. When they’d screwed up and Georgie, the fucking idiot, had ended up dead, some bodega owner’s bullet in him, they’d made sure that kid had paid, even though it hadn’t been his fault. Emiliano had proved time and time that wasn’t enough, trying to drag him down into their filthy existence too. When was enough gonna be enough and he was gonna finally accept the fact that they’d paid a big enough price?

Once upon he might’ve tried bargaining with Nemo, but that time was long past. The scarecrow like guy who’d come for him on the streets wasn’t that skinny snot nosed little kid anymore. Hell, it had taken him far too long to even see the kid he’d known in that scarred face. Like Mikey, Nemo had been drawn into that evil and it had left its ugly mark on him. Chase could’ve promised his brother that he’d recognise Nemo fast enough to avoid him the next time, but Mab wouldn’t have known the same. She was on the outside of this the same way Roxxi was and he knew enough of the fear of it coming for her that he pinched his mouth shut as Mikey argued that it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t, but he still couldn’t stomach seeing Mikey push his chance at real happiness aside for them.

Chase dragged a hand over his face, his eyes dropping to the scars on his knuckles as his hand fell back to his lap. He would fight again and again, adding to his road map of scars until they covered every inch of him, to keep his brother safe. ”Then we protect her. We protect you.” He wanted to promise his big brother that he wouldn’t be standing alone this time and if it came to a fight to the death, he’d pull his badge, he’d fall back on a job that hadn’t done enough to protect those he cared about. ”I’m not gonna let them take you back. I promise you, man, it’s not gonna be like that again.” His voice was raw, but Chase knew that wasn’t a promise he could swear he’d always be able to keep. Emiliano had proved that he had a power over law enforcement that was almost unbeatable. He probably had people in every level: cops, lawyers, even in the damn prisons, all of them waiting to fuck the Buckley brothers over a little more.

The future was dark on the horizon, but Roxxi was proof that there was a light to all of it too. A silver lining that lit up his life. Maybe Mab was gonna do the same for Mikey. Chase shook his head at Mikey’s lacklustre response. ”It could be. You just need to take the leap.” It was easier said than done, but he knew that his brother had the balls to do it. As a teenager he could’ve run, instead he’d stayed, risking getting caught to try and save a man’s life. Mikey wasn’t a coward, he just needed to trust that not everything was gonna turn out the way it had then.

His smile brightened til it fucking hurt as one spread across Mikey’s face. He hadn’t given up all hope then. Mab had done for his brother what Roxxi had done for his. All those scarred parts of their hearts tearing wide open. ”You’re never gonna get me agreein’ to that. Walkin’ away might change the chance of breakin’ her heart but it’s sure as hell gonna trash yours.” He’d felt that when he’d walked away from Roxxi. It had taken weeks to patch himself back up and realise that no matter how much love hurt at times, he couldn’t bear to live without her.

Was he gonna have to knock Mikey upside the head with that bottle to knock some sense into him? Maybe. Chase sank back down on the couch with his, fingers tight around it as he studied Mikey’s face, watching for the shift in his expression that’d tell him he’d decided to take the leap. ”I know,” Chase puffed hoarsely. ”I’m sorry, man. I wish I could promise that it’s not gonna happen again, but I know I can’t.” Not until Emiliano was in the fucking ground. For so long he’d wished for it to happen, for every blow that had landed on either one of them to bounce back on that son of a bitch.

”None of that matters,” Chase said bluntly as more of Mikey’s fears came spilling out. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, trying to get through to his brother. ”You don’t think I was terrified of the same thing when I realised I was in love with Roxxi? I’m still scared, but every time I am, she’s there for me. You saw what happened when I thought she’d seen some of that bullshit that was said. I was tempted to run, to just cut it all out of me, but I was miserable when you were both gone. You trust her enough to give her a chance to forgive you if you do? You trust her enough to work through whatever comes together?” He was about to ask if Mikey loved her enough to do that. It was obvious his brother had feelings, but knowing it was love took time and added a whole other layer to things, one that could choke you with fear if you thought that darkness was coming.

Tagged: MIKEY BUCKLEY * Word Count: 950

On hearing which brother was the elder out of the two Buckleys, most probably would’ve been surprised. Usually it was the younger brother that was the wild one, the older brother the one to get settled down and have a family first. Maybe for the two of them it had been like that at one time, but the minute Mikey had gotten involved with the Agnellis all of that had changed. It was like Mikeu’s life had been paused the moment the cell door had slammed shut, only starting again once he walked out of those gates. Everything their parents had wanted for their sons had been twisted by it, four lives twisted the moment Mikey had made the decision to hang around with Goergie. If only that could be expunged the same way a teenager’s record could be, but there was no court that could do that. All they could do was try and move on from it, letting the scars that had been inflicted by it all slowly fade until even Mikey couldn’t see them anymore.

Chase slanted Mikey a smile, even though his throat ached with the thought of what might still be coming for his brother. If Mikey had been sitting beside him, he’d have clapped a hand on his shoulder, instead he nodded to him. ”Any time,” he promised. When the time came Mikey would probably still argue with him, trying to take the blame on his shoulders again, but the time for that sort of sacrifice had passed. As a cop he had certain protections, things he could accuse Nemo of to make sure that nobody looked at what happened too closely (it wouldn’t be the first time his conscience had ended up stained by stepping over a line). At the absolute worst maybe he’d spend a couple of years in a cell, but he'd rather do that than be visiting his brother in jail again.

Love could tear you apart, he knew that well enough, but it could also be the driving force behind everything you did. For the right woman you threw aside any thought for yourself. You took the leaps you didn’t think were possibly before. You put aside your safety, your wants, anything to make sure that they were safe. Watching his brother’s face, and that little tap against his head, Chase imagined that all of that was already swimming around in Mikey’s head. How much he’d willingly give up to protect Mab, even if it meant that he was in all the more danger for it happening. The only part of him he hadn’t entirely put on the line was his heart. What if he did all of that and things still went sour? Could he pick up the shattered pieces of his heart and go on or would that be it for him?

”That shit ain’t easy to turn off,” Chase agreed. He lifted his bottle, taking a mouthful as though it would wash away the memory of the thoughts that’d swum around and around in his head after he’d kicked both Roxxi and Mikey out. It’d taken days to be able to take a single breath without some mental image of what he’d thought was the ultimate betrayal springing up behind his eyes. Dragging his teeth and then his tongue over his lower lip, Chase nodded slowly. ”If she’s the right one, she’ll wait while you figure it out. It doesn’t all need to happen today. Go slow if you need to.” It wasn’t all bam, instant love, although that first meeting with Roxxi had gotten him pretty solidly on the hook she’d cast. After that they’d taken their time, slowly moving towards the future he wanted more than anything now. A woman who’d still be him when he was hunched and old, kids, a house that’d buzz with the sound of the rest of his family some weekends. Something like that for the two of them wasn’t too much to ask for.

The shrinks at the prison had been probably trying to encourage Mikey to speak for years, but even before his life had taken a nose dive, Mikey hadn’t been a chatty kid. He’d been the one doing enough talking for both of them. Now he was the one trying to talk Mikey out of the vicious circle that’d likely started up in his head the second Mab had made her move on him, the what ifs acting like a choke chain to hold him back from what he wanted to do. }”Sounds like she might stick around no matter what happens then,” Chase said sagely, gestured towards his brother with the beer bottle that still dangled from his fingers. He hadn’t gotten to know the woman who’d ghosted in and out of his apartment too well, but he knew his brother. ”You trust her with your life and your back. You trust her with your heart on top of that? That’s the big question, once you’ve figure that out, you’ll know what you wanna do.” He’d made that decision pretty early on with Roxxi and nothing that had happened since had changed his mind. If anything all the shit they’d had to go through had made him all the more certain that he wanted a life with her.

Tagged: MIKEY BUCKLEY * Word Count: 884