three

Whispers still followed him. Not the voices in his head, although those swirling murmurs had been quieter in the weeks that he’d been back than at any time before. His heart still pounding when there seemed to be a volume burst in the static that filled his ears but each time it had faded back, almost as though it had just been a log popping in that supernatural fire. Each time they faded out to those other whispers. Student and staff faces turned his way and then away fast on campus. Still just whispers though, easy to push back as he had returned to work. With the clock counting down to the baby arriving Theo knew his days of teaching were numbered for a bit anyway.

If it wasn’t Frank hovering at the office or classroom door when he finished up for a day then it had been Freyja, the two of them playing tag team – in case. Still, where he could he avoided campus as much as possible. Classes taught the last couple of weeks but office hours spent at the laptop screen on Zoom calls with students took the place of those face to face meetings in the office Nixon seemed to have been spending more time in on those rare days he lingered there. His eyes, like Theo’s own, on the woman and her beach ball sized bump curled onto the battered couch that had been nudged closer to his desk. Waiting for that moment of explosion.

The last couple of days had been spent on edge, his classes covered again with the promise that he wasn’t about to go on another ‘sabbatical’. Random calls at all times of the day were proof that Nixon still clutched his suspicions around him like an old woman with a shawl but Theo didn’t care. The baby was nearly here and as he’d crawled into bed last night, bellying up to the cushions built up like a fort around Freyja at the baby and what he could reach of his fiancée he was wracked with that weird mix of bone deep gratitude and nerves.

Was tonight the night? God, between the two of them and the way fate seemed to toss them from hand to hand he wouldn’t put it past their kid to show up at the most inconvenient time. Every night for more than a week his hearing had strained at the air as he’d settled down close, his hearing aids almost reluctantly plucked free and set down on the nightstand. Theo heard that white noise that was all he’d known for the first couple of years of his life drift in as he drifted off, one hand on the bump, his chest to the curve of Freyja’s back to feel that reassuring slow thud of her heart.

Months trapped on the other side, unable to hold her as she fell asleep, unable to feel Freyja shift against him in the night. It had been torture, the pain increasing with each day before it exploded in that clearing. The reaper had known what it would be like, dropping warnings before Frank had shown up to scream out his loss for all the town to hear. Some small part of him had wondered if it would’ve been less cruel for him to be gone entirely, taken off in one direction or another, but in that moment just as Cory had brought him back, Theo had realised he didn’t regret a moment of it. He’d been able to see Freyja’s bump growing, had been able to help hold together those shattered parts of their lives before he was back here to seal that whole together again with the ring he’d slipped onto her finger right here in this room.

In his dreams he gripped her hands, fingers knotted tight enough for him to feel that gold band bite against his skin. The bump lurched beneath his touch then, before something shoved at him and he was trading that feeling of seasickness for a lurch.

Theo frowned, burying his face into the pillow. Pat, pat, shove. Another grumble, an attempt to curl back in to the disturbed land around him. ”Too early … go back to sleep.” Words inaudible to his own ears mumbled in reassurance.

What had been there scattered, unfamiliar territory under him as he turned onto his stomach, sliding a knee in, knocking something soft aside to exchange the warmth for damp. He muttered something into the pillow before he was planting a hand to push himself up. Still dark but what light did make it around the drapes lit up unfamiliar territory.

Hazel eyes squinted at Freyja as he pushed himself upright, trying to take in the sweatpants that hadn’t been there when they’d gone to sleep, the visible twist of her face as she sucked in air. The restless shift. The … holy shit. ”The baby? The baby’s coming? Why didn’t you wake me up? Baby….” The last word emerged on a breathless rush of sound. Planting a hand at Freyja’s hip, Theo tried to scramble over her. ”Sorry, sorry.” His other hand making that automatic motion as he scrabbled for his hearing aids in the dark. That hand sought out Freyja’s bump as soon as he was edging back, the world suddenly coming back into focus with that audible rush of sound that was still shocking over all these years. ”The bed was wet … did you? How long has it been?” Amazement turning the shock into something frantic as he shifted the towel back and cursed. Longer than it should’ve been, obviously. His beautiful, stubborn, incredible fiancée pushing the time limit as far as humanly possible.

Tagged: FREYJA DAMASCA * Word Count: 952

Groggily he’d come to. That cotton wool thick layer of silence that wrapped around him the moment his hearing aids came out at night shredding at the edges. He hadn’t heard the commotion that had obviously been going on while he’d been comatose. The toing and froing from the bed, the whimpers that must’ve come – they sure as hell had in the birthing videos that had left him wincing during his rewatch, his original trip through them in med school long enough ago that the car crash like fixation on what was going on during the birth had passed. You weren’t meant to get nauseous when it was your own kid emerged. Theo had anticipated the clutch of Freyja’s hand, bordering on breaking bones, the slew of curses that was gonna come his way when those contractions gripped their hardest. He hadn’t anticipated sleeping through the first few hours of it.

Hazel eyes still heavy with sleep the shoves had finally pulled him out of it, the wet spot that cold counterpoint to start shaking it off. His fingers shook as he got the tiny devices that connected him to the world hooked up. This hadn’t been a part of the plan they’d gone through a dozen times in the last couple of weeks, every twinge that had hit in that time leaving him thinking this was the time. The best laid plans of mice and fathers to be.

Sinking back down on one elbow, a hand extending to rub lightly below hers on her bump, Theo stared at her. Two hours since she’d woken up and she’d let him sleep. Two hours. They could’ve been at the hospital by now, Christ, if the baby had been in a hurry he could’ve been waking up to those few mewling squawks of protest at having been ejected from what had been home for nine months. ”Two hours? Wait, you weren’t trying to wake me up for two hours were you?” No. No. That towel that had gone down spoke of trying to stay comfortable while she waited for the contractions to get close enough that him rushing her to the hospital in impending fatherhood panic wouldn’t get them sent home.

Plans switched up on the hop while he’d slept like a baby himself.

”Now it’s now?” he asked, that thin thread of humour in a voice that tried to squeak from a throat already feeling too thick and they hadn’t even left the apartment yet. Sheets clinging he scrambled from the bed, padding away from the grumbling rousing behind him. Grim right there at his mistress’ side, cooing comfort aimed at him as Theo grabbed the bag. A frown cutting deep as he unzipped to take one last glance through it like the last dozen had changed anything.

Big brother. He was here, doing this himself, giving the dog’s side one quick scratch as he followed Freyja with the rapid steps of a man who knew the world was about to explode. If it hadn’t been for Cory it would’ve been Frank doing this. Maybe being woken in the middle of the night with that call, it’s time. The baby’s coming. His own part in it that silent watch as the baby looked up into Frank’s face instead of his own.

Only. God, if he didn’t adore her so much and if she wasn’t about to bring their baby into the world, he would’ve throttled her. Now it was a scramble, back into the bedroom to exchange pyjama pants for jeans, feet shoved into battered Nikes. ”They would’ve had to drag me out of there, I would’ve been holding onto the door by my nails. It’s not too early, these things can come on faster. This baby’s not being born in the car on the side of the road.” At least if she decided to push the time line up it would be a dad with some medical experience guiding the baby into the world with hands that were probably going to shake enough that dropping her would be a real worry.

A nervous grin, a shake of his head as Theo scrambled out of the bedroom. He would’ve smacked a kiss on her with a growled thank you but the orders weren’t done yet. That mental list he’d started to check off scrambled up. Bag. He had the bag, had the keys with that order, snatching them up off the table by the door to cram them in his pocket. ”Frank,” he shot over his shoulder as he headed for the kitchen. The bag set down on the counter to splash water into Grim’s bowl – and all over the counter but that was gonna dry on its own, so screw it – food scattering on the floor as he rushed to get that into the bowl too. ”He’ll come over, make sure Grim gets walked. Did you call the hospital? Say we were probably on our way soon?” Probably not.

Theo went to rush out, turned back to grab the bag and then scramble. Freyja had been the one steering this ship while he’d been out of it. Not anymore though. He inched past her and that straining bulk, opening up the door. Thank God they’d been staying at her apartment, the elevator a blessing he could’ve fallen to his knees for. ”You gonna be able to walk down to the car? I mean…” His lips curled, the little light he could bring to the nerves that were trying to leave him gasping as much as she was gonna be in his eyes and voice as he glanced down at her bump. Months ago he’d carried her into the apartment, since then there’d been a blooming, one that wanted to bring tears to his eyes now. She’d probably have thumped him for it, but she’d never been more beautiful.

Tagged: FREYJA DAMASCA * Word Count: 978

Theo tilted his head, hazel eyes narrowing faintly as he shot her a look right now. She knew what he’d meant, the sliver of sarcasm to the question. Freyja had known what she was doing letting him sleep – that likely combination of lingering concern after he’d been taken from her for months, like he’d somehow fall apart in the midst of all of this after being brought back whole, and that bone deep knowledge of him and his likelihood of all out panic. This had warded it off, for now at least.

Partially.

He was still scrambling as she waddled to her shoes. Not falling down to his knees to help her into them, like she was a China doll about to shatter with the pressure of the life within. Undoubtedly if he had he would’ve got one of those sandals to the head. Through all of this Freyja had proved she was anything but, remaining the strength that held him together even beyond the grave. The list ticked off one at a time, Theo swept the apartment with his eyes as he stumbled back out to the living room. ”Uh huh,” he muttered, doubt ringing in the sound. ”It’s our kid, you honestly think she’s gonna try and stick to any sort of schedule the books say she should?” Given the way this pregnancy had strung out there was still a chance he could be delivering his own kid right there on the welcome mat with Grim as his second set of hands.

Still, as he reached her side, and their eyes met there was that ping of reassurance. No matter how tangled the path was that they’re taken it together, they’d had each other to hold them up when the going got tough … or when balance became a weeble like thing.

Theo grunted, his hand slipping to the globe of her bump for the moment, knowing that in minutes it would draw up tight again, trying to ease out that tiny, squirming miracle. ”Preparation,” he murmured, affection in his words as his palm spread. ”And, of course, that whole miracle birth thing. Shoulder of the road, tub, manger, naw.” Not their little girl, not after all of this. He smiled down at her though, soft, that threaten of tears building like rain on the horizon leaving his eyes a little misty. They were gonna get there – even if he had to break every speed limit in town.

Getting down to the car itself was the first task. Maybe they should’ve kicked Frank and Kit out of the house, stayed there while they were marking those last few days off. Just a few steps out straight to the car, maybe a little longer drive to the hospital though. Pros and cons that hadn’t outweighed the desire for home for this. ”I figured since you didn’t quite make it to Jupiter size I could probably pull it off.” Theo hummed, giving her bump a study. There was so much more in that look though, the thankfulness that shot through him lightning bolt hard. No matter what they’d gone through he wouldn’t have turned the clock back to try and wipe the slate clean. This was so much more than he ever could’ve imagined he’d have.

There was that pressure in his sinuses, the oncoming wave checked with that faintly watery smile as he steadied Freyja with her precarious ride to her toes. He bent his head, pressing his lips soft to hers. Resting his brow on hers for just a heartbeat. ”Lil’ Freyja’s impatient enough that you still might. I figure she’s gonna take after her momma. Fierce but always moving a million miles an hour.” Except for now. Even with his support, the bag bumping slow into his other side, it was a shuffle to the elevator.

Seconds ticked off in his head on the descent. Eyes ticking between the flickering light of passing floors through the crack in the days and the woman at his side. Close. Had to be given how long they’d taken to get out of the apartment. Maybe he should’ve run the distance to the car, driven it up – screw the help the walk might offer for now – but hallway there the thought was tossed out. The string of curses pulled him to a stop. The bag hitting the ground with a thud as he was twisting in Freyja’s grip, half bending, trying to support her through it. ”Breathe baby,” he coached softly. ”In, 2, 3, out, 2, 3…” Trying to get his own breathing to settle to it while his heart made a game leap from his throat. His chest heaving, only settling for him to laugh when the contraction started to ease and the grip that had threatened to squish his bicep to pulp loosened. ”Later than it should be,” he crabbed.

He let his other hand drop though, fumbling his phone from his pocket to check. This was important, knowing down to the second how close everything was. ”One thirty six … seven … Closer?” His eyes ticked up to hers, that breathlessness remaining. They had to be. She’d said six forty five when she’d woken him. Oh boy. Theo sucked in a breath, managing a nervy grin as he scooped the bag, started towards the car again, steps slow. Soon as they were in he was running the thing out of there. Fingers fumbled keys from his pockets, her door opened first to ease that precious burden in. Long legs racing to the other side, popping his door to scramble in. ”No pushing on the way, OK?” That joke about having their daughter on the side of the road still raw enough to have a slight shake in his hands as he started the car up and jetted it out of the lot.

Tagged: FREYJA DAMASCA * Word Count: 974

It was a miracle of something alright. As the third wheel at those early birthing classes all he’d been able to do was watch his brother trying to fumble his way through those classes. Frank’s hands cradling Freyja, ready to be the ones she turned to pulp during the birth. Sad hazel eyes fixed to Freyja’s, desperate to be able to tear across that gulf between them. Heart squeezing painfully in his chest, each day he hadn’t been here carrying them closer to that moment when his daughter would shriek her way into the world. It didn’t matter that the face would’ve been the same, the tragedy had happened out in those woods and there was no way back from that … without Cory. The reaper had dragged him back across that gulf, giving them what he and Freyja had been desperate for. Their miracle, their daughter’s miracle.

Theo felt himself start to well up with that relief and gratitude, the smile he shot Freyja as she grunted and bitched at him through the clawed grip of the contraction. His chest rose and fall, every twitch of muscle exaggerated like somehow he could will the ease into her own. ”I don’t think it’s meant to turn that way til she’s here. Til then it’s all this.” And God he wanted to hear every word of it out of her, every sound, every squeal and shriek and threat translated for his brain through those small electronic devices he’d have been lost without. ”By the time we have the tenth you’re gonna be a champ at this. You’re already doing so well, baby.” A promise underscored by that soul deep belief he’d had in her from that first dinner together. The bed rock to his life, now propped against him, relying on him to get the three of them to the hospital, to help get them through this.

How he’d do that with his heart racing in his chest and the water works ready to pour with the right twist to his emotions. They were okay, no clutch of hands, no sudden urge to push right here. Alright, they were moving. A glance at his watch again as they got moving. Marking the time, those little lines around the face now marking their baby’s progress. Easing her into the car, Theo allowed himself that moment of ragged breathing as he loped around the car. Those months of heartache on the other side as he watched all of this go on without him, the months back ticking down closer to B-day. Time spinning faster, like if he wasn’t aware of every second of it he’d be thrown again, caught unawares in a way that might tear them apart again. His heart was at a gallop at the base of his throat as he started the engine, nerves tugging at his grin. ”Yet.” he emphasised. ”Just hold on little one, let us get to the right place for this.” The safe one, with trained stuff and things.

A hospital room, clean sheets, an epidural, the gas and air he might need before they were done. The two of them, the most important part. Parents that were gonna adore their kid, no matter who they were, never counting the blessings they’d been given, love tying them together through more than most had ever gone through. If the birth end up screwed after that … ”Don’t,” Theo warned, a hand peeled off the wheel to aim a finger at her. Fitting but not happening if he had his way.

If he hadn’t slapped the hand back on the wheel, not willing to take chances tonight, he would’ve gripped hers, pressed his own smile to that gold band on her finger. The promise of what they would have together. ”Yet. When we are, she’s gonna be there with us. Cheering her parents on.” Not the order he’d ever planned it but not a moment he’d change.

Their path had been their own from the start, no amount of teasing and heartache knocking them too far off that line. The next curve was almost always blind, things that had cut them deep waiting on the other side, but they had to have earned themselves some smooth riding now, right? There’d been enough pot holes, enough bumps on that road to earn the easy. A frown creased Theo’s brow for a moment before Freyja began to sniffle at him. ”I take equal blame in this…” he quipped softly. There had been two of them in that hay loft, losing themselves in one another with Christmas still wrapped around them. Love too, in those little gifts, the brush of hands … more. He peeled his hand off the wheel then, just a skim of knuckles against her cheek as she settled a hand on his thigh. ”It was only ever gonna be you. I love you too, I never would’ve stopped, you and the baby. You’re everything.” He snorted himself, the road ahead blurring for a moment with the welling of those tears.

By the time they reached the hospital they’d evaporated again. The bustle of being admitted, the distraction of getting Freyja through another two contractions. Theo perched on the edge of the bed, the urge to cluck and fuss, to rub away the ebbing and waning pain from her back, held back with the clutch of his hands in his lap. That grin tugging at his lips. Oh he wasn’t about to leap up, a couple of hours maybe and his fingers were gonna be wrenched from his hands as it was. ”What a way to talk about our daughter,” he crooned. ”It’s meant to be beautiful, you know? Birds singing, angels playing harps, celebrations on a cosmic scale.” Not them. Not Freyja. This was gonna be fierce, an emotional roundabout, swinging from one extreme to the next.

Apology creased itself through Theo’s wince. He already had a hand up to the nurse as Freyja’s gaze snapped onto the woman, a predator’s fix, a heat rising in her eyes, her voice. No amount of ‘honey’ was gonna end this civilly. He was pushing to his feet, tilting his head in return to the nurse’s nod. Easing up close, he settled a hand on the sway of Freyja’s back, massaging gently the way they’d been shown at the classes, a light press of fingers in all that tension. ”They make it too easy and everybody’s gonna want fifty little rug rats, they still might once they see this one, as pretty as her mom and hopefully just as…” Poetic. The word cut off in his throat as the next contraction struck.

Tick, tick. Closer now. His own heart an ever accelerating rhythm in his chest, fluttering as he gripped her hand hard. The other settling on her back, that slow circle. ”No answers now. No time. I think we’re there. Huh? We’re gonna do this honey. They’re gonna get this eased up and then before you know it, she’s gonna be here.” Big green eyes, that fine dusting of blonde hair, leaving her dad devastating the hospital’s supply of Kleenex. Leaning in, he pressed a kiss to her sweaty cheek. The arms on that watch were spinning away.

A holler at the door, the understanding look from the nurse as she gestured up the hall to the anaesthesiologist. Hovering. Waiting. Knowing. They had that schedule mapped up too, their clock maybe ticking to a slightly different beat but no less accurate. Speeding up as the epidural settled in and then they were there. At the side of the bed Theo gripped Freyja’s hand tight taking every ounce of pain she could squeeze out of herself and into him. ”Now baby,” he whispered as the hands hit that peak and the nurse urged them to brace. ”Let’s see our little girl.” Steeling himself for that last curve at breakneck speed. To meet their daughter finally.

Push, push, push ….

Tagged: FREYJA DAMASCA * Word Count: 1329