SAM WINCHESTER
Hunter
Special Child
Posts: 335
Played by:
Sarah
It doesn’t matter what you are. It only matters what you do. It’s your choice
Last seen Nov 20, 2024 6:59:52 GMT
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Post by SAM WINCHESTER on Mar 2, 2023 23:30:57 GMT
Sam Winchester:
 It had been a while since the younger Winchester had ensured he was out of the motel room when Dean would be in for an extended period. Sam knew more than anyone what he had been through and needed someone on his side, but another part of the human was sick and tired of his family watching him constantly. He understood it. He had done the same thing with his brother with the mark. Sam had to be someone others could count on. After all, he now had Jack to look out for. He understood what Dean went through looking after him growing up. His brother had become his only parental figure at the young age of four, yet he now understood his brother more than ever. Yes, Sam had to look out for his brother and father over the years, but only now did he know what it was like to have someone only dependent on him. He understood Dean's over-fixation on his safety but knew he had to let Jack become his person. The hunter didn't want to smother the Nephilim in love and care, as it felt suffocating. He wanted his son to be able to come to him if there was an issue, even if it upset his PTSD about Lucifer. He wanted to be there for his loved ones. Sam was trying to be there for his son and watching for Hell's ruler and pet dog to find him again. The younger Winchester knew that running away from family wasn't the way. He had learnt the hard way, or had he? He had been avoiding Dean, the constant side-eye was too much. Sam didn't know if it was in his head or whether it was real. It wouldn't be the first time he had seen things, but he had to figure it out independently, which increased his paranoia. When he first returned from being the Devil's meat suit, he had seen things; hell, he couldn't always tell what a memory was or if it was something Lucifer had used to torture him. The human would get flashes of a vision/memory, and he would have to find out if it were a memory or a nightmare. Because of that, Sam wasn't sure what Dean had said to him or whether it was from Lucifer inside his head. The Devil had made him see some horrendous things, had done horrific things when in his body, meaning Sam didn't know if what 'Dean' had said was the honest Dean. He didn't think he could hear it all again if it were true. Sam had agreed with all of what had been said, but when he heard it from his brother's mouth, it hit differently. Being called a freak or an abomination was not the same when you felt it or were told it by an angel. But when a family member says it with venom, it solidifies that it is true. The hunter had been trying to put the puzzle pieces together but ended up with what felt like twenty thousand puzzles jumbled up together. It was near impossible to figure out. He didn't even have any edge pieces. Sam hated that unless he opened up about what happened, it was impossible to know where his brother stood about him after everything he had done recently. But everyone knew that getting a Winchester to open up meant that the apocalypse might actually come to fruition finally. It was as likely as a rainbow unicorn flying off a rainbow; that was more likely. It wasn't as if they had a decent role model; they had been taught to push it down, and if that didn't work, kill something and drown it in a bottle. It was the hunter's manual that the Winchesters had perfected and gone above and beyond. They had been taught that opening up was pointless and futile. It had worked for years, but look where it got them. They pushed each other away or went their separate ways to solve their problems, which led to a bigger bad being released each time. Crowley had popped by the motel to tell him to get his head in the game and from there, he had gone on a hunt and been ambushed by rouge demons. He knew they were rouge when he drowned his sorrows, and Azazel sat beside him. He had opened up to Crowley, but now it was time to try and open up to Dean or at least go on a hunt and let out steam. It would probably be the latter. Sam had been pacing about the motel for minutes it began to feel like hours. The hunter heated up the pre-ordered food as soon as he heard the impalas engine. He went to the fridge and pulled out two beers, popping the tops off while waiting for his brother to enter. The lights were on so Dean would notice someone was or had been there. Tag: DEAN WINCHESTER Words: 850 Notes: Hope this is okay, we can turn it into a hunt or bonding if you like |
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DEAN WINCHESTER
Hunter
Posts: 44
Status:
Single
Played by:
Alex
Last seen Apr 9, 2024 1:31:30 GMT
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Post by DEAN WINCHESTER on Aug 24, 2023 23:04:05 GMT
![]()  ━ i’ll keep fighting ... till i got nothing left ━
THERE were many different layers to Dean, some of which have been shared with those he trusted most, others that he kept separate from everyone entirely. Some things he wanted to keep to himself. Sue em.’ Dean let out a soft grunt of annoyance as he reached for the beer in front of him. This case he was on was becoming more and more complicated by the moment and he was on his own. Sam was having enough issues on his own without having him pull him into a case, something Dean didn’t think he was ready for. Sam had to be able to take care of himself, without the constant reminder and guilt of what had happened when Lucifer was possession’ him. He only hoped that happened sooner rather than later. But Sam was a fighter, he'd been through so much shit in his life, more than the normal person should ever have to go through. But he knew his brother would get through it.
Sammy was strong enough.
Deciding that he had enough research for the night, Dean closed his laptop shut and packed up before heading back out towards the Impala. It probably wasn’t smart to be going at cases alone, but he’d made up his mind ever since Sam had returned, that he was not going to force him into jumping back into the life, he could tell his brother was a mess, so he was going to do whatever it took to get Sam back on his feet, to get him back to his old self… if that were even possible. Not to mention the fact that Sam had been avoiding him lately. He knew why, it didn't take a shrink to figure that one out. But he couldn't blame him either, but he did wish Sam would just talk to him instead of shutting him out completely.
He knew it was rough for his brother, Lucifer had done a number on him. Again. The weight of it all, the guilt, pain, mistakes — all of it bounced back into his mind, deeming him incapable of moving on from it, from how he’d failed Sam. That shame wouldn’t ever go away, but he would do his damndest to make sure he’d make it up to Sam. He'd do whatever it took to help his brother become whole again, whatever it took. However long it took. Dean was in it for the long haul and whether Sam wanted him around or not, he didn't care.
Starting up the Impala, Dean pulled out of the parking lot, and headed back towards the motel. He needed some time to relax, to think about what his next moves would be on the current case he was working. He didn't know if Sam would be at the motel or not, but he hoped so. Maybe the two would finally be able to talk. Pulling into the motel parking lot Dean saw Sam's car parked in front of their door, well, that was a relief. Putting the car into park Dean sighed heavily before grabbing his bag and headed inside to find Sammy standing by the fridge, beer in one hand and another sat on the table, cap popped off as if he'd been waitin' for him to show up. Or maybe he heard him show up and just assumed he'd want one - which was true.
"Hey," he said as he shut the door behind him, throwing his bag onto his bed before strolling across the room and snagging the beer off of the table, taking a long sip out of it before turning to his brother, pausing for a few moments before he opened his mouth to what was sure to be a heavy, but much needed conversation between the two. "So you've been avoidin' me lately." He mentioned bluntly. "Wanna tell me why or are you just gonna shut me out again?" No reason to hold back now and Dean wanted to confirm what he already knew, why Sam was avoiding him and try and talk things out. He didn't know how much longer he could go radio silence with Sam, so he only hoped his brother would actually open his trap and talk to him.
| SAM WINCHESTER | finally replied! sorry for the delay! and I'm good with either idea! could combine the two into a bonding hunting sess?
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SAM WINCHESTER
Hunter
Special Child
Posts: 335
Played by:
Sarah
It doesn’t matter what you are. It only matters what you do. It’s your choice
Last seen Nov 20, 2024 6:59:52 GMT
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Post by SAM WINCHESTER on Sept 14, 2023 22:50:19 GMT
Sam Winchester:
 The Winchesters had never had an easy life. Even before they were born, the world was against them. Sam never had a chance of being normal. He was infected by demon blood, to which his father despised him; he was never destined to be normal. He had tried so hard until he was in his early twenties to be normal, to find where he belonged, but now he still didn't know where that was. Yes, his brother was where he called 'home'; it was all he had known as his stability, but sometimes he felt he needed to find something additional to being a Winchester. Nobody knew what he had been through except Lucifer. He had also been cast aside by his father and hated for trying to be his person. Sam had tried to use his abilities for good, but every time he tried, it drove him further towards Hell. There had always been a darkness inside of him, and every time he wanted to squash it down, he just unwillingly opened the door further. The last time he tried to close the door for good, he had released Lucifer again, not for the first time but for a second. He had let the Devil out of his locked box by trying to be stronger and killing him once and for all. It may have been possible the first time he encountered Lucifer, but the darkness had taken a stronger hold this time. The younger Winchester had finally accepted that he had a darkness inside of him, that he always had, and that all he could do was stop it from growing more. He may have a darkness inside, but he also had a light. This was mainly linked to his family and their belief in him. If they believed, then he did, too. If they lost faith in him, then he did too. Over the years, he didn't know which path would lead to good or evil. However, he knew he would be if his family and loved ones believed he was on the track of righteousness. The second they lost faith, Sam also lost faith that what he was doing was righteous. The hunter may have told himself and others that what he was doing was for the greater good, even sometimes at his own expense, but he didn't always know if he was. The Winchesters were always co-dependant, but Sam had known no true love except from his brother. Ruby never loved him; he was a means to an end for her. Jess was fated by Azazel and Hell; his mother died trying to save him, and his father had never spent any time with him unless it was to do with hunting. All he had was Dean and Bobby while growing up. So, when they didn't believe in him, it took its toll on his belief in the situation. It was why he avoided them when he went off the rails or wasn't sure of himself. Whenever he made mistakes, he knew it could go two ways: either they would accept and help him or be like John and punish him. He didn't want to be punished when no one could punish or hate himself more than he did to himself. Sometimes, it was easier to live in denial than to face the possibility of the hurtful truth. He would rather live in denial that Dean was okay with it all and was by his side than the painful truth that, in the past, Dean, Cas, or Bobby were not there for him. He knew sometimes he was in the wrong, and he should have listened, but when he was left alone and in denial, it never ended well for any of them. The hunter knew that before the rift between the Winchester Brothers could start to mend, they both needed to admit they were wrong and feel they were right. The human knew that he would need alcohol for this meeting, and if he did, then his brother would need twice as much. Ever since freed himself from Lucifer, he couldn't tell anyone exactly what happened. How could he? How could he admit that everything that happened happened because of him? If he had been strong enough to finish the job, he and Lucifer wouldn't be here to endanger the world today. There was no way he could forgive himself, so, therefore, he couldn't accept anyone else forgiveness. He didn't deserve it, not after what he had done and what he had enabled The Devil to do. Oh, there it was. He missed that oh-so-familiar sound of home. The Impala. Which meant Dean would be close behind. Was he ready for the conversation? Who would be? He never would be. He ensured he had his back to the door when Dean walked in—making it an excuse to be at the microwave. It had been weeks and months since he had spoken more than a sentence to his brother. He didn't know where even to start. He was relieved when Dean asked the question. It gave him a place to start. "Hey." He took a large sip of beer before placing the two plates on the table. "I would say 'not intentionally,' but we both know that's a lie." He took another sip before sitting down. "Quick answer: I'm a coward." He shrugged before digging into the food. It wasn't what he would usually pick, but it was easy, and it meant he didn't have to talk or be around in a big queue to wait for two lots of food. "I never shut you out. I just needed to figure out what was real and what wasn't. I just needed space." He kept his eyes on his meal as he intentionally distracted himself from eye contact. He didn't want to see his brother's reaction. "I needed to figure out if this was real or if he was still... you know." He took another mouthful, hoping he would not have to reply immediately. He had Lucifer in his head for so long that he never had a second to himself for years. It was like living like a symbiote. They would pop up in your head whenever you thought you were alone or warp reality. To be free was a relief but also incredibly lonely. There had been somewhere there for years. To have any time with silence was a relief but also unsettling; he would wait for Lucifer to jump up. "Sike, you don't think I would leave you alone, Sammy?" Someone had always been watching his every move, whether in reality or in his head. For his brother to then be doing it was unnerving. At first, it just replaced Lucifer's eyes on him, but when nobody was there, it felt empty. Sam had to figure out how to be on his own again, and it had been daunting for his actions to be only his and for nobody to prod him when he made any action. Now, the feeling of someone constantly watching over his shoulder had gone; it still felt as if Lucifer or Azazel were following him, or was this just his mind playing tricks on him? Sam was still struggling with what was reality and what was Lucifer's influence. The younger Winchester knew that Dean helped him through his last mental breakdown and could do it again if he could convince himself that this was Dean. |
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DEAN WINCHESTER
Hunter
Posts: 44
Status:
Single
Played by:
Alex
Last seen Apr 9, 2024 1:31:30 GMT
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Post by DEAN WINCHESTER on Jan 12, 2024 18:57:03 GMT
![]() ━ i’ll keep fighting ... till i got nothing left ━
DEAN knew this conversation wouldn’t be easy, but it was needed. He was at his wits end with his brother barely talking to him. The most he got out of Sam in months was a sentence here and there. It was like pulling teeth trying to get his brother to talk to him and he was fed up with it. So he made the decision at The Grill that when he saw Sam next he was gonna confront him. Sure as shit and his brother was home and honestly seemed ready to talk finally. When he opened the door to the motel room Sam’s back was turned to him. It had been months of nothing. Nothing but one line sentences and mumbles. But he was done. He wasn’t going to accept that from his brother anymore. It was time Sam started talkin.’
‘Hey. I would say 'not intentionally,'but we both know that's a lie.’ Dean’s eyes watched as his brother took a large sip out of his beer before he placed two plates onto the table and eventually sat down. He was hoping this wouldn’t end up like every other damn conversation the two have had the past couple of months, but he wasn't exactly too terribly optimistic either. And yet, he held onto hope that this time would be different. Hell, he’d make sure it was different. He was tired of the silence.
‘Quick answer: I'm a coward.’ At that Dean sighed as he sat down across from his brother, grabbing one of the beers that was sitting on the table and cracking it open and taking a swig out of it. “Sam, you know you can come to be about anything. There wasn’t any reason for the silence from you, especially not towards me.” He said bluntly as he sipped on the beer, clutching it to his chest like his life depending on it. ‘I never shut you out. I just needed to figure out what was real and what wasn't. I just needed space.’ In between bites Sam spoke, explaining how he never shut him out, to which he scoffed at that statement, because he sure as hell did shut him out. But he let Sam speak, listening as his brother told him that he just needed to figure out what was real and what wasn’t and for that to happen he needed space.
Dean remained quiet as he processed this, because he remembered what happened to Sam last time Lucifer took him for a ride. When he came back he was a shell of his usual self. It was rough to say the least to watch his brother suffer so badly. This time around was no different. But Sam still had his soul. “This,” he said motioning his hands around, “... is real. You’re here, Lucifer isn’t.” He said, but he knew those words were loaded, because it wasn't as if Lucifer was gone for good. He was still out there doing god knows what. It was only a matter of time before he showed his face again, hopefully that would never happen, but knowing Lucifer… he was just biding his time.
The food that Sam had gotten him remained uneaten, which was very uncharacteristic of him. But he was worried about his brother and the last thing he wanted was for him to shut down again. He knew the toll this was taking on Sam, knew the effect Lucifer had on him. The devil would always be on the back burner in Sam’s mind, always making him second guess himself. Sam struggling with reality wasn’t new, it happened before when he returned back to the land of the living after sending Lucifer and himself to the cage the first time. But Dean was determined to help Sam through this, whatever it took.
“Listen Sammy. I know it ain’t gonna be easy, but we can work on this together. Get you back on your feet, back to your usual self.” Dean didn’t know how many times he had to have this conversation. How many times he’s had to repeat himself over and over again. It was exhausting, yes. But he wanted nothing more than to have his brother back. If he were being honest with himself, he wanted to be able to trust Sam again. “Man, you need to talk to me. Plain and simple. I cannot and will not do the silent treatment anymore from you.” And he was being dead serious. Dean wouldn’t put up with this kinda behavior from Sam anymore, for both their sakes. With things ramping up in Mystic Falls again, he needed his brother back in action.
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SAM WINCHESTER
Hunter
Special Child
Posts: 335
Played by:
Sarah
It doesn’t matter what you are. It only matters what you do. It’s your choice
Last seen Nov 20, 2024 6:59:52 GMT
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Post by SAM WINCHESTER on Apr 7, 2024 20:17:46 GMT
Sam Winchester:
Sam knew the consequences of not talking to his brother but he wasn't sure if Dean was ready for what he was about to say. The older Winchester may think he was or that he knew what would be said and exactly how to fix it but it wasn't that easy. Lucifer hadn't just been in Sam for weeks like last time, it wasn't like his soul had been tortured for decades this time. Instead of torture to his soul, this time it was torture to his mind, psyche and memory. The hunter didn't know what memories were real, not for just the last five years, but for his whole life. Not only had the Devil been scrambling his brains but he had two sets of memories of his son growing up as well. The hunter had all of the memories Lucifer had twisted but also those from after Sam had been free. He didn't know if someone else had messed with his brain or if Lucifer was just walking in and out when he felt like it. It was either that or he had never left... The younger Winchester wondered why Lucifer hadn't come knocking since he had got away. Surely Lucifer would want to bring him in or rip him limb from limb for expelling him? And yet Sam hadn't seen even one ounce of Lucifer since the day he crawled from Hell. Was he laying low watching everything he was doing or was this some elaborate scheme to make the human think he was free to rip the wool off of his eyes? How could Sam express this to anyone? Even Jack being born was a miracle, how could he even be sure that wasn't some story made up to distract him from looking for the truth? Every time Sam thought he was free Dean would always say the same thing 'I'm real' 'This is real' 'You need to trust me' 'Lucifer is gone' 'None of that was real'. Every time Sam would detect something off. Every time it got harder to tell as the longer Lucifer possessed him the more he went through his memories and fine-tuned the acting to get it just right. Sam had grown tired of fighting it at one point and just enjoyed the 'normal' life. When Lucifer noticed this he used other methods of torture. That was when Lucifer would find innocents and make Sam watch as his hands did unspeakable, unforgivable things, keeping his present to watch it all unfold. It had isolated the hunter into thinking he couldn't trust anyone or anything. Over the time of being alone, he was able to watch and notice that Lucifer's flare wasn't on situations, bad things were just happening because they did. Accidents were just happening. It had taken Sam a very long time to believe this was real. The visit from Azazel had solidified the belief but it was still fragile and a fledgling idea. One thing could topple the foundations he had begun to put in place to see this as reality. Sam didn't believe he deserved to escape and that was one thing that held him back a long time. As soon as he started to believe in himself a little, he realised that he had done the impossible and expelled Lucifer. "I know that Dean." Another sip was washing down the food. "I didn't know where to start, even with you, after what I've done." Sam shrugged. His brother didn't come to him straight after he came out of Hell, surely he understood it wasn't that easy to just come out with it. Children had been murdered, yes there was a deal to resurrect them but that doesn't excuse what he had done. Sam heard the scoff but didn't say anything he just shook his head. "I didn't know that Dean. You have no idea how many times I have done this. No idea how many times I had to figure out if I was in the real world or my head."Sam noticed the food was uneaten but waited, hoping that Dean would settle down and relax a little. He understood where his brother was coming from but what was usual for Sam now? It was Sam's turn to sigh. He didn't want to be silent but also didn't know how to break it. "Ask anything you like. I will answer honestly, Dean, I never like the silent treatment. I'm ready to be honest with you."
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hope to see you in the discord! 
