fool's gold

Tobi and River had turned into ships that passed in the night. As soon as he came home from work River’s bedroom door would quickly close shut. Tobi knew it wasn’t intentional either. He knew River was avoiding him. Goddamnit. Tobi should have never suggested they kiss. He should have shown his cool magic tricks and gone to bed.

Then a few days later a message from Kace popped up on his phone, inviting him out for a drink. Tobi didn’t reply straight away, giving himself a few minutes to consider the offer. It dawned on him how pissed he actually was with River. So, he agreed to meet Kace the following evening at Campell’s bar. Of course one drink turned into several drinks which led up to Tobi inviting Kace back to his apartment, which was arguably not okay, but whatever. If River had a problem with it he could actually speak to Tobi about it—like an adult—instead of scurrying around the apartment, terrified of accepting his own sexuality.

But then again Tobi could have been the bigger person and confronted River days ago, but the more time that passed the more pissed he became. Was their friendship ruined? Broken beyond repair? Tobi tried to push that thought from his mind.

Tobi drifted back off to sleep just after bidding farewell to Kace. An hour later he was awoken to the sound of someone in the kitchen. He peeled his eyes open, immediately met with a slamming headache and a mouth so dry he was convinced he’d been eating sand the night before. The glass beside his bed was empty. He rolled out of bed, letting out a quiet groan as he picked the glass up. River was standing in the kitchen when Tobi emerged from his room. Tobi considered dipping off into the bathroom to grab water from there, but why should he do that? Why should he be avoiding River? He had nothing to be ashamed about. River spun around, not expecting to see Tobi standing just behind him. He lifted his empty glass, “Just need to get some water.” He gestured towards the tap behind River before he moved past him.

“Wait a second.” He said to River just as he was filling his glass up. Before he could speak to River though he needed water. His month was practically glued together. He quickly downed half the glass of water, instantly feeling better. “So… is this our life now? You hiding in your bedroom and ignoring me cause you’re feeling a little ashamed that you kissed a guy?” He brought the glass up to his lip, finishing the rest of the water before turning back to fill his glass up again.

RIVER MAY

As soon as he woke up fully a strange sensation of guilt cut through him like a hot knife, which then angered him. Why was he feeling guilty about sleeping with a man? He was single with zero ties to anyone. He could do whatever the fuck he wanted. He hated the feeling which was stewing inside of him and it was all because of River.

“Busy, huh?” Tobi watched as River retreated back, feeling a knot tighten in his chest. The way River barely turned to look at him, the way his words were filled with such restrained emotion, it was almost too much to bear. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He shot back. Clearly Kace hadn’t slipped out undetected. Fuck. The guilty feeling hit him again, washing over him rapidly. No, he wasn’t accepting it. He refused to feel bad about sleeping with Kace and he refused to let River determine how Tobi felt about it.

A frown cut across Tobi’s face as River asked if he was happy now. As though he’d just provided an excellent reason as to why he was obviously ignoring Tobi. “Happy?” He let out a quiet chuckle in disbelief, “Course I’m not happy River. You’ve been avoiding me. Don’t bullshit me.” He slowly lowered the glass down, placing it on the counter top. He was mere seconds from blowing over and the first thing to go would be the glass. Shards of glass would scatter across the kitchen, proving to Tobi that River did in fact have control over his emotions.

RIVER MAY

Tobi's eyes narrowed as he studied River's face, searching for the truth behind the hurried words and evasive demeanour. He knew River well enough to recognise when he was lying. The weak explanations and the unconvincing reassurances. “Is this something to do with Kace?” Tobi had no patience to be dancing around the subject any longer. Rip the bandaid off and let it bleed.

Um… maybe because we kissed?— Tobi silently cursed himself for thinking this exact situation wasn’t going to happen. He should have known kissing River would lead to ongoing awkward exchanges. “Is it? ‘Cause you’ve been doing a good job of avoidin’ me.” Even if they weren’t seeing each other there would have been a few messages exchanged between the pair. But now it was like they were just roommates, not even friends.

Tobi's mind raced back to that night they had shared, the connection they had felt. It had been real, and now, with River's awkward avoidance and the palpable tension, Tobi couldn't shake the feeling that something had changed. “I know I’ve done nothing wrong.” Inviting Kace back to the apartment was wrong, but Tobi was about to admit to that now. “If you wanna keep lyin’ to me then fine.” He said with a shrug of the shoulders, pretending like he was completely unbothered by the situation, which was of course not wrong. It was eating away at him.


RIVER MAY

Tobi didn’t want to seem like some arrogant asshole suggesting River was bothered by Kace staying the night, but it was the only plausible explanation. His own emotions were a swirling storm beneath his calm exterior. “I don’t know.” He said with a shrug as River looked away from him. This was just another reason he avoided any level of commitment. Emotions. Intense overwhelming emotions.

Those emotions started to bubble over though. He desperately tried to keep a lid on things, but with each word River said it was harder and harder. River was standing there and lying Tobi. He had the audacity to suggest Tobi was imaging the whole thing and everything was perfectly fine between them. “Okay well sorry I’m the only one mature enough to have this damn conversation.” Suddenly the light bulb from over in the living room shattered. Lying had never been River’s strong suit. He easily came undone at the seams, stumbling over words and panicking. “I’ll replace that.” He muttered, gesturing towards the living room area.

As expected River started to come undone, accepting he was upset about Kace, which only made Tobi felt a million times worse. “You’re allowed to be upset by it.” I’m sorry River— but the apology was stuck in his throat. He sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration, tugging on his curls. They were entering dangerous territory. They’d already crossed that line once when they were drunk, but could they cross it again? It was screwing with Tobi’s head too. “But what scares me more is losing you. We risk fuckin’ up our friendship… like fuckin’ it up beyond repair sorta thing.” And he’d never forgive himself for ruining a friendship for the sake of one night of passion with River, no matter how much he was craving it.


RIVER MAY

Damn, when was the last time he lost control of his magic like that? He could stand pretending whatever the fuck was going on with River but the smash lightblub was telling a different story. The tiny shreds of glass scattered across the floor was a solid indication that Tobi did care. It was hurting him that River was ignoring him. “Sorry. Sometimes my magic is controlled by my emotions.”

The repetition wasn’t exactly helping River’s argument either. The way he was trying to convince both of them that everything was fine. While it was both of them involved in the kiss Tobi couldn’t help but feel the heavy weight of fault on his shoulder. He was the one who suggested it in the end. Stupid drunk Tobi, never thinking, just acting.

Then came the blow. River didn’t want things to progress any further. They were just friends and things were to stay that way between them. It was the path he was suggesting they took, but now he was fighting against it. He did want to kiss River again. A thousand times over, but he couldn’t say that outloud. “Yeah, sure. Just friends… good friends.” He returned River’s smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Tobi glanced down at River’s fist, bringing his own up to meet River’s in the middle. “Okay. We’re cool. If this is what you want.” He needed to hear River say those words before he could fully walk away from the situation.


RIVER MAY