branches

The town was heading into summer, yet wherever the hell Raik was constantly feeling cold. There was so much he missed about being alive that he couldn’t even begin to list them off, but most of all he missed human connection. Feeling someone else’s touch on his skin or wrapping his arms around his loved ones for a hug. Instead he was left speaking with Leah, one of his least favourite people in the world. He should have known this whole mess had something to do with her.

He’d spent hours watching his brother crumple in the world of the living. Grieving the loss of his sibling, knowing that he was partly to blame for it all. Raik hadn’t reached a point where he felt he could forgive Remzi though. It was hard watching Remzi cry, knowing he couldn’t reach out and hug Remzi, but it still didn’t wash away the fact the reason Raik was dead was because of Remzi and Leah. He desperately wanted to forgive Remzi, but each time he was reminded that his life had been taken away from him. He hadn’t got to experience all the things he wanted. Finding his soulmate, getting married, starting a family. Fuck he hadn’t even gone scuba diving or jumped out of a plane. There was a real chance he’d never get to do those things too, but Leah promised him she would bring him back to life. Of course he didn’t believe her but what else could he do? He was left wandering the streets of Mystic Falls. Alone. Every now and then she’d come and check up on him, but he’d rather spend his days in silence than speak to her. He saw a flash of guilt on her face when she found his body though and he’d watched from afar when she broke the news to Remzi.

Raik had spent years trying to steer his brother towards another life, but in the end it got him killed. If he was saved from limbo then he was done trying to save Remzi.

What hurt the most was the fact his body was lying in a fucking freezer in some seedy bar in town and his parents hadn’t even been told he was dead. They were none the wiser in Detroit, believing their eldest was making the most of life down in Virginia. He wanted to see them but had no idea how to get there. He couldn’t exactly jump on a plane or drive. He was stuck in Mystic Falls until Leah decided to let him pass to wherever he was destined to be. Raik had even tried to find another reaper to take him there but failed.

Did he even want to be brought back? He craved peace after his hectic life. All adult responsibilities would simply fade away and he could find happiness in the afterlife. It was selfish of him to think like that, knowing Remzi was struggling with the grief, but Raik had spent much of his life putting his brother’s needs before his own. Again, it got him killed.

Raik still didn’t fully understand what happened that evening in the hotel room. Leah explained it to him in pieces, but none of it made sense to him. In those early years, he thought he’d be blown to pieces out on the field. He never thought he’d be murdered.

Mystic Falls didn’t have any mosques, only a few churches dotted around. It was the second-best thing. He lingered outside the doors as the sermon took place, but was hesitant to head inside. What if someone happened when a ghost entered a place of religion? He looked up at the building, with a sad look resting on his face. Memories of when he used to go to the mosque with his parents and Remzi. Raik would listen intently, whilst Remzi would be busy playing with his toy car. Usually bothering the person in front by running it over the head and back before their mom snatched it away, telling him to behave. The boys would then break into a grin, trying to suppress their laughter.

He quickly moved out of the way as people started to leave the church, as though they could collide with him. Once the crowd started to die down he made the decision to head inside. Maybe the ground would swallow him whole, but that would be better than this cold empty world he was floating around in. He spotted another blonde coming out of the church, racing down the stairs before she stopped dead in front of him, making eye contact with him.

Shit, she was speaking to him. Raik glanced backwards, there was no one behind him. “How the fuck can you see me?” His mouth hung open, in disbelief.


FREYJA DAMASCA

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to swear at you. I was taken back.” The ‘fuck’ rolled out of his mouth with ease. There was a time when you wouldn’t catch Raik uttering many swear words, especially not standing in front of a place of worship, but now they had slotted themselves into his everyday vocabulary. It was just another habit that he’d picked up from his brother, along with many other questionable things, such as drinking during the day or hooking up with random women he met in nightclubs. At first it was fun, but when Remzi died it put everything in perspective for Raik. They weren’t teenagers anymore, they were adults.

In some way, it didn’t seem fair that Remzi had been given a second chance at life, but Raik hadn’t. It was typical though. His brother had been given non-stop second chances throughout his life. Someone somewhere was always willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Meanwhile, Raik was the one who was studying hard and trying his damn best to get a good job so he could make a life for himself and his future family. All those high school parties he turned down because he was studying, all that gruelling training he went through to join the military. It all seemed pointless now.

Remzi still had his entire life in front of him. A long immortal life with no expiry date. Raik would have to stand behind the veil and watch. Bitter and jealous. He couldn’t even bring himself to watch over Remzi anymore. Drinking and fucking his way through the grief, which didn’t even surprise Raik.

He wanted to get out of Mystic Falls and back to his parents, but he had no idea how to get back there. Leah was vague on the details, leaving Raik with the impression that she didn’t know herself. Would he just walk there? Hitch a ride with some unknowing stranger? The town now brought him nothing but sorrow. At least in Detroit, he could watch over his parents. Happy and completely unaware their sons were dead.

“I, um… honestly I don't know what I'm doing.” Would Allah even hear the prayers of a dead person? He could spend hours kneeling down, praying for his brother, but Remzi had crossed a line when he killed those girls on Halloween. An unforgivable act. “I’m not here to pray, just passing time… I’ve been religious my entire life but my belief is being tested right now… asking myself why I was killed at the age of thirty-four when I had so much more I wanted to do with my life.” He paused, letting out a nervous chuckle, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to put my thoughts on you like that.” It had been a few days since he’d interacted with Leah, “Do you see many ghosts walking around Mystic Falls?”


FREYJA DAMASCA

It was a relief to speak to someone who wasn’t Leah. He had been thrown into his own personal hell when he died. A place where the only person he could speak to was the person he hated the most. He’d never been able to understand what his brother saw in her. At first he understood he was sleeping with her because she was good-looking, but now he was left wondering why the hell Remzi was keeping her in his life. Usually he would have kicked them out the following morning, with false promises about calling them, but not Leah.

Sometimes he would sit for days, watching everyone around him without uttering a single word. He’d come to realise no matter how loud he shouted the living wouldn’t hear him. Those days following his death he would try every means possible to communicate with his brother, but it never worked. Every object he tried to touch his hand would go straight through and every noise he made went unheard.

As the days drew on he was losing hope but there was no sign of another reaper to take him to wherever he was supposed to be. The loneliness was crippling and there was nothing he could do to fill his time. It wasn’t as if he could lie down and sleep to pass the time.

How was all this plan of God’s plan? To have his throat slit and strangled. It was difficult to accept this was the route his life was supposed to take. If she’d lost a loved one he was certain she wouldn’t be giving herself the same speech. “I can’t get to heaven until I find a reaper to take me there… I’m stuck here until then.” It wasn’t about accepting. If someone else had turned up in that hotel room he would have been elsewhere by now. His eyes drifted down to her stomach for a second before returning to her face. Just another thing in life he wasn’t going to experience, to watch the woman he loved giving birth to their child. Holding his child for the first time, watching them take their first steps, hearing their first word. “Congratulations.” Despite the slight jealousy he was feeling he broke into a wide smile.

Raik glanced up at the sun as she gestured towards it. He’d been one of those people standing over Remzi crying and screaming at him to see him. If he was alone Remzi would sometimes cry as well. Those moments were the hardest, knowing if he reached to hug his brother it wouldn’t be felt. “Yeah I can imagine some of them are angry that they’re dead.” He still experienced waves of rage every now and then. “Last month.” A whole month of being deprived of human contact. A whole month watching his brother break down whenever he was alone.

This was his chance to have the finger pointed at Leah’s half-brother and his girlfriend, but he didn’t want another person to be dragged into the mess Leah had started. There was no body to be found and Remzi would probably tell the cops Raik had gone back home. “I have no idea who killed me… but…” HE wasn’t sure how much he could share with this stranger, but he didn’t particularly care either. If Leah was around she would have pulled him away from the woman by now. “It’s being dealt with by someone… this girl we know who’s a reaper said she’s sorting it and tells me she can find a way to bring me back to life.” He let out a weak laugh, knowing that the promise was unrealistic.

FREYJA DAMASCA