Post by MARC FRASER on Aug 3, 2022 18:22:29 GMT
Signing on to be a military spouse wasn’t as easy as most thought. It wasn’t a cushy life of sitting around on an army base, watching the guys go prancing past in their uniforms or sweating their way through a PT session. It was packing up your life every couple of years to move to a new station, it was watching your husband or wife deploy, knowing that there was a good chance someone wasn’t gonna come back. Toni was smart, so damn smart he couldn’t keep up with her half the time. She’d watched her brother enlist, had known what came with that when she’d gone on that first date with him. They’d hidden what was necessary from her – for the sake of national security – but everything else had been out in the open, warts and all.
Marc knew that Toni had seen all of that when he’d come back. She’d seen parts of heal while other parts hadn’t even started to scar over. She knew, even if he wasn’t ready to admit it to himself, let alone her. The muscles of his jaw bunched tight as marbles as he looked at her. ”None of us are ever at a hundred percent,” he said tightly. ”I’ll operate to the best of my ability, they know that, and they think it’s enough. I think it’s enough, but you’re seeing something else and I can’t see the same thing.” Or wouldn’t. The moment he started to shine the light on it his career was over and Toni would’ve been sitting around waiting for him to come home. She’d be watching the husband she thought she knew slowly crumble away because the only thing he’d have left was her.
Perhaps it should’ve been enough. He wanted to hold onto her with both hands and not let go, but he did. Dropping his hands away from her and stepping back. Walling himself off from what he didn’t want to hear. Tears burned at the back of Marc’s eyes as he kept up that slow trail backwards, he could hear the same strain in Toni’s voice but he couldn’t stop. ”I turn this down and there might not be anymore time. I have to do this.” For himself, for the men and women who’d been killed, for his own brother-in-law. How many lives could he prevent from being lost this time?
Maybe not even his own.
Marc’s shoulders were tight, creeping up towards his shoulders as he headed for the stairs, trying to block out the pain in her voice. It had gentled but it didn’t hide everything. He heard her wipe the tears from her face, heard the sigh, and felt his stomach twist. ”I will be back and we can talk then, I promise.” His footfalls were heavy on the stairs, but not enough to cover the sound of her will breaking. At the top of the stairs, Marc froze, his head down, his heart breaking in his chest. She wouldn’t … no matter what they were saying now, she wouldn’t walk away from their marriage. Maybe after this he’d ask for a couple of weeks of leave. They could get away from the base, start to really piece their marriage back together again. They would be OK.
Ten minutes later he was back downstairs, his bag hanging heavy over his shoulder. He stopped by the door, looking through the house to where Toni had retreated to the yard. There were cracks in their marriage, as they were in him, but they were healable. ”I love you,” he echoed, not wanting to leave without saying the words. In case. Head up, his heart feeling pummelled in his chest, Marc turned and left. A couple of days, hopefully, and he’d be back home. To his wife.
hope to see you in the discord! 
