FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
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Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on Feb 10, 2021 13:11:38 GMT
 ━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
At first, she hadn’t worried so much. She’d texted him about a dozen times throughout that Monday, excited and nervous for reasons she promised herself she wouldn’t tell him just yet. She’d called her mom first, after her appointment, and then decided she’d spring the news on Theo during their Valentine’s Getaway━it was the perfect time and place for it.
He’d been answering until it got late, and while she’d hoped she could hear his voice that night before she went to bed, she’d just assumed he’d gotten busy with work. So she wished him well for his meeting in a goodnight text and went to bed, expecting to see a reply in the morning.
But she didn’t.
Freyja had been oversensitive lately, she knew that, but she’d spent most of Tuesday sulking at her desk and on the verge of tears while she listened to the romantic tapes he’d made for her. He’d done all this; it meant he loved her, didn’t it? She had thought so.
She’d only been worried until she was talking to her coworker at lunch. Freyja was picking at the salad she’d made for herself, forking around the pieces of lettuce and chicken as if she planned on eating them while her fingertips traced his heartbeat around her neck. She’d made up with the rest of the office by then, bringing in coffee and donuts for the whole staff, bribing them with treats until they forgave her. Bethany was probably her closest friend in the office; it was true that the ones at the bottom ended up doing most of the grunt jobs, and Freyja admired her work ethic. So, when Bethany had asked her what was wrong, Freyja spilled. She started with “He’s probably just busy, and I’m overreacting, but…”
Gabe’s assistant, however, told her that she hadn’t been. Sometimes men did this (“But Theo━” ‘Yes, even guys as nice as Theo.’), they love-bombed you and then disappeared. It was called ghosting, Bethany said. ‘It happened to my friend once…’ And she told Freyja all about how her friend had been dating a guy for six months who she thought was ‘the one’━he proposed to her early on, was so excited about all of it, and then he vanished. After a few days, he broke up with her via text. ‘Sorry, I can’t do this. It’s moving too fast.’ And that was it. They were done.
After lunch, Freyja started spiralling. She denied it at first━that couldn’t have been them, they’d only been together since July, and they hadn’t moved that fast. Five months wasn’t too fast to say ‘I love you,’ and seven months wasn’t too fast for a weekend vacation━was it? Was he scared about Valentine’s Day and what that would’ve meant for them? It was just a heated pool in some snowy part of Italy and endless massages… was that too much commitment? Apparently, she knew nothing about the way men acted. Maybe it was. Maybe she’d done too much, pushed too far, and had scared him off.
She spent the whole night crying. She couldn’t believe it. She’d scared off the best thing that had ever happened to her, the man she loved━the one Freyja thought she’d marry. About twenty texts had been sent throughout the day, and more voicemails of her sobbing than she would’ve liked to admit. Embarrassment twisted in her stomach while she laid in bed, Grim pressed up against her, trying to soothe her with his nuzzling. The horrible feeling was accompanied by guilt, because she was sure it’d been her actions that had caused this. The weight of them laid heavily on her, as if it were the least comfortable blanket━one that made her unable to fall asleep. Stuck in a loop of every moment they’d spent together, rethinking each action, and cringing at the times she’d said something wrong━something that had maybe been too harsh or packed with too much feeling━something that had scared him off.
Somehow, Freyja had fallen asleep. The alarm woke her in the morning, and she frantically reached for her phone on the nightstand. Her quick movements weren’t to silence it, though. Eyes narrowed at the screen, attempting to see it clearly through her sleep-hazy vision.
She’d been hoping for a text from him. Just one━something explaining his absence; that he’d lost his phone or had so much work that he hadn’t been able to check it. Even a shitty excuse would’ve been communication, but there was nothing. Not even a breakup text. He even didn’t care enough to give her that.
“If you didn’t want to go on the trip you could’ve said so.”
Freyja had deleted it and re-typed it three times before sending it. ‘Our’ trip was changed━too formal, too much commitment. Green eyes shifted to the suitcase that sat by her closet, the one she’d pre-packed on Monday after work out of excitement. She’d call the travel agency on her lunch━or maybe she’d take Bethany instead, make it a girls’ trip so she could do more than cry and stuff her face the whole weekend.
She threw up afterwards, a regular occurrence now━something that seemed so peculiar before, but was so obvious now. Most days, if she wasn’t tipped over the edge by somebody’s stinky lunch, she just felt queasy from morning to nighttime. Somehow, though, that was still better than bending over a toilet bowl and tossing her cookies.
And she’d debated whether or not to wear the necklace. Freyja had sworn she’d never take it off, but it was different now. What if he was kicking himself for everything he’d said, and wishing he’d never given her it? Well, even if he was, it didn’t change how she felt. She took it off and then put it back on twice, eventually deciding to leave it on, but did her best to keep it tucked under her shirt and refused to touch it.
Throughout the day, she didn’t know if the sick feeling was actually from her stomach or just anxiety, lingering and buzzing underneath her skin, reminding her of what she’d lost. This was a breakup, though━you didn’t get days off for breakups, not even if it was killing you on the inside. Freyja hadn’t been raised like that; she had gone to school most days she was sick and had never missed a day of training growing up━not even when Bo had died. She was a Bentley; they worked hard in their family, and didn’t take shit from anybody━even if it felt like her world was crumbling.
It was nothing short of a miracle that Freyja made it through the day without breaking down more than once. She’d tried to use the Walkman━knowing full-well it was a bad idea and doing it anyways. She suffered through the consequences, though, and by the time she was walking out the door of the office, she felt empty. All she wanted was to get back into bed.
She hadn’t even been able to call the agency or invite Bethany; avoiding facing her issues was how she’d managed to not have a second breakdown.
Freyja passed through the square on the way home, and while it was busy with the five o’clock rush, she could’ve spotted him from a mile away.
For a second, she was relieved. He was okay; nothing had happened to him (or so she thought). But the relief lasted only half a second before rage flooded in. She’d been cold a second before, even while bundled up in a puffy coat with gloves, a hat and mittens, but Freyja was boiling once she realized it was him. She’d never met Frank before, and she knew they were identical, but this was her Theo. Well, had been hers.
She wanted to walk away. If he didn’t think she was worth a text, then she didn’t have to waste her energy on him. The times she’d flown off the handle in front of Theo had been out of pure love, but now she wanted to tear him apart and forget that she cared all at the same time. She wanted to hate him, but she still saw her husband in that man, and maybe it was stupid of her to think they still had a shot at that, but she was moving towards him anyways.
In her path of fury, Freyja hadn’t caught the grey aura that was around Theo━she hadn’t seen anything but red, and as she came face to face with him, she was quite sure that the town square was going to be splattered with the colour. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” She shouted up at him, ignoring the looks she was getting━her eyes never left his. “Did you forget how to use your fucking cellphone? What, did you get transported back to the fucking nineties? Can’t send a text anymore? Did you lose every fucking brain cell you had?” Freyja’s throat was drying up fast, though the words continued to rip out of her, tears filling her green eyes and cascading down her face. She regretted every moment she’d let herself be vulnerable in front of him━every moment she’d felt safe enough to let herself cry. And she hated, most of all, that he’d made her feel like it was okay. Like he’d be there with her until the end, when it seemed as though he hadn’t been planning that at all.
She hated Theo Damasca. Freyja hated him so Goddamn much, more than anybody she’d ever met, because she’d let herself fall so deeply in love with him.
THEO DAMASCA | uuuUUUUUGH |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 180
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 27, 2024 19:46:30 GMT
|
Post by THEO DAMASCA on Feb 10, 2021 22:47:45 GMT
Thud.
Not the dramatic whistle of a blade in the air that always seemed to come in every single one of those awful Chuck Norris films Frank had made him sit through. The sound effects had been awful once he’d had the devices implanted to be able to hear there, somehow worse than not being able to hear them at all. They’d laughed about them, Frank shoving at him as he’d called bullshit on it all. Frank would’ve known eventually. Had likely seen dozens of blades aimed at him and until he’d been mugged in town, not one had found flesh. They’d been blocks apart when it had happened, he hadn’t heard the blade whistle through the air or felt it bite into his flesh. Punch into his side … his chest.
On his back in the snow he’d felt it this time. The dull thud like one of those punches from Frank’s bony knuckles. The sudden paralysis that locked the air in his lungs and had his mouth straining open as he’d stared up at the hunter in shock. Hands clutched at the guy’s shoulders in a death grip until he’d torn free. A sudden icy wash that had nothing to do with the snow as he’d laid there staring up at the sky, lungs fighting for air that wouldn’t come now, his heart squeezed in a fist that wouldn’t release. The heat that burned out of him, running down his side to stain the snow. That final moment as the curtain of dark had fallen over his vision where her face had slipped away from him.
’They can’t see you. There’s … there’s a veil. They call it the other side. You’re … if you’re something, you go there. You can’t stay. You can’t stay and until they’re there too, if they’re there, you can’t talk to them either. I’m sorry, it’s h-how it works.”
The words had stuttered out of the man’s mouth on a wave of apology. There’d been no breath to mist the air then, nothing to obscure the scarlet splash on snow, the thin line that had led from where he’d been shot to where that blade him punched into his chest. Dark footprints retreating into the dark, those long minutes where it had been just the two of them standing over his body like they were waiting for a bus. He’d been silent himself, not able to tear the words from his throat to respond to the guy who’d appeared from nowhere in a blink. Who disappeared the same way when footsteps had crunched through snow and Frank had fallen beside him, hands fumbling, tears rolling instantly as that scream had torn out of him like thunder in the air.
Dead. Gone beyond their world and into another that butted up against theirs like just a TV screen separated them. He could watch but he couldn’t touch. He couldn’t put a hand over his brother’s as Frank came out of that fugue that he understood all too well and tried to pump the life back into his heart. With each punch of Frank’s hands what blood had been left in his heart had slipped out, staining Frank’s hands, his face. Leaving him with a macabre mask of grief as others had rushed in at that scream. Nixon. His other colleagues. Students. The police. Kit. Holding onto Frank as his brother had slipped into a stupor not unlike his own.
Not her.
Click.
There’d been a finality to it. A pall of grief that settled like a black cloud over the house when Kit and Frank had returned there. One that thickened as Niko had appeared, happy, that glint of mischief in his eye that had lasted just long enough for him to take in his brother’s comatose state.
He’d followed them, he’d seen, he hadn’t known what else to do. How to get to Freyja. Hands covering his face he’d paced Frank’s living room, had seen Niko take note of him. Those kaleidoscope eyes trailing him, flitting to other spots in the room like there was something else, someone else. This wasn’t like Ghost though, there wasn’t anybody here giving him guidance. Theo had continued that pacing, feeling an invisible thread tying him to the man lying in his bed, people who loved him holding him together where that scream and … he … had broken his brother.
More than a day stuck there, unable to snap the cord. God, she had to have thought… The tears had burned, like the stomach acid that had rushed up his throat as the hunter had accused him of helping the siren. Kit and Niko had talked, the words making as little impact as Frank’s had … there … as the police had when there’d questioned Frank and the others. That pall hadn’t just drowned them in grief, it had taken his hearing. Hands tearing at his ears in the end, he’d pulled free the useless devices still in his ears, had watched their mouths moved and hadn’t seen her name once on their lips. They hadn’t called her, nobody had told her. She didn’t know.
’Dude, get out of the fucking way. Come on.’
The horn had cut through the air, or at least Theo assumed it had. In the back of Frank’s car he’d gone with them into town. A trip to the police station to collect his effects. Bundled in a plastic bag, Frank clinging onto it like it was something more than a wallet and a phone, thumbs sweeping over the see-through plastic before the tears had started again. His own streaming down his face again he’d walked out. The cord stretching thin, twisting with another as he’d gotten out to the square. Closer than he had been since the morning before … two mornings before …
A lingering kiss as he’d left her apartment that Monday morning. Laughter in it as he’d mimed smacking his head into the brick wall of Nixon’s ego before returning for one last … just to tide him over.
Fingers rising to his lips as he’d stared up at the building the Courier was housed in, pressing hard like he could hold that memory right there and not let the wind that whipped across the square tear it away. The cord back to Frank was almost invisible but it held him there, rooted him until she was there.
The tears filled his eyes the moment he saw her in all of her glorious fury. In her anger and her hurt because she …
She thought he’d left her willingly, that he hadn’t fought with everything he had to get back to her. Hurt in her eyes, shimmering as they filled with tears the way his own had. Spilling over, rolling down her face. Theo swallowed, lifting his hand as though he could wipe them away before it registered that she could see him. The guy had said they couldn’t, that he was going to be trapped on this side, all of them blind to him until they … but God, if it was love or something else, something had let her see him. His own tears rolled, splashing into his beard as he shook his head, as his hands shook their way through the signs. ”God, baby, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” The same signs he’d used the night with the siren. As fierce now as he stepped forward to her. ”I didn’t want to go. I fought … there was nothing I could do. Baby, I’m sorry. I love you and I never wanted to leave you. God, please.” His eyes slipped shut then, his head tilting back, his eyes opening again as he pleaded with somebody he knew wouldn’t listen. Not now that he was dead. He was dead and she was here on her own thinking he’d ever have left her out of choice. Sniffing it back, Theo raised his hands, covered his face as he stared at her over them.
Never.
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FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
|
Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on Feb 11, 2021 16:39:23 GMT
━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
And it would. Freyja would never admit it, but he could give her the worst explanation in the world and she’d immediately take him back. He was one of the only people she’d bend for, the only way she could be hurt. He made her vulnerable in all the ways that giant men in cheesy TV shows talked about, how they’d kill anybody for the woman they loved. Theo was Freyja’s damsel, and she had liked it that way until it was ripping her insides apart. Insides that he… shared now, she supposed. A piece of him, and a piece of her, forever bonded.
She got her apology, but it was signed to her, his hands moving unsteadily. The fury didn’t fade, but confusion flooded in, her mouth falling closed and forming into a deep frown. Freyja stepped back as he came forward, not wanting to let him wrap her up in those strong arms that she’d missed more than she thought possible. Her resolve was crumbling already, reminding her that her love for him was there, as strong as ever, never fading. She’d never lose him, even if he wanted to lose her. But… he didn’t.
It hadn’t dawned on her yet━maybe because she didn’t want to find the answer, glaringly evident in the way he was signing to the woman who’d nearly decapitated him because she’d misread them about a month prior. In his hazy appearance, the one she’d blamed on the tears clouding her vision.
Green eyes floated back to his hazel ones, and that was when she knew. The eyes she’d adored countless times before, always so bright and full of love for her, were barely there. She could see them, but she could also see the edge of a building in them, the brick structure that stood a hundred feet behind him. Freyja came forward, closing the space she’d created, and reached out, just to be sure, her fingertips coming free in her transitional mittens. They went through him, nails scraping nothing but air.
Her hand flew back as if she’d been burnt, coming to cover her mouth as she gasped, eyes wide.
He was dead.
His name came out of her lips in a soft whimper, the realization shaking her to her core. He was gone. She’d never touch him again. He’d never hold her at night, snuggled up in bed and keeping each other shielded from the outside world. Never eat another Christmas dinner with her family; never grab her in all the right places and have her repeating his name like a mantra, instead of how she’d just uttered it. He’d never hold their…
Her thoughts broke off finally, the spiral that they’d started the day before only growing worse. Freyja’s hand fell from her lips to her stomach, something that felt instinctual now.
The last thing on her mind was the obvious fact that she could see him. She’d never told him about what she was━she would’ve, eventually, but it didn’t matter now. She’d hadn’t been grateful for her ability to see the dead since Bo. Her brother’s life hadn’t been over, but they’d found some sort of reconciliation through it before he passed on. But Theo wasn’t done━he wasn’t supposed to be done. She was still here… waiting for him, loving him, needing him.
The words weren’t coming. A feeling of emptiness returned, one that was accompanied by the need to throw up again, as if there was anything to get rid of. Finally, Freyja raised her hands, signs coming slow. She’d been practicing. It’d been to avoid another embarrassing scene, though, not for… this.
“What...” She’d started to sign ‘what happened’, palms coming upwards and then turning over, into pointed index fingers. They’d fallen away before she could complete the sentence, though. It seemed like a useless question, but she hadn’t known what else to say. She wouldn’t be able to hold him as he whimpered through it this time, couldn’t provide the comfort he needed. The comfort she promised she’d always be there to give him.
Eyes squeezed closed while the tears came harder; as it really started to work through her. Fingers found his heartbeat on her neck, buried under her jacket and sweater━but the peaks of it didn’t exist anymore.
The sound that came from her lips wasn’t a scream, and it wasn’t a word. An exclamation of pure pain, of what she’d lost━the other half of her soul. Her knees buckled, legs feeling like they’d give out from under her.
They were supposed to grow old together. Not pass away until they had a bunch of grandkids━when they’d done all they needed to in this life and could find each other in the next. They’d leave when they decided it was time, holding each other like they always had, and never letting go.
But none of this was how she’d wanted or imagined it. Their ending had been stolen from them.
THEO DAMASCA |  |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 180
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 27, 2024 19:46:30 GMT
|
Post by THEO DAMASCA on Feb 11, 2021 22:48:36 GMT
Tone fell on deaf ears, the hurt edge to her voice that would’ve cut him to the bone dulled into silence. How he’d heard the guy afterwards, he didn’t know. Everything since had been that all consuming silence. Eyes fixed on moving mouths, trying to pull any meaning from what was happening from them like he had done as a child. Trapped outside of the world everybody but him was a part of. Frank had always been his ears then, interpreting it all for him like a part of him but now his brother couldn’t seen him, he couldn’t reach out and feel for his hand, couldn’t guide through that world. Despite the tether that reached between them even beyond death – a word that left him feeling sick to a stomach he supposed he no longer had – they were separated from each other in a way they never had been.
He hadn’t even had that with her.
Until he gotten here and her green eyes had looked at him and filled with so much hurt and fury that he’d almost gone to his knees with it here. Theo felt that sick feeling rush through him again as the he watched her through a veil of tears, through another veil that was now tissue thin. Hands moving in that desperate apology that wasn’t enough. It just brought confusing. The cupid’s bow lips pressing tight, those bold brows furrowing as she stepped back. His hands hovered in the air and he was aware of how far he was from her again. Separated by so much more than those few feet. He couldn’t rush forward and pull her in, couldn’t let all his own grief and pain flood out in the shelter of her throat until those scalding tears dried leaving eyes and heart as hot as burning coals behind.
The shift came in her eyes the moment they met his told him the moment she somehow understood. His slid shut, the tears coursing down his face. Theo knew he shouldn’t have been able to feel them but they were as icy cold as the grief that gripped his heart.
God. They opened to reveal pure misery as she came close. His hand rose, wanting to feel hers clutch his as she reached for him but they went right through him. She pulled back so hard, so fast, tearing at something inside of him that could feel still, that wrenched apart as his name whimpered from her lips.
Like he had in the snow, in those woods he was lured to, he dropped to his knees, a puppet with strings cut. Hands curling on his thighs, wanting to reach for her but knowing that watching his hands drift through her like smoke would crush what there was left of him. He couldn’t, couldn’t lose what little he had been able to hold on to of her. Couldn’t spend decades here, forced to watch her live without him … to move on.
Theo watched her hand fall to her stomach, sagged forward as though he could rest his head there, to anchor himself back to her. He tipped his head back, barely able to hold it up as he watched her start to sign to him, hands forming the sign for what before she stopped, unable to complete it before her eyes were falling shut, those tears torn from her the same way his own were. He couldn’t brush them away this time, couldn’t close his hand around hers on the part of him she wore at her throat. Even in her anger it was there, right alongside hers. The thought that he would never feel hers against him again was killing him.
The sound didn’t penetrate but Theo was sure he could feel that in his bones all the same. The crushing grief, the pain that held him in that vice grip as he knelt there inches from her and a world away. His right hand on his chest, swirling again and again in a silent plea before his hands moved in those broken fits and starts, looking it up at her with desperation in his eyes. ”Baby, please. I … I lied. It wasn’t a girl that night. It was a thing … I had to watch. She killed and because I couldn’t do anything to stop her. He … he killed me. I fought … I tried … I swear, baby, I tried … I couldn’t stop him. I’m sorry … I can’t get back to you … I know I promised I would never leave … I didn’t want to … forgive me, please … Freyja ….” That vice tightened in his chest, stealing the air from his lungs as each letter fell from his fingers. He needed her to know … he needed her to forgive him for breaking that vow. For taking their future, for slicing them apart for an eternity
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FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
|
Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on Feb 17, 2021 4:15:48 GMT
━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
When he bowed his head, all she’d wanted was to slip her fingers through his hair. A simple act, one she’d done countless times before, and now… she couldn’t even remember how it felt. She hadn’t cherished it enough the last time, two mornings before, when she’d grabbed the back of his head to kiss him before. Or Sunday night, when he’d laid in her bed for what had been the last time, thin fingers twirling around each lock of brown hair. Wondering if their children would have his hair or hers, and not knowing how close she was to that reality. Or how he’d never know them.
His string of silent apologies brought Freyja to her knees with him, unable to notice the lingering eyes around her. As always, it was just them, their own little bubble, even now. Even when one of them wasn’t part of the other’s world anymore. She wanted to reach out and break the circle his fist made, just as she had in the shower the night he’d come home broken and afraid. They’d changed that night, and while his story hadn’t made much sense, she never pushed━never asked more questions out of fear━fear that she’d break him again.
And now she knew why. He hadn’t told her the truth, at least not all of it. Still, he couldn’t seem to get it out, but Freyja hadn’t pushed him then, and she certainly wasn’t going to now.
She laid her trembling hands on her own thighs, trying to pin them there, not wanting to reach for him again. It would only bring more heartache, she knew that, but that didn’t stop her mind from wanting to try. Fingers closed into fists, slowly sliding away from him, from the temptation. One palm went to her stomach again, the other to her mouth as she sobbed.
Freyja wasn’t mad at him. She was mad at the universe, at her God, and at the person who’d stolen Theo from her. Had stolen their life together. How could she be angry at the man who found her as a ghost, dropped to his knees and apologized for dying. As if he hadn’t been murdered, as if he’d had a choice in this.
What could she say to him? Nothing would fix this. She couldn’t touch him, couldn’t rub his back and kiss the pain away like she had that night. What words could she use? Could anything ease their pain?
“It’s not your fault.” Finally, her hands were moving, albeit still shaky, but at least she had said something. “None of this is your fault. I don’t blame you for anything.” But she’d still have to go on without him, or with him, lingering at her side, visible to nobody but herself. She didn’t want that for Theo, though. She couldn’t let him wander around with her forever, no matter how much she wanted him to be there, in any way that she could have him. “I’m sorry you couldn’t tell me when it happened. I’m sorry you had to… alone,” To die, but she couldn’t say it, even with her hands. Freyja didn’t know what she would’ve done if she was there, but she would’ve tried. Would have thrown herself in front of him to stop the blow.
Though, all she could do now was ignore the way her chest felt hollow to ensure he knew that this wasn’t his doing. That she wouldn’t hold him accountable for their whole lives being ruined, or for their baby growing up without a father. “I love you, Theo. I’ll always love you. You’ll always be here.” She touched her necklace, and the space over her heart, promising that she’d never forget him. Love like this didn’t fizzle out overnight; it would be with her forever, in her heart and in their child’s eyes, a constant reminder of the first man she’d ever truly loved. Even now, she knew she’d never love anyone like she loved him. And she felt empty because of it.
“Don’t move on. Not yet.” Maybe it was a big ask, but she had to say it. She remembered how bad it had hurt when she’d lost Bo, and how his lingering presence had been helpful in the end. With her grandmother, too, but she was sure that she’d never be okay with Theo going. Maybe it was selfish. Maybe she shouldn’t have said it. “I’m not ready to lose you.”
But she already had. He was gone, and this was just a bandaid for her fractured soul. If he stayed around forever, then she’d never have to get over him. She wouldn’t be able to touch him, but he’d always be with her.
THEO DAMASCA | |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 180
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 27, 2024 19:46:30 GMT
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Post by THEO DAMASCA on Feb 27, 2021 20:29:03 GMT
Desperate and on his knees. He wanted to curl his hands around her thighs, to draw her in and find solace in the gentle curve of her stomach, to feel his fingers back in his hair, kneading his scalp, offering a promise that everything was going to be alright again because she was there. When the siren had brought him closer to the brink that anybody else, clawing at his sanity and his heart Freyja had been the one to pull him together again. When the hunter had shot at him, struck at him with that knife in the woods, she had been the one he’d cried out to, the one who could’ve made it alright, driving away the mental agony, bringing him back from the brink again. But there hadn’t been time, the hunter had done what he’d gone there to do.
He’d killed an innocent man whose only crime had been not getting to someone in time. Someone he wasn’t supposed to have rescued. Couldn’t have.
That didn’t stop the apologies slipping from him, his shaking hands moving as he tried to apologise. His fist circling again and again as she tumbled down in front of him. The two of them facing each other, inches and a world apart all at the same time. So close but he couldn’t even let the words spill from his throat. Maybe she could’ve heard the garbled sounds slip from him but here everything was silent. The world around him as hushed at it had been every night, worse without her heartbeat there letting him know that all was right.
It wasn’t. Theo knew it never would be now. The guy who had been there after had told him so, apologising but so clear in the fact that he would never be a part of their world again. That veil that was supposed to be between them was invisible now, leaving everything they said with their hands and all that misery crystal clear to each other. His tears no longer scalded his cheeks but his vision still blurred with them as he stared at her, hands moving jerkily to spell out his apology, his story. Theo swallowed hard as he saw her own shake on her thighs, fingers curling into her palms, one going to her stomach, the other to her mouth as she sobbed. God, he wanted to reach for her, to hold her through this but his fingers would slide through her like air.
His lips pressed together as she peeled her hands away and began to sign. A fierce shake of his head as much emotion as he could bring to it. In a way this was his fault. He had kept the truth from her, had hidden away from what the girl had done that night and in his cowardice had brought something far worse into his world. ”I should have fought harder. For you. I should’ve fought harder to get back to you. I never wanted you to be alone … I didn’t want to leave you. I … that night, the girl, she wasn’t the one hurt, she was … she hurt somebody before I could stop it … they thought I had … that I had helped her … it came back on me and I’m sorry … I’m sorry for not telling you the truth.” For months he had hidden it all from her, wanting to shield her from the horrors that had been latched onto his life for over a decade. He hadn’t wanted to see that darkness slip its claws into her and tear the two of them apart.
In his silence it had happened all the same. His throat felt thick with trapped words and grief as Theo shook his head again. Not a word of it could slip out except in the flow of his hands, the flutter of fingers as the pain cut deeper. ”I wasn’t alone, you were there, you were always there. Here.” His hand pressed flat to his chest, curling over his heart, the spot where that last punch of the blade had cut deep.
He had begged her for forgiveness but now all he wanted was to give it to her. To hold onto her and whisper into her hair until she knew there was nothing for him to ever need to forgive her for, all of that guilt should have been his. Theo held his hand in the air between them, his fingers curling like he could set it over hers and feel her heartbeat against his palm one last time. ”I love you. I will never stop loving you baby.” He got it out with one hand before he stabbed it down at the ground. She was already begging him not to move on as his hands came back up. ”I will always be right here,” he promised. ”I’m never leaving you, I can’t … I won’t. Here, baby, right here with you.” His eyes filled again, the sobs shaking him as he leaned forward, his head an inch from her shoulder. The tears rolled from his jaw, spilling into the air but even those didn’t find their way to her, disappearing into the air instead. The two of them held apart by Death but still anchored together. It didn’t matter what the guy had said, he would find a way to her, some way to break back through this, after all he had seen there had to be a way.
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FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
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Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on Mar 2, 2021 16:27:59 GMT
━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
Now it made sense. The blood, the dirt, the way he’d been trembling, seemingly shaken to his core. Freyja saw ghosts, but she’d never seen a dead body, let alone somebody freshly murdered. That night, she’d thought Theo was just incredibly empathetic. Now, she knew he’d been so, so strong. Stronger than she could’ve ever been in that situation. Strong, even presently, when they were crumbling in front of each other.
Freyja wished he would’ve just been honest with her before. What was she going to do, though? Sit there and scream at his ghost? It would be useless, and anger was the last thing on her mind. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, her face as soft as ever while the tears rolled down her cheeks. She didn’t want Theo to think she was mad at him for lying━she knew he would’ve had a good reason. She trusted him. And she didn’t know what difference the truth would’ve made now. If they’d thought he was involved in the death somehow━and Freyja was sure he wasn’t━then his honestly with her wouldn’t have changed anything. There were no signs beforehand. This was sudden. When she’d kissed him goodbye Monday morning, she had absolutely no idea it would be the last time she’d feel his lips on hers. That she’d spend the next two days thinking he hated her when he’d really been dead.
He touched his hand to his heart, and Freyja wanted to reach for him. He reached for her, and it reminded her of why she couldn’t. Even if he got near enough, he’d never be able to feel it, to have that echo in his head he’d told her about on the night of his birthday. The night she was sure she was in love with him but too scared to say it.
Freyja regretted every moment she held something back, whether it was a kiss or a confession. On their first date, when she’d been falling into his body and embracing the way he felt, the scent of him completely consuming her. How he was so warm, making her want to drown in him━she regretted pulling away and getting embarrassed, convincing herself that he’d never want to see her again because of her actions. Because she’d gotten too close too fast, trying to drag him to bed and seemingly ‘ruining’ their first date. It hadn’t ruined them at all, though━it was their love story, every little bump and tribulation proof that they were made for each other. One she was going to remember for the rest of her life, reciting the story to their grandchildren━the one about their brave and amazing grandfather, who they would’ve adored had they the chance to meet him. And he would’ve been so good with them, too. Freyja knew he would’ve been the perfect dad and grandpa. The one their kids would run to whenever they wanted something, the soft one, a perfect opposite to how Freyja imagined herself as a mother. Now, their child would never have that balance. It’d just be her and the ghost of him, always watching but never able to hold their baby. The images of him teaching their kids how to ride a bike, reading them bedtime stories and tucking them in were once so cliché, so obvious, that Freyja didn’t realize how much of a blessing it would really be. She took them for granted because now she’d never be able to watch him become a father.
Were they really made for this? For Theo to die, and Freyja having to go on without him? Was that what she was destined for? To become a single mother, producing a child out of wedlock, never even being allowed to marry her soulmate? She knew you didn’t always get what you wanted in life; things didn’t always go according to plan, but this? This was unlike anything she’d ever hoped for, so far from everything Freyja had worked towards.
He promised he’d never leave her, and Freyja pushed away everything her grandmother had taught her. Eventually, human ghosts went mad, unable to stay around for long before it became too much for them. It wasn’t an exact number of days, different for each one, but it was inevitable. A truth she ignored for the time being. She’d stay with Theo for as long as she could, no matter how much it broke her heart.
Hands lifted, ready to grab him as he came closer. Nearly falling to her shoulder, though he never made contact, and Freyja forced herself to stop before she touched him. It had been horrible the first time, when she’d reached out and her fingers had gone directly through him, a nightmare she hoped she never would’ve had to experience. She turned her head down to stare at her palms, holding them upwards as if she could catch his tears. To feel anything connected to Theo, but they were gone before they could fall through her hands. Evaporated by the thin veil keeping them apart.
His words made her chest feel as if it was caving in. Freyja gasped for air, feeling the sobs shuddering through her body. He was here, and she could talk to him, but they were both still so alone. Stripped from one another forever. He wouldn’t even be able to hear her. If he followed her for the next seven months, and stood in the hospital room while she gave birth, he wouldn’t hear their baby cry, or even call him dad once they were old enough to recognize photos.
Freyja had been planning the reveal for their weekend getaway, but now… she couldn’t keep it in any longer. They’d never get that holiday in Italy, and there’d never be a better time for this. “Theo…” She started slowly, moving into the signs she’d been practicing for their vacation. “We’re having a baby.”
Freyja had specifically learned that phrase, and not ‘I’m pregnant’, because it hadn’t just been about her. This was their child, and it had seemed more romantic that way. Now, the sentence just brought more pain as her hands moved to lay over her stomach, fingers slowly curling, clutching her sweater underneath white knuckles. It would still be theirs, a baby Damasca she was blessed with, but it wasn’t we anymore. Not when he couldn’t do all the things she expected of him━everything that would make him a father.
THEO DAMASCA | |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 180
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 27, 2024 19:46:30 GMT
|
Post by THEO DAMASCA on Mar 5, 2021 21:32:04 GMT
For half his life he’d dealt with the nightmares alone. Not explaining to Frank where he disappeared to at night, or how he was the one to find bodies so often, not wanting to drag his family into the horrors he had no choice but to be a part of. He’d never wanted to see the fear threaten to tear Frank to shreds or watch the colour drain from his parents faces as they brushed up against Death so close they could practically smell him. He hadn’t wanted them to look at him any differently when he tore down that veil that hid what was out there for from. He hadn’t wanted to see it happen to Freyja either. She had captured his heart and losing her to those nightmares would’ve torn it bloodily out of him. He didn’t want to see it now either, Theo thought as he finally stumbled through the truth, fingers and eyes fierce and pained all at the same time.
It wasn’t there though. Her expression remained soft, warm, even with those tears streaming down her face. No accusations, no hatred, no disgust at him having lied to her about the thing that had sent him into her arms, a shattered man instead of the whole one she’d kissed goodbye that morning. The veil hadn’t been entirely torn away yet but it was shredded and if the Sheriff’s department managed to dig up the truth about what had happened out in those woods they would tear it away before he could anyway. Theo swallowed hard as he look at her, the tick back and forth of his chin in that vehement shake slowing as his heart twisted in his chest. ”I didn’t want to scare you. I didn’t want to bring that darkness home and have it put a shadow over you. Things happen here, I wanted to keep you safe from it all.” From the things that could always have turned on him, tearing apart his life over things he had no control over. In the end he hadn’t been wrong, he just hadn’t know how it would all wash back over him.
If he’d had a clue he would’ve done so much differently. No her, never her. He didn’t care if things still would’ve brought him here eventually. For the time he’d had with her, he would’ve done it all again. Paid in blood and pain and fear for the best months of his life with Freyja. He’d had those months of love and companionship and everything he’d thought he would never have, broken from birth, the cracks sent deeper with everything he’d seen and yet she’d loved it all. Theo tried to pour it out in the flutter of his hands as he signed to swear to her that he hadn’t been on his own in the end because she had been in his heart from the moment she had walked into Di Marco’s that first night. His palm flat on his chest he tried to prove it to her, to tell her it was going to be OK somehow.
Brokenly he reached abortively for her. Like he could draw her in, find his place with his face against her throat again. Her heartbeat against his skin, that slow thud letting him know it was all alright. It wasn’t. It wouldn’t be again if that guy had been right. The promises slipped out anyway, along with that constant stream of tears. He wouldn’t go, couldn’t leave her, even if he had to spend the next sixty or seventy years tormented by being so close and not being able to hold her. That invisible curtain holding him back from all they should’ve had. Their wedding, their kids, all those years spent watching the smiles lighting up her face, brushing those fierce tears that spilled so easily from her face. The fights, the jokes, those moments that would always etch their way onto his heart. It would break him but he wouldn’t break his word and go.
Slumping forward, he imagined finding that crook of her neck, his arms wrapping around her. That drumming pulse that had spent nights feeling in his own chest. Tears streaming, never finding the ground, as trapped as he was. Her head bowed like his as he made his promises, her own body shaking, her chest heaving with her breathing, even if her couldn’t hear it. A slow shake of his head and Theo was looking up into her eyes, wanting one last time to comfort her but he couldn’t. Her hands moved slowly, words slipping from her again. He expected some promise in return, an acceptance of what he’d said but it was his name instead. Theo frowned, brows furrowing as he swiped at his face with the back of his hand. Nothing like that. Other words instead, a sign he never imagined to see on her hands. He shook his head at first, confusion slipping over his face like a dark cloud. Had she got the wrong sign? Misunderstanding like she had before?
No. No, that had been sure, her hands moving purposefully. Staring down at them, Theo ran the signs through in his head, slower, as though he could see where she had gone wrong.
But she hadn’t.
His mouth fell open as he stared up at her. Tears still broke over his lashes but every other part of him went still for what would’ve been a heartbeat. We’re having a baby. She was … oh God … He drew in a breath, feeling something inside of his chest break as he forced it all to move again. A laugh bubbled up in its way, half a sob but definitely a laugh. ”You’re pregnant? We’re having a baby? When? How? Oh God, I meant …” His brain raced, back to every time he’d pulled her down into his bed, love pouring out into the kisses he’d dragged over her skin. Frank’s play, the hayloft, her place … his office. Every time they had made love. She’d been on the pill, maybe it’d meant they hadn’t been as careful but the how wasn’t playing into as much now as the sudden thought that he wouldn’t be there for it. Their child was going to grow up without him. The pain rushed back in as she lay a hand against her stomach, fingers curling into her sweater. ”I’ll be here for it all, I swear … I’ll never leave either of you. I love you … I love you both.” Theo reached out, his fingers hovering only millimetres above hers, like he could feel both heartbeats through that connection. Hers and their baby’s.
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FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
|
Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on Mar 11, 2021 15:41:17 GMT
━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
Freyja remembered her grandma telling her about ghosts. Once they realized you could see them, they’d beg you for help all of the time. If they stayed around long enough, they’d go crazy, becoming malevolent spirits that couldn’t help themselves from causing turmoil. If you really wanted, you could help them, but she would need to take on that responsibility afterward━to guide them to move on. Eventually, she was taught to control it, and pick them out more easily. In her most profound feelings of love, masked with fury, she’d thrown away all her teachings to see Theo. Just like the coffee shop, when all control meant nothing the moment she’d seen… well, what she thought she saw.
But she’d watched her grandma pass on, and then Bo, and she couldn’t lose Theo now, too. Not when it seemed like they needed each other most.
After all she’d seen in her life, she wasn’t so scared of much anymore. She could’ve worked through it with Theo, a second-hand story not as bad as if she’d seen a dead body with her own two eyes. Freyja had always wanted a partner like Theo. One who was kind, loving, and thought of keeping her safe, even if it meant he’d hurt himself in the process━a warrior from any sort of fairytale she could conjure up. Now, though, she was realizing the consequences of that.
“I see ghosts, Theo. There’s always darkness around me.” She didn’t mean to chastise him; he hadn’t known, and that wasn’t his fault. She appreciated every single thing he’d ever done for her, even if it meant they ended up here━the last place she wanted to be. Without him.
“I’m sorry. I love you. I know you only wanted to do what was right.” A shaky breath left her, hands moving to the necklace that lay around her throat, as if trying to feel him again. She didn’t know much about the dangers of this town, only that there were a lot of spirits lingering in it, and that couldn’t have meant anything good. “Things like what?” Freyja asked because his words started to give the impression that he knew something else, too. Something about the secret world within their own, where all the monsters from fairytales seemed to exist. Maybe it made sense, she thought, if she could have her Prince Charming, then everything on the other side had to be real, too. Like people that came out of nowhere and killed the sweetest man she’d ever met, stealing the father of her child and the only person Freyja knew that was innocent of anything ever accused of him.
As he leaned closer, and Freyja thought of the endless space between them, trying to catch the tears that would never reach her, she was nervous. Not that she thought Theo would’ve been angry or not want a baby, but of how difficult it would be, that they’d suddenly have another human to take care of when Freyja couldn’t melt cheese on bread without almost burning down his apartment. Now, though, she was scared. Terrified of doing this alone. And so, so angry that it wasn’t happening how she wanted. She’d never wanted to be one of those girls having a ‘baby daddy’ and sitting on their asses, collecting cheques and doing nothing for their child. Popping out kids like it was nothing, just for another chunk of money. She’d never be that, but it was how she felt, the harshest judgements running through her mind.
When she heard him laugh, though, every fear faded away. Another sob tore from her chest, ripping through her throat and tearing her up on the inside. But she was smiling for a moment, for what felt like the first time in forever. God, she’d missed the sound of him. Freyja didn’t know if hearing his voice would’ve made this harder or easier in the end, but all she wanted was to hear him again. That goal, and the half-second of lightheartedness, was what allowed the joke to flow from her. “How? It was probably…” Her hands moved apart, forming a circle with her left index finger and thumb, then sticking her right forefinger through the hole. Freyja smiled at her own jest, staring at him, her sobs turning into gentle sniffles for a moment. A lapse in time where they were almost happy again. Almost.
She could remember sitting in the doctor’s office on Monday. Her mother had pushed her to finally go after weeks of feeling poorly. Freyja was sure she couldn’t be pregnant, refusing to believe it, though her mom kept making excited, hopeful jokes. She knew how badly her mom wanted more grandkids, and Freyja wanted to give her them, but she had to do it the right way. She’d marry Theo first, and then they’d have a whole litter, just as her mom had.
Freyja had thought it would be an adjustment to her birth control, or maybe something she was eating. But the test results were back, and she was definitely pregnant. Maybe somewhere deep in her mind, she’d known all along and was only in denial, because she could tell the doctor exactly when it’d happened. She was sure of it.
“On Christmas.” She signed, her smile turning sad as she remembered that perfect day. The perfect moment with Theo, in the hayloft, their first child conceived when they’d professed their love for the first time. “When I forgot…” She didn’t know the sign for birth control. Freyja’s hands stopped for only a second before she mimed taking a pill. The pharmacy hadn’t been open, and she thought she’d be okay for a few days. It was such a small chance, but it’d happened nonetheless. It was scary, and not how she wanted it, but she didn’t regret a moment. She never would. Not when it was Theo, and not when she’d been blessed with his baby.
Her hand was on her sweater, over the flat stomach that would definitely be huge and round in a few months. She believed Theo, knew he’d stay with them forever, but she was terrified of the repercussions, and how sad it would make him━how sad it would make both of them. She’d pray every night for their baby to be a psychic like her, born with the ability to see ghosts, even if it would make it more difficult in the end. It was so unlikely, but so were the chances of this pregnancy.
“I love you.” She signed the short form with one hand, her other not moving from its spot, so near to his own. She couldn’t risk shifting and going through him again. Freyja sobbed as she spoke the words, repeating them aloud even though she knew he couldn’t hear them.
“Excuse me, miss, are you alright?”
Freyja flinched at the man next to her, leaning down to reach for her shoulder. He apologized as she fell away, onto her hip on the pavement. She nodded blankly at him, and then looked to Theo; their bubble suddenly burst. It didn’t matter if she looked like the crazy girl talking to the air; she wouldn’t give up this moment with Theo. “Can you… come home with me?” Freyja asked, swallowing hard, completely ignoring the stranger who was only checking to see if she needed help. She only wanted Theo, and maybe that would last more than a lifetime. Forever bonded, never willing to abandon the other.
THEO DAMASCA | |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 180
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 27, 2024 19:46:30 GMT
|
Post by THEO DAMASCA on Mar 17, 2021 20:44:10 GMT
It was a secret that was supposed to go to the grave with him … in sixty or seventy years. Voices finally silenced, carried with him into what he’d always assumed would be some sort of afterlife. All those cheesy stories of choirs of angels and everybody you loved and had lost waiting there for you seeming like it had a chance of being true, even after everything he’d seen. There wouldn’t be any bodies to trip over there, no invisible strings tied to him for the sick puppeteers that lived in his head to pull. Free of it all, maybe heart broken and aching for Freyja for a couple of years cause she was bound to outlive him, that fire in her belly making her almost immortal, but free of that clinging control that he hadn’t been able to escape for what had to be fifteen years. Freyja never had to know any of that, free of that darkness he’d try and make sure she never had to worry for him like she had that night. A fool’s dream, one Theo shouldn’t known was never gonna come true.
That darkness had clung, insidious and deadly, and it had swallowed him in the end leaving her alone, maybe for those sixty or seventy years as he stayed here on the other side of that thin veil, watching and heart broken. Desperately wanting her to be happy, desperately wanting for it to be with him. Unable to reach through, unable to hear her voice.
Still able to break her heart in death.
The truth still had him aching, the thought of drawing that darkness over her in his stead tore the pit out of his stomach. He’d been blind to the fact that it had already been there, so caught up in protecting her that he hadn’t seen what was right in front of his eyes. What was in front of them now. He stared at her, brows knitting as the cogs in his head that had been running in overdrive for two days slowed down and thoughts finally caught. She’d seen him. He was a … ghost. The word stuck in his throat like a chicken bone, his head shaking slowly. Tangled up in confusion he hadn’t seen it. ”How?” His mouth formed the word too, his voice not following through.
Theo breathed slowly, knowing that he wasn’t really, not anymore. It felt more like he was still there when he did though. He swallowed hard, the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes as he signed a solid ‘no’ at her. ”I was wrong. I should’ve told you.” He hadn’t though and it was too late to go back and ring that bell. Lifting his chin he blinked the tears back. ”She was a siren.” He didn’t know the word for the mythical sort, used the word for the alarm instead, spelling the letters out on his fingers in its wake in case Freyja couldn’t catch it. ”I’m…” He hesitated, his eyes dropping away as he forced his hands to move. ”I’m the one who finds them. I’m drawn to them … a banshee.” Again he spelt it, no longer feeling the shame when there were a story both hadn’t told the other, a truth hidden.
More than one. So many things disguised in this town and so few secrets happy. But this one?
The laugh had rolled out of him as those cogs had spun again revealing the truth not a mistake in her signs had been so unexpected. He’d curled into her, as close as he could ever come now, tears spilling silent down cheeks she couldn’t touch anymore but with that one revelation the dark pall that been over him for so long had been pulled clear. There was still a separation, that invisible barrier making sure he couldn’t pull her to him, touch his hand to a stomach that had still been its usual flat plane as he’d brushed his lips and hands over it on Sunday night, but a part of him was there, with her, in her. It drew a sob from Freyja but Theo couldn’t dial the smile back. A baby.
God.
The questions had tumbled out then, stupid he knew, but rolling from his fingers all the same. They’d hadn’t been using condoms but Freyja had been on the pill, the chances were so small. He’d done his research before he’d even risked it, they hadn’t discussed … Heat shouldn’t have been able to rush to his face but it was as Freyja joked, miming out exactly how they’d done it. Theo’s face scrunched up in a wince that melted away as she sniffled at him. He swallowed hard. He would’ve given almost anything to be able to touch her now, just for a few minutes. His hand on her cheek, thumb brushing away those tears as the other found her stomach, pressed against that life inside, only separated by her skin. ”If I didn’t know how, you wouldn’t be … pregnant.” His hands slowed as he signed the word, so unfamiliar and yet so weighted. He’d meant how had it happened but Freyja was throwing him a bone, the explanation there as her smile turned sad. Theo felt himself slump another inch, a sappy smile on his face as his fingers moved slowly. ”The hayglobe. You seduced me.” Like she didn’t always with him tumbling so happily into with her. There’d been heat in his face then too, when he’d strode back into the house, Freyja on his arms, what they’d been doing obvious in the hay still stuck in his hair.
Their joint gift wouldn’t arrive for … seven months. Only a heartbeat of time now. He wasn’t going anywhere, staying here with her, seeing the child they’d created together grow. Watching Freyja’s fingers curl over a growing bump that he couldn’t touch. Seeing her bloom with it. The tears were back as he promised what he’d already sworn to himself. No leaving her now, staying forever with the woman he loved and their child. Both of them. With the tears spilling down his cheeks again he repeated the sign over and over to her. I love you, I love you, I love you. A mantra he’d repeat every day, an emotion that wouldn’t melt away.
The man’s voice didn’t pierce the veil. His shadow falling and Freyja flinching the first sign that they weren’t alone anymore. Theo started too, that bolt of anger lancing through the pit of his stomach as he started towards the man before it became obvious it wasn’t the hunter. His hands were moving in an instant at her question, unsure if it was true or not. He’d followed Frank, had felt the tether just to him until Frank had arrived here with Kit and the other had snapped into place, tugged tight. ”I hope so,” he admitted honestly. ”Frank’s with Kit … with the police … I think … I think I can go where I want. With you. I want to be with you.” Even if he had to spend every minute of an eternity so near that it made his heart ache, he’d take every ounce of that pain to stay with her. Just to be with her … with their baby. Theo nodded, his lips pressing hard together to hold back a sob as he rose to his feet, his fingers dangling in the air above her, like he could help her up.
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FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
|
Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on Mar 23, 2021 22:46:48 GMT
━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
“My mom can read minds. That’s why she liked you so much. When we left that weekend, she told my dad and brothers that you… you were it for me.” Sometimes, people saw it as a breach of privacy, but it was so normal to Freyja now that she was used to watching herself around her mom. Anything with Theo, though… that had been impossible to control, and she didn’t want to. Her mom was right━Theo was it. The only one. That was the weekend she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was her soulmate. It was true even now as she sat in front of his ghost and remembered her silent vows from the night he’d come home completely ripped apart. She’d always be there, and protect anybody that hurt him. She’d seemingly already broken the latter, so she wouldn’t dare leave him now. Freyja accepted his vow to stay by her side because she needed him, and their bond would never be broken.
She was sure there was a difference between human and supernatural ghosts. They lasted longer, could withstand years as an apparition without going completely crazy. Maybe it was just wishful thinking━but they’d surely find out one day.
A siren? She knew of most creatures hidden amongst their world. Sirens weren’t as common as witches, but a male banshee? Freyja had never heard of one of those ever existing. She knew the folklore, and they’d been mentioned during lessons.
Finally, Freyja could piece together his story in a way that made a lot more sense. A siren had killed somebody; Theo came to announce the death, and then… the man who’d murdered him thought he was involved. A mistake. She was sure of Theo’s innocence this whole time━but a mistake stole Freyja’s life from her? Tore her lover from her arms and everything they were supposed to have together? An accident?
“I didn’t tell you, either.” She persisted; this wasn’t his fault. “We’re told to keep the secret from everybody. It’s okay, Theo. We both had a reason for not saying something about it. It’s okay.”
It wasn’t. His actions were, of course━she wasn’t going to hold that against him. But nothing about this was okay, even when his laugh had her beaming through the tears and making jokes, feeling normal for a few seconds. Usually, they’d be wrapped around each other while they laughed and joked, but she could pretend this was an exception━that something other than death was keeping them apart, and she’d be able to jump into his arms a moment later.
She thought of the hayloft, when they’d been consumed in one another. When they’d been so, so happy.
‘If I didn’t know how, you wouldn’t be … pregnant.’
Freyja repeated the sign. Pregnant. Intertwining her fingers in the air a few inches from her middle, where their baby was growing. Pregnant. Really, truly━having a baby. Green eyes flicked down to her own hands, and then back up to his own, narrowing at his signs. Seduced him? Her fingers transitioned smoothly, pulling away from each other and leaving only one━the middle━sticking up at Theo. She let it stand for a moment, smirking before she added, “Is it really seducing when you’re so easy?”
Another gentle laugh, and that’s when the veneer began to wear off. They were stuck in this moment again, a plague of sadness nearly choking Freyja as they professed their love, his as silent as ever. She cried, and their bubble was broken suddenly by an intruder. He’d meant well, but that didn’t make it any easier to break away from her moment with Theo. Another hayglobe━minus the hay… and the snow.
She nodded to him, eventually climbing to her feet as well. Freyja stumbled back as she stood, doing everything possible to avoid going through his hands again. She hated to move away as if she was terrified of his touch, but she couldn’t watch herself sift through him and feel nothing but a harsh cold.
“It’s━I’m fine. Thank you.” Freyja offered the stranger a forced smile, ironed to her lips for only a second before her eyes flicked back to Theo’s, and then forward as she continued her walk home. She glanced over her shoulder to ensure he was following, and then reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone. If he could hear her, she’d be able to pretend she was on a phone call so that she didn’t continuously get weird looks, but obviously, that wasn’t going to work for them. Her ‘Notes’ app was going to have to do for now.
Fingers hovered over the screen as they walked━or as she walked, and Theo… looked like he was, but the sound of extra footsteps wasn’t there. She didn’t know what to say to him now. There was nothing she could say. She didn’t have any questions, and there were no more words for how irreparably broken her heart was. Was this going to be her life from now on? Stealing private moments with her dead lover, waving her hands around and hoping nobody cared enough to say something about it. Would she have to pass messages back and forth between him and her baby once they were old enough to understand?
Instead of dwelling on the negatives again, she typed the abilities of each family member. She knew it still wasn’t that important, but Freyja wanted to share this with him. “Mom: telepathy & biokinesis - like plants and stuff. Dad: telekinesis & animal connection - maybe on Easter I can get him to do it. It’s really cool. Bo had telepathy and empathy; I think that’s why we were so close. He was like my mom, always knew what was going on. Connor: telekinesis & pyrokinesis (like me) and Jack has telekinesis & electrokinesis. One time when we were kids I set Connor on fire.” She smirked at the memory, tilting her phone towards Theo as they walked, and then continued typing. “Sometimes you’re born with three but we only got two each. Is Frank a banshee, too? Freyja paused for one second, then typed, “Wonder what our baby will be.” Before holding the phone up to Theo to read fully, just as they came up to the front door of her building.
THEO DAMASCA | |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 180
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 27, 2024 19:46:30 GMT
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Post by THEO DAMASCA on Mar 31, 2021 15:42:24 GMT
Foolishly, he’d moved here without a clue of what Mystic Falls held. Theo knew that even now he could never regret a moment of it, couldn’t picture what would’ve been if he hadn’t decided he was going to head for college here when Frank had gone off to play soldier. A lifetime in Japan maybe, working in one of their labs, seeing his mom at least on a more regular basis. All fulfilling but he would’ve missed so much. He and Freyja never would’ve crossed paths. He wouldn’t have fallen so hard and fast for her that it had felt like someone had pulled the rug out from under his feet right in the middle of Di Marco’s and again in the hayloft, that had fast slap of love each time like he’d hit face first. The whole time it had been underlaid with the truth of what was out there in this town but apart from the night he’d encountered the siren it had felt like the rest of it was floating above the saturation of nightmares in this town. Untouchable until the hunter had reached out.
Fool indeed.
Theo felt something clutch tight in his chest, in his throat as Freyja suddenly made it clear she’d known about it all along. She was … like him … in a way. He sagged back on his haunches as he sat on the ground, a little more of the wind taken out of him as he stared at her. ”A psychic?” he echoed, lightly touching the back of his hand to his forehead before he moved it away, fingers fluttering. He swallowed hard, shaking his head. There was no right in the world for him to demand why she hadn’t told him. For months he’d hidden what he was, even when he’d brought it home to her. Maybe if the hunter hadn’t … none of this would ever come out, not even when bits and pieces of it had spilled violently over into their lives. Humour had his throat aching, his lips curling into a smile that felt distinctly damp at the edges with the burn in his eyes. ”Not just throwing hands and coffee? You were ready to burn the place to the ground for me too? Wow.” Probably not an entirely joking matter but in the days after Freyja had freaked out they’d slowly edged into that place. He thought he’d convinced her she was the only one for him, that he’d never leave her. But the hunter had forced himto break the promise and she’d thought…
No. He hadn’t gone, not willingly. Even when he’d had the chance to step away from everything he loved in this world and not see, this, or Frank, or the next forty or fifty years, he’d hung on her. It was love, one that couldn’t be ended by death. The tears started to roll again, over drenched lashes and down cheeks that hadn’t gone red and splotchy no matter how ugly the crying. Theo swallowed, that lump staying thick and heavy, not that he would have to push words past it. ”I liked her too, both of them, even your brothers. I am …” He broke off. He couldn’t say he was still it for her. It wasn’t fair. No matter how much he loved her, how desperately he wanted to tear back through veil, he couldn’t lay claim to her still. Was it fair? Demanding that he remain it for her, the woman he loved left grieving for decades, alone from what love she might have with someone who could hold her, who could brush those tears from stained cheeks and lay their lips on hers to soothe?
No.
But he couldn’t. Couldn’t just tell her he would always love her and fade away, couldn’t let go. They’d spend however long he had with her across the veil from one another, communicating in the only way he had left. Truth all they had left to share when they couldn’t reach out to one another. Maybe that truth could still reach out to hurt Freyja like he’d feared it might but his warrior princess had hidden strengths he’d never imagined. Theo pressed his lips together hard, like words might spill out if he didn’t. His hands moved with that edge of vehemence, a little line springing up between his brows. ”It’s not okay. Maybe if I had…” It was wishful thinking. What would Freyja have been able to do? Stand guard on him 24/7, be right there when the hunter had stabbed him. His chest aching, Theo raised a hand to spread his palm over his heart. If she’d been there maybe he would have killed her too. Freyja and their baby.
A gift he’d never expected, that he would never get to hold. The grief should have poured in, drowned him but he was laughing instead, the joy breaking through all that black pain like the sun through storm clouds. He was gonna be a dad, kept at that same agonising distance but still, a part of him was always going to be with her and somehow it made it all easier. That pall left his expression, amusement in his face as he signed to her, hazel eyes watching her hands move in front of her stomach. God, she was going to end up huge and … he couldn’t touch her, spread his fingers over hers in the way he so desperately wanted to do. The laughter rolled out of him as she flipped him the bird at his comment, feeling less like it was tearing free of some scarred part of him now. ”I was only ever easy for you,” he promised. ”You were seducing me from the minute we met.” By the time of their first date he was already slipping way under her spell. Drowning in her. He still was.
They both drowned for a moment, only coming up for air when the complete stranger stopped at her side. Theo rose to his feet, swaying faintly for a moment as he watched Freyja force a smile for the man. She wasn’t fine, none of this was fine, but it was what they had. All they had, and he wasn’t about to walk away from her to spend another night at Frank’s house, watching his brother fall to pieces in his grief. Freyja could see him, she wanted him to stay and he would for as long as he could.
At her side he drifted over her. Feet making no sound on the floor, the world silent around him. He dodged around people on the sidewalk, not wanting to feel that strange shudder of sensation as they passed through him. Freyja slipped her phone from her pocket, fingers tapping away at the screen as she walked. Theo hovered close, not enough to touch when he knew he couldn’t, but so close he should’ve been able to feel the warmth radiating from her and smell the lingering scent of her shampoo. The muscles in his jaw bunched as he read over her shoulder. Her family, their abilities, everything that seemed to run in the Bentley family. His lips curled, his eyes burning faintly. All of this they hadn’t shared, hadn’t been able to. No matter what her family had thought he was, they’d welcomed him all the same, knowing exactly what he felt for her in those days he’d spent in their home.
At the mention of Frank, Theo went to shake his head but his brother was. He’d fallen to his knees as he’d stood there and watched and screamed over his body. ”He wasn’t but … after what happened … he found me … he screamed for me.” His body sagged with a silent sigh as Freyja opened the door of her building and slipped inside. He followed, slipping through that gap as fast as he could. In the lobby he breathed out a laugh. ”They better take after you in all ways. I can’t lumber the kid with this face.” More importantly with what he was. It was a curse, no matter what he’d said to the guy who’d been there afterwards. Theo trailed Freyja through the building, hoping none of her neighbours chose that moment to emerge from their apartments. At the doors of the elevator he paused. ”Have you seen the doctor?” To check they were both OK, maybe after the shock of this she should’ve done. This was … so much and the baby … God, the baby had to be tiny. His eyes dropped to her stomach grief and joy mingling on his face again. Such a small part of him inside of her still.
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FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
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Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on Apr 10, 2021 4:49:57 GMT
━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
He was. Nobody would replace Theo; nobody could ever come close. Those could’ve just been the words of a grieving girlfriend, but she knew she meant it. Wiping her tears, moving on, and years of mourning wouldn’t change who Theo was to her━for her.
Everything. She’d lost everything.
Even with a hand clutching the fabric of her sweater, reminding her that she hadn’t, that’s what it felt like. A chunk taken out of her, incomplete and empty, hollow in the giant space that Theo had occupied for what felt like a millisecond and forever all at once. They’d gone through most of the summer, fall, and nearly entirely through the winter━months spent drowning in each other, in their love that felt so whole and perfect that it couldn’t have ended up like this. But it had, and now Freyja didn’t know what to do without him.
Her head shook violently at the maybe, though. She’d overthink and dwell on it forever, but the moment Theo took any of that weight and let it sit on his heart, Freyja was firmly rejecting the idea. Standing guard, not letting him take on even a crumb of blame or regret. What ifs wouldn’t help them right now. Nothing would. It’s just the way it was, the way it would be from now on.
For a second, it was easy. Everything was a little more gentle, softer, his laugh breaking through each barrier of grief that fell upon her. Freyja was smiling, beaming back at him through the tears that went dry on her cheeks. “It had to be just me; otherwise I’d be worried that you were just attracted to women that look like wet rats.” She laughed gently, shaky hands raising to press a tear away from her cheeks. It wasn’t the moment they’d met, of course, but that first date had changed Freyja’s entire life. She hadn’t known it in that moment, only hoped he would’ve wanted to see her again after her performance. Freyja could’ve never guessed that she’d be on her knees in the middle of the town square months later, pregnant and professing her love to that same man, now separated by the life he no longer possessed. For a moment, she wondered if she would’ve done it all again━if she would’ve gone on another date, spent her birthday with him and even brought him to meet her family at Christmas, pouring out love like she’d never done before, only to get burned like this. If she could’ve gone through the immeasurable hardship of having a love that filled her entirely, showed her the best parts of herself just to have it ripped from her in the end.
And she would’ve. Freyja wouldn’t give him up for the world.
So they’d have to make this work. They’d have to… she’d have to do something, work at this, and find a way to keep herself healthy while she carried their baby━because she couldn’t lose this last piece of him she had. A piece of them, of their love.
Freyja rose to her feet after the stranger had broken through, ripping her out of the cycle of tears and desperation. She was moving on as fast as she could, wanting to just be alone with Theo again, despite all the challenges that came with it. She wanted another bubble, another secure spot where it was just the two of them━even if she couldn’t touch him.
Green eyes rose to him as she watched him read, carefully inspecting the expressions on his face. She felt that yearning again, the need to reach out and touch him, to bury her fingers in his hair and whisper to each other that this was alright━they’d be alright. This wouldn’t break their love, but it was trying its damn hardest to, and Freyja wanted it to stop━to wake up and have it all be a dream, just a nightmare that faded when she opened her eyes. They’d be on a flight to Italy in a few days, holding hands as Freyja experienced her first plane ride and teased Theo about joining the mile-high club together.
‘He wasn’t but … after what happened … he found me … he screamed for me.’
Freyja’s face fell. She couldn’t imagine what that must’ve been like for Frank, to have two life-changing revelations in a singular moment. She’d lost Bo, but she hadn’t found his body, nor had she ever felt a banshee’s scream rip through her. Once Theo had read the last of what she’d said, and she was unlocking and slipping through the doors with him━the doors they’d walked past a million times together, but now never would in the same way━Freyja slipped her phone into her back pocket, keeping her head turned to watch his hands. “I’m sorry.” It felt stupid. She was, though. Freyja was sorry he couldn’t be there for Frank to guide him through it, and that he’d had to go through something so traumatic━that they both had.
A tiny smile brightened up that expression just barely, though, a playful eye-roll at his words, the teasing obvious in her face if she couldn’t show it vocally. “As long as they don’t have your big nose, we’ll be fine. Plus, he better be tall like you. I don’t want my boy coming out looking like a shrimp.” Freyja snorted, pressing the button for the elevator once she’d stopped in front of them. “Yeah, on Monday. I have my next few appointments set up, and my mom gave me a long list of vitamins to start taking.” She wished could’ve been there to hold her hand through each of them like she’d imagined, but at least she’d have him there with her, positive that Theo would stick around like he’d promised.
When the doors finally opened to reveal a thankfully empty elevator, Freyja slipped in, sticking close to one side as she thumbed the button for her floor, eyes trailing from the ground and up to Theo. She felt that burning in her eyes and throat again, another sob, sure that they’d never fucking stop by now. She couldn’t help but to remember their first date again, and how she’d touched him all over in that same elevator, pushing Theo to the wall with a confidence fueled by too much alcohol. Heat rose to her cheeks, partly from the memory, but mostly from another round of sobs.
Freyja felt like she, too, was floating by the time she reached her apartment. She barely had the energy to lift her hands anymore, the utter and complete sadness taking a heavy toll on her. She could scarcely remember unlocking the door and slipping off her shoes, greeting Grim with nothing more than a pat on the head. The door was tossed shut once Theo was inside, and there was enough distance for her to maneuver around him without touching, keys dropped on the kitchen table. Freyja was rid of her sweater and jeans as soon as she was in her bedroom, doing everything in her power to avoid looking at the packed suitcase still sitting in the corner.
Thin fingers slid around the Walkman on her nightstand, collecting it in her hands, body dropping heavily to the side of the bed. She peered at Theo with it in her lap, an exhausted sigh rising up her body and letting her shoulders drop once it was out again. “I love you.” Freyja spoke the words as she signed them even if he couldn’t hear her, wanting nothing more than another reminder back━something to get her through this hell.
THEO DAMASCA | |
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THEO DAMASCA
Banshee
Posts: 180
Status:
Married
Partner:
Freyja Damasca
Played by:
ANGE
Last seen Nov 27, 2024 19:46:30 GMT
|
Post by THEO DAMASCA on Apr 16, 2021 18:36:12 GMT
She was everything. After a lifetime of feeling just a little less, like the deafness somehow put him a step behind, a step down, he’d felt the hollow it left through the centre of him filled. And then like that he’d been cut off from the rest of it. Theo dipped his head slightly, feeling like his forehead was pressed to that invisible wall between them, a kid with his nose pressed up against the glass of a shop window, staring at everything he’d ever wanted. He’d had it though, until that knife had bitten deep with the power of delusion. Hazel eyes opened, looked at her with that love still burning hard in his chest as Freyja shook her head at him. Unfair to ask her to hold on to that for him, to spend decades holding on to him as being it for her, but he wanted to. Cause she was it for him … would forever be now, that miniscule chance that what they’d had would’ve fallen apart before they reached that old and wrinkly and still sickeningly in love part of his life-long plan for the two of them erased by that knife.
For a moment when he’d come to he’d thought that maybe it had been another bloody dream, his body someone else’s. Another nightmare to live through and take him in shudders and shakes to burn away with Freyja’s touch, that smile. But it hadn’t been and the shocking rush of realisation still felt as thought it was echoing in his bones along with the guilt.
Dead. That plan cut so short for him but not for Freyja, for the baby. A knot breaking loose in his chest for a moment, the tears that glittered in his eyes not sad for the moment, the laugh she’d wrung out of warm, happy. Those hazel eyes warming as they met hers, the same radiant heat filling those icy bones. ”That was just a lucky coincidence. It’s one of my secondary kinks..” Is. Not was. For just a single moment. Like it was that easy to turn the clock back. That dinner, the turning point for his entire life, the night he’d started to fall over wedding soup and tiramisu, fumbling kisses in the dark and the quiet exhalation of breath as he’d slipped back into her room to find out that their first date had ended in that silent drift into sleep. He’d lingered at the door of her bedroom for a moment that night, just watching that force of nature so still and quiet. Now, Theo thought bitterly, that was all he’d be able to do. Watch. The reaper had warned him about him, about what happened when that was all you could do. It didn’t matter though, he wasn’t leaving.
Not Freyja, not Frank.
His brother couldn’t see him but it didn’t mean he was going to separate himself from Frank any more than he would Freyja. Seeing the dead wasn’t a part of this and as Theo pushed to his feet and started moving away from the stranger who’d approached out of concern, he realised that Frank was now caught up in the same undertow he was, a slave to something in his head he wouldn’t have wished on anybody. Theo felt his stomach twist at the thought, his brow creasing as the conversation slipped from what her family could do to the curse of his. He swallowed hard, his eyes fluttering shut for a heartbeat as he saw Freyja’s face fall. It was a mental image he didn’t want carved deep into her brain, the way he’d been there in the snow. Lips pressed together, he shook his head as they slipped into her building and Freyja’s hands formed the sign his own had over and over minutes ago. ”Don’t.” Theo shook his head, the bitterness crawling in his throat. ”None of us knew. None of us could’ve known.” He hadn’t seen it coming until the end, Freyja couldn’t have done. He didn’t want her spending a lifetime thinking that maybe she could’ve changed this.
Regret ate you alive, carved channels deep through the middle of you until you could bridge them with something, someone. The laugh grew, that burn back in his eyes as Freyja rolled hers at him, so normal, like any couple looking forward to the arrival of their child. He wanted to sink back against the wall of the elevator but he hovered there, separated from it all as he held his hand up inches above his head. ”He’ll be half giant. You better be ready. You’re the one who’s gotta give birth to him and his giant snozz.” Theo winked, curled a finger over the tip of his own nose as that greater reassurance eased through the knot in the pit of his stomach. They were OK, the … upset … hadn’t hurt her. Although, God, what had she thought with a secret like that pressing down on her and him just gone. ”They’re important. Listen to your mom.” A woman who’d carried five kids of her own … and knew the loss of one of them. They’d hold Freyja close, would dote on their grandkid, he knew it.
It didn’t make it any easier as he trailed after her, watching her body wrack with that sob as she thumbed the button for her floor. The two of them silent as they stood there, wrapped up in memories of being right here that first night, when he could lay hands on her. He wanted so badly to do it again, to feel her push him back into the wall, her fingers in his hair, her body wild against his, that laughter rumbling in the confined space instead of the sound of it being trapped in his chest, choking him as the doors open and they slipped back out. Silent all the way to her apartment. Moving around one another like that wall remained between the two of them.
Theo saw Grim’s eyes roll up towards him, knew the dog saw him by that thud of his tail on the floor. There was no dropping to his knees to scrub his fingers over his head or ears, the sucker punch of not being able to followed up by the upper cut of the suitcase in the corner of Freyja’s bedroom. Packed, but not going to be used, because he’d bled out in those woods, his pleas for her falling on deaf ears. Unable to help himself, Theo moved close as Freyja stripped and gathered the Walkman up in her hands. His love was caught in it, the songs that had had him laughing, crying, wailing in the office as he’d put them together the only words of his she would hear now.
He shook his head, sinking down on the bed beside her as his hands moved. ”I love you too baby. Always. Come here…” He could touch her, reach out across the bed to gather her into him but he scooted back the same, stretching out on the covers in a way that didn’t even dent them. Rolling in towards her, close enough to touch but they might as well have been a million miles apart. Fingers working to encourage her to slip the headphones in, curling like he could press the buttons on the Walkman for her and have everything he’d felt for her fill her ears when he couldn’t speak the words aloud to her.
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FREYJA DAMASCA
Psychic
Posts: 184
Age:
28
Occupation:
Analyst at The Mystic Falls Courier
Status:
Married
Partner:
Theo Damasca
Played by:
Julia
“But it’s hard, when you’re hurt, to let somebody wreck you again.”
Last seen Nov 17, 2024 18:29:01 GMT
|
Post by FREYJA DAMASCA on Apr 25, 2021 4:26:18 GMT
━ they set me on fire, and i did a lot of burning ━
Was Theo the reason she’d ended up with this ability? If Freyja could believe in soulmates, then the idea of it wasn’t so strange after all. Were they born to suffer through this together?
Freyja was suffering, sure, but she wouldn’t give it up for the world. Even as they flipped from joking about their enormous baby and his even more enormous nose to her sobbing in the elevator, a thick tension between them as the memories of their first date flooded in, she wouldn’t want it any other way. If it had been something else━a planned pregnancy with a partner who was living, then it wouldn’t be with Theo, and Freyja didn’t want that. She’d tolerate every ounce of heartache and be strong for him, for their baby, because there was nothing else she could do.
She wasn’t ready to accept his death, not yet, but Freyja hated the feeling of that lingering sadness. She had to work through it mentally, to build herself up, especially when there was somebody else to look after now. A teeny, tiny bit of Theo, practically tadpole-sized, but growing rapidly each day.
Freyja settled into the edge of her bed with the Walkman in hand, green finding hazel, a desperate search for those eyes she’d fallen so deeply in love with. The eyes she’d admired and adored━especially when they were up in the hayloft, in their hayglobe, as he’d called it━and confessing their love after they’d made their baby. A gift he’d been able to pass on before they were separated━something they’d have now and forever. Even if he couldn’t do all the things she’d hoped to see him do as a dad, he’d still be one. Death could take almost everything from them, but it couldn’t take that.
‘I love you too baby. Always. Come here…’
She finally smiled, like the reassurance she needed━as if she could ever forget Theo’s love. Freyja stayed still as she watched him move, not entirely sure what his endgame was. She wanted to bury her face in his chest and breathe him in, feel his arms around her again and his voice in her ear, promising this would all be okay, but she’d have to start reminding herself that she wouldn’t ever get that again.
Freyja moved to lay down anyway, following his lead and slipping the headphones into her ears as she did. On her side and facing Theo, with a small space between them, never daring to venture any closer. She hit the ‘play’ button on the cassette already settled in, her favourite, the one they’d first listened to in their hayglobe. She couldn’t sit on his lap and slot herself into him, but this was what they had now, and it would be enough for her. It had to be.
Music flooded her ears, a familiar love song beating in gently. Freyja smiled, one hand curled overtop the Walkman that laid between them, the other cradled under her head.
“I love you.” The sign came slowly, and only once the first song was over, a repeated confession that could never be worn out. “I’ll always love you. You’re everything to me, Theo. You’re it for me. I promise. You and…” One hand slipped down, palm pressed to her stomach and still smiling, though those tears started streaming over the bridge of her nose. “No matter what, it’ll be the three of us, and we’ll be okay. We’re a family.”
And though it was hard, she started to believe it. There was nothing else to believe, anyway. They had to get through this, to carry on as well as they could, even if their little family wouldn’t be so conventional. It was their’s, and that’s all that mattered.
THEO DAMASCA | |
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